To defer a bright child

[Clairebear231]

My son has always been bright, potty trained early, good speech from a young age etc I have never had any concerns. He is due to start school this September at 4 years and 2 months. All professionals say he is capable and ready....but I've recently found out I can defer him starting until next year when he will 5 years and 2 months giving him a big advantage throughout his school career.
My DH is very against this and feels he will be fine in school but I don't want him to be just fine I'd like him to excel, I'm also worried he will struggle being one of the youngest both academically and socially.
What are your thoughts on this? Has anyone not deferred a bright child and then regretted it or vice versa?

My bright DC went straight into Y1 at just 5 (she's an August birthday), hadn't been through traditional reception and is absolutely flying 3 years later. DS - v bright but September birthday, splits time between Y1 and Reception, to meet his individual needs. Seems to work for him, but had to work hard with the school to get to this point. We did get to a stage where I was prepared to pull him out of Reception, as they were basically child minding him!
A lot of it is down to knowing your child and what is right for him.

Wow can't believe the number of replies, I really appreciate it!

I am so torn at the moment and kicking myself for not thinking about this all sooner, to be fair I was pregnant and the idea of having him home for another year was not ideal. I did not know at that stage he could have done the two years of nursery before moving to school.

As many of you have pointed out the problem is he knows he is going to school this September and would be confused if things changed. Although children are very resilient and I believe he would adjust after a few weeks.

Some people seem offended I referred to my son as "bright" he is not some child genius but he is inquisitive and retains learning well and I don't want his confidence knocked by comparing himself to his much older peers.

As I have clarified when I said excel I didn't mean to be the smartest and ahead of the class. I am just a mother who wants the best for her child and for him to reach his full academic potential and mostly be happy in school.

I have looked into a lot of research and unfortunately there is minimal research comparing those who deferred a year to those who didn't. What I have seen it appears it doesn't make as much of a difference (it doesn't equate to being an Autumn born to defer basically) plus there are a lot of other factors in play namely socioeconomic status which needs to be taken into account.

While I feel sick with anxiety about making a decision I do feel more informed and reassured by you lovely posters, again thank you 😊

@MysteryBelle no, I don't think you do see my point because the comments in the rest of your post were back to the same stuff about "trying to make sure they are the older students" or "academically ahead of others". This shows you've entirely misunderstood. I couldn't care less how my DC compare to other children in their group at school, it is irrelevant and arbitrary. What I care about is what will be best for their individual development, them getting the most out of education academically and socially, their mental health. It's got absolutely nothing to do with how they compare to others in their class.

As I have clarified when I said excel I didn't mean to be the smartest and ahead of the class. I am just a mother who wants the best for her child and for him to reach his full academic potential and mostly be happy in school.

I think everybody not being facetious and deliberately obtuse did understand that @Clairebear231

It is difficult though with what you said about this only being recently introduced in NI and you not having much time to research and decide and prepare him. Nobody can tell you what the outcome will be either way, only point to the research so you can arm yourself with as much information as possible to make the best informed decision that you can for him.

Definitely join the fb group mentioned several times because it has links to so much research so will save you time to do that, plus knowledgeable people there about the process etc if you have any questions, unlike some of the nonsense that was posted here!

I hope everything works out really well for your DS whatever you decide to do. Ultimately all parenting is always just getting as much information as we can, thinking it through and then making our best guess of the best thing to do that we can at the time once we've done that.

Oh I don’t think I’ve misunderstood anything. Except that I thought you were the op 😂 didn’t you notice 😂😂

How would I know that? Third person phrasing when we have frequently been speaking in hypotheticals is not strange. I am afraid that - I must admit - I am not able to read you mind, no. 🤣

I feel sorry for people who are so mentally challenged that they express opinions on internet forums when they haven't done the faintest bit of research about what they are talking about. How embarrassing.

My son was 4 and 5 weeks when he started Reception and he was fine. The day is very play led learning. I have found that the year has taught him the soft skills of school. Listening to the teaching, queuing for lunch, the daily routine etc

His numeracy and literacy have developed and he can read and write, but more importantly he has developed social skills, taking turns etc

A lot of what they do in reception preps them for year 1 - there is a lot more sitting at desks etc… and less play/child led learning.

Good luck and maybe speak to the school and see what their view on its? We have a family liaison lady, who helps with these sort of pastoral concerns.

It wasn’t an option to defer a year when my daughter was starting primary, it would have meant her going straight in to year one. I too was worried as she is an August baby, not because I wanted her to be the brightest/excel like you, but more that she may struggle academically or socially.

I didn’t keep her back a year and she has just sat her GCSEs and is predicted 8s & 9s from her mocks (A & A* in old money 😂) So with hindsight I’m glad I sent her at 4 years and 2 weeks. Would it not be better to send him and judge how he gets on?

