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Original poster

MIL creeping me out with my 3 month baby

84 replies

Blondewave · 12/06/2023 16:06

Hello

posting this as want to know if I’m being ‘touchy’

i have a 3 month old baby always got on well with my MIl. Although she came to stay with us for just under a week and looked after baby while we went away for the night.

when we came back she was like a different woman, would not give me my baby, insisted she knew him better than me and constantly kept taking him off me…some of the things she said;

To my baby ‘ You are MY gorgeous boy aren’t you?’

He needed a feed just before dinner so she took him off me and told me to eat my dinner…I finished it and said pass him to me you eat your dinner..she said ‘No don’t disturb him please he’s comfy’

Constnstly taking him off me…when he cries when I’m holding him I can see her itching to grab him and she’s like oh no you need granny.

I went to change his nappy and get him dressed for the day she said ‘no he doesn’t need his nappy changing and his baby grow is clean’

she told me she’s feeding him at different times to see if he settles. He’s been projective vomiting as it transpired when we were away she’s been putting in an extra scoop of formula (as it sticks to the sides of the scoop she said) however we do not do that! Also she isn’t stelrizing the bottles how I asked her to.

she also completely re arranged my whole house and tells me that I can’t use the drier as it’s too expensive in my own home etc.

I never want to see her again. I stayed quiet but I just wanted to scream. I don’t want her near me or my baby ever again. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Passionfruitroulade · 12/06/2023 16:07

Does she live with you?

Passionfruitroulade · 12/06/2023 16:08

So all you have described only happened for a few days during her week stay?

and now she’s gone back home?

Passionfruitroulade · 12/06/2023 16:08

I never want to see her again. I stayed quiet but I just wanted to scream. I don’t want her near me or my baby ever again. Am I being unreasonable?

hell yes you are

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ThatFraggle · 12/06/2023 16:09

YANBU. Show your husband this post. Then get him to talk with her.

OhComeOnFFS · 12/06/2023 16:26

She sounds very difficult. I would have to say, "It's going to take me ages to get everything back into its right place once you've gone back home." I wouldn't even bother arguing about the tumble dryer - she won't be there anyway and it's absolutely nothing to do with her.

2bazookas · 12/06/2023 16:30

How every lucky you are to have a family member who can take charge of your baby for 24 hours or longer if there's an emergency, one of you is in hospital, or just need some couple time. How lucky you are that MIL adores your baby and no doubt he will adore his Granny in years to come; what a fulfilling relationship for him to experience.

Accept, she's not you, she's a separate person with her own quirks and imperfections. Maybe count what things you have in common?

You both love DH
You both love Baby
You are determined women, you both like your own way and are both a bit possessive of Baby. Because you adore him.

ThatFraggle · 12/06/2023 16:32

2bazookas · 12/06/2023 16:30

How every lucky you are to have a family member who can take charge of your baby for 24 hours or longer if there's an emergency, one of you is in hospital, or just need some couple time. How lucky you are that MIL adores your baby and no doubt he will adore his Granny in years to come; what a fulfilling relationship for him to experience.

Accept, she's not you, she's a separate person with her own quirks and imperfections. Maybe count what things you have in common?

You both love DH
You both love Baby
You are determined women, you both like your own way and are both a bit possessive of Baby. Because you adore him.

Come off it. People don't have to accept being treated like that.

MIL was enjoying playing mummy, with a real life baby doll. Rearranging the house so it's HER house, with HER baby. OP doesn't have to indulge that.

Harvey3 · 12/06/2023 16:36

I'd just be grateful for the help to be honest!

SleepingStandingUp · 12/06/2023 16:40

Putting extra formula powder in the milk is obv an issue, and it cleaning the bottles, so I wouldn't be letting her baby sit any time soon. You're right to be annoyed. What did she say when you or DH Mentioned this is why he'd been sick when she had him?

The rest, just stop being so passive. When are all these times when she keeps taking him away from you against your will? Why are you powerless to sto p her?
When she forbids you from using the tumble drier, why aren't you saying haha good job you're not paying the bill then isn't it.
When how did she look after DS alone and rearrange a whole house?

Okshacky · 12/06/2023 16:40

Just say no when she tries to take the baby, put it back on your schedule, put the house back to how you like it and use the tumble drier when you usually would. You don’t need to accommodate this and you don’t need to pretend you are.