Really wish I hadn't used the word Excel now as it's been taken the wrong way by a lot of people

Like you I just want my DS to do well socially and academically and am worried that being younger than a lot of his classmates he may struggle to keep up in both these areas.
I do enjoy reading these positive stories about younger children doing well and I know age is just one factor.
I do think about his whole school career and the big exams and decisions he has to make in the future

Hilarious. You "didn't keep her back a year" and you're "glad you didn't defer" when you literally just said you didn't have the option then anyway? 😆

Honestly. These posts are bonkers. Not least because people think anecdata =/= data.

No wonder the country is such a mess. And was subjected to Brexit and endless other idiocy if this is how people make decisions and also think other people should make decisions. 😵‍💫

OP have you joined ‘flexible school admissions for summer borns’ and the ‘summer borns’ face book groups? Thousands of parents on there going through the same decision as you and lots of well informed people, some who did delay start and some who didn’t. May get a more balanced crowd than on here.

"Really wish I hadn't used the word Excel now as it's been taken the wrong way by a lot of people

Like you I just want my DS to do well socially and academically and am worried that being younger than a lot of his classmates he may struggle to keep up in both these areas.
I do enjoy reading these positive stories about younger children doing well and I know age is just one factor.
I do think about his whole school career and the big exams and decisions he has to make in the future"

I totally understand what you meant when you said excel OP. In a deferral support group I did a lot of reading in before making decision, a lot of people talked about "Surviving or thriving", saying that they knew their child would do fine going to school as a younger in the year, but that with an extra year to prepare and grow, ultimately going the next year as an older one, they felt they would be better equipped to properly thrive.

I didn't think it read like you wanted your child to be the top grades wise, just that you wanted the best chance at enjoying / coping with school.

Sorry for being untactful. I am extremely tired today so less tolerant and more grouchy than usual. 😆 So tone is probably a bit off, and I've not meant to be confrontational. Just frustrated I guess that people have such an irrational approach to things even with discussions on topics like this where literally all there is that is remotely relevant is to point the OP to the data so she can make an informed choice, because not even the parents of the 3 year old can predict his specific development over the next 15 years let alone a bunch of strangers who haven't met him. 🤯

I didn't think it read like you wanted your child to be the top grades wise, just that you wanted the best chance at enjoying / coping with school.

I think everybody who had understood the conversation read it the same way as you @LikeAnOldFriend . Some people were being deliberately unpleasant for no apparent reason and trying to pretend they hadn't understood what the OP meant when it was very clear.

Don't defer. My eldest is end August born and really bright. Started reception mid sept, at 4 years + 2 weeks. Even as the youngest in the year, was always among the most capable thru primary. If she'd been born literally a week later, and the eldest in her year, I think she would have been bored/under stimulated.

Yes. And your experience with your one child of course supercedes all of the long-term, large scale and statistically valid research available from both the UK and other countries, and the experience from your one child can be extrapolated to apply to the OP's child or any other random child you don't know with more chance of being applicable to that kid than the wider data on long-term outcomes across tens of thousands of children.

Okaaaay. 🤦🏻‍♀️

It’s strange what people find hilarious. How sanctimonious are you?!

I did have the choice to defer her starting place, I said it meant she would go straight in at year one though.

No idea how you have linked that to brexit and the state of the country.

It's like a full-scale rejection of empiricism.

Although to carry that through authentically presumably people will be giving up their phones, TVs, cars, houses, electric lighting, heating, medical treatments etc also...

I did have the choice to defer her starting place, I said it meant she would go straight in at year one though.

So you didn't have the option to defer. You had the option not to send her to reception. Totally different. Deferring is summerborns starting reception when they reach compulsory school age (the term after they turn 5) instead of sending them to do it a year early.

Did you end up deferring your DC?

Yes the phrase surviving Vs thriving makes sense in this situation and of course every parent would want a child who is thriving.

No idea how you have linked that to brexit and the state of the country.

Irrationality.

People spouting opinions on topics they haven't bothered to research and seeming to believe that these have equivalent value to statistical data and facts.

People believing anecdata is a good basis for decision making when actual, statistically valid data on likely outcomes is available,

Irrationality and lack of evidence-based decision making and - even worse - seemingly the inability to distinguish between the two or comprehend why that might lead to negative outcomes.

You really are very grumpy @Nepmarthiturn😅
You are right though.
I would defer in your position OP.

If OP had asked for a literature review and meta-analysis, you would definitely have a point here.

But she posted on MN asking for opinions, so obviously she is going to get anecdotes and opinions.

I am super grumpy. 🤣🤣🤣

Sorry everybody. I didn't mean to be rude.