LittleRobin01 · 12/06/2023 16:41

Is she there with you now?

GG1986 · 12/06/2023 16:42

You were only away 1 night? All the stuff she did or is doing makes it sound like she is living with you? Why is she making bottles and sterilising? If he is crying and she's trying to take him off you then get up and walk off with him and say "no it's OK I will settle him" or go upstairs? If she is feeding him at different times to you, where are you when she is doing this? Also where is your partner in all this? It's his mother, he needs to have a word and tell her to back off a bit and if he can't tell her then you need to have a word and tell her it is your baby.

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 12/06/2023 16:43

YANBU, she's had her kids. Tell her to back the fuck off.

Passionfruitroulade · 12/06/2023 16:44

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 12/06/2023 16:43

YANBU, she's had her kids. Tell her to back the fuck off.

Yes do this 🙄

WeightInLine · 12/06/2023 16:45

YANBU and also YABU. You sound crazy about not wanting to see her. Honestly, you went away from your DC at a very very young age. It might not be her who was a different person when you came back. There are a lot of hormones going on.

You are not being unreasonable about the feeding.

cptartapp · 12/06/2023 16:47

Over involved. And a bit weird.
Just see less of her.

swirly3468 · 12/06/2023 16:48

Well does she live with you? If not then it's probably not a major issue as you can see her as little or as often as you like. She's very good to baby sit over night too

CucumberAndCheese · 12/06/2023 16:50

Gosh, I know you appreciate her help and giving you the opportunity to have alone time with your partner. However, she sounds controlling when it isn't her baby.....luckily it's only for a short spell and she will return to her castle soon.

HasBean7 · 12/06/2023 16:52

YANBU. Your baby your rules, no one should take them off you or refuse to give them back under any circumstances. You don't have to feel grateful for having someone willing to help with the baby if they make you feel like this. It's up to your DP to create boundaries you're happy with.

Peach0123 · 12/06/2023 16:54

It would be a fuck off from me too.
Why did you let her continue to hold the baby if you wanted to take them back? I would just say no thanks but I'm dealing with this. As for clothing etc, that's just strange. Don't understand why mothers these days are worried about standing up for themselves and kids. It just makes you ill and it will continue (take that from experience, now with 2nd I've stood up for myself and don't care what people think). If DH won't support you then your not wrong to do it yourself. It's horrible sometimes and hope you get this sorted soon. YANBU

Original poster
Blondewave · 12/06/2023 17:02

Peach0123 · 12/06/2023 16:54

It would be a fuck off from me too.
Why did you let her continue to hold the baby if you wanted to take them back? I would just say no thanks but I'm dealing with this. As for clothing etc, that's just strange. Don't understand why mothers these days are worried about standing up for themselves and kids. It just makes you ill and it will continue (take that from experience, now with 2nd I've stood up for myself and don't care what people think). If DH won't support you then your not wrong to do it yourself. It's horrible sometimes and hope you get this sorted soon. YANBU

Yeah to be honest I never said anything as she is very very sensitive. We have always had a good relationship till now. When she’s started dictating stuff in my home..she only came to visit for a week as she currently has no where to stay so I was doing her a favour…she offered to have baby one night while we went away to a wedding whilst she was here..wish I’d not agreed to that as she just went like a women possessed and had taken over everything on our return.

I am bad at being assertive as I don’t want to hurt peoples feelings but the resentment it built was very big..she was going to look after my son 2 days a week when I go back to work but that won’t be happening now…as she ignores my wishes. My DH is supportive and has said he can see why I’m upset but at the same time he won’t say anything to his mum as he doesn’t want to rock the boat

OP posts:
Passionfruitroulade · 12/06/2023 17:04

I’m confused

is she living with you?

Passionfruitroulade · 12/06/2023 17:05

as she currently has no where to stay so I was doing her a favour

she is homeless?

Trina89 · 12/06/2023 17:08

cptartapp · 12/06/2023 16:47

Over involved. And a bit weird.
Just see less of her.

Yeah, simple solution.

I wouldn’t have her babysit over night if she behaves so bizarrely like this.

If she is constantly around or you’re reliant on her for childcare, she has more opportunities to wind you up.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 12/06/2023 17:09

You need your husband on board and to tell her to fuck off. Quickly.

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