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Original poster

MIL creeping me out with my 3 month baby

84 replies

Blondewave · 12/06/2023 16:06

Hello

posting this as want to know if I’m being ‘touchy’

i have a 3 month old baby always got on well with my MIl. Although she came to stay with us for just under a week and looked after baby while we went away for the night.

when we came back she was like a different woman, would not give me my baby, insisted she knew him better than me and constantly kept taking him off me…some of the things she said;

To my baby ‘ You are MY gorgeous boy aren’t you?’

He needed a feed just before dinner so she took him off me and told me to eat my dinner…I finished it and said pass him to me you eat your dinner..she said ‘No don’t disturb him please he’s comfy’

Constnstly taking him off me…when he cries when I’m holding him I can see her itching to grab him and she’s like oh no you need granny.

I went to change his nappy and get him dressed for the day she said ‘no he doesn’t need his nappy changing and his baby grow is clean’

she told me she’s feeding him at different times to see if he settles. He’s been projective vomiting as it transpired when we were away she’s been putting in an extra scoop of formula (as it sticks to the sides of the scoop she said) however we do not do that! Also she isn’t stelrizing the bottles how I asked her to.

she also completely re arranged my whole house and tells me that I can’t use the drier as it’s too expensive in my own home etc.

I never want to see her again. I stayed quiet but I just wanted to scream. I don’t want her near me or my baby ever again. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Craftycorvid · 12/06/2023 20:34

I am very unqualified to comment - other than as an observer of motherhood and grandmotherhood. All I can say is that some women seem to go crazy when presented with a new grandchild (is it the first?). How old is your MiL? My ‘take’ is that a few things seem to happen simultaneously - for some women, menopause brings them into contact with the fact their own baby-having days are done (I’m confirmed and happily childless and even I had a very strange ‘road not taken’ phase). Then they somehow re-enact motherhood with grandchildren (maybe they have unresolved issues about their own parenting days?) Not that such observations are helpful, I’m just suggesting that the madness is hopefully temporary - certainly seems to be about babies specifically. But boundaries, definitely! I feel for you trying to figure out being a parent with someone obsessing about being a grandparent and breathing down your neck. The rearranging the house is beyond a joke!

piedbeauty · 12/06/2023 21:04

Op, she is not 'very, very sensitive'. She completely ignored all your wishes and rode roughshod over them - that's not sensitive, I'd it? What you mean is that she's selfish and self-centred and insane.

Your h needs to stand up for you and put her in her place.

Maloneyb · 12/06/2023 21:47

☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️
she’s nuts

you’re not being unreasonable

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NaatQ968 · 12/06/2023 21:49

She sounds like an absolute fruit cake. Get your husband told and keep her away from your baby.

Isolationendurance · 12/06/2023 22:01

2bazookas · 12/06/2023 16:30

How every lucky you are to have a family member who can take charge of your baby for 24 hours or longer if there's an emergency, one of you is in hospital, or just need some couple time. How lucky you are that MIL adores your baby and no doubt he will adore his Granny in years to come; what a fulfilling relationship for him to experience.

Accept, she's not you, she's a separate person with her own quirks and imperfections. Maybe count what things you have in common?

You both love DH
You both love Baby
You are determined women, you both like your own way and are both a bit possessive of Baby. Because you adore him.

They're not two women with a doll ffs. It's a mother's place to mother her child - it doesn't make her possessive. And who is Baby?

MisschiefMaker · 13/06/2023 00:17

You both sound a bit mad tbh but babies do that to people I suppose.

I would let it go. She loves the baby and helped you out. She'd be so hurt to read what you wrote about her.

You just need to be a little firmer on things like the formula. But don't lose sight of the fact that she's allowed to adore her GC and feel protective over them.

The house rearranging was probably just her trying to do you a favour, no? To repay you for letting her stay?

Whataretalkingabout · 13/06/2023 00:52

What is it with all these people defending the bat-shit insane GM??

The OP is a brand new DM. She is just getting to know her role as a DM and establishing a relationship with her brand new baby. She should rightly be protective and possessive. Any respectable GM and MIL would know to back off and allow the young DM to learn her new role and should be supportive of her decisions not contradicting and undernmining them.

Put that overbearing woman in her place OP!

GodspeedJune · 13/06/2023 01:08

I’m still a new Mum but I’ve learnt that I feel much better standing up to people in the moment than letting them ride roughshod over me and fretting about it afterwards.

‘No MIL, baby is fine with me’
‘I will take baby now’ if she protests ‘No MIL, it’s not a discussion, I am taking baby now’.

OhcantthInkofaname · 13/06/2023 02:45

I think you're a DH should rock the boat before it sinks!

OhcantthInkofaname · 13/06/2023 02:47

My autocorrect went crazy: ^
Your DH should rock the boat before it sinks.

Justchooseone · 13/06/2023 03:37

I cannot believe the number of people defending her.

Shes batshit. YANBU. You AND your DH need to set some boundaries now or it will get worse.

(and I’d be really upset about her saying MY baby, if she’s putting the emphasis how you’ve written it!!)

WandaWonder · 13/06/2023 03:50

If this is all real I think you are both treating the child as a possession, she sounds OTT but maybe you need to calm down a bit

JandalsAlways · 13/06/2023 03:53

Breathe. She sounds a bit overbearing but don't fall out. You will be grateful to have a babysitter later on, trust me.

Spottedsox · 13/06/2023 03:55

2bazookas · 12/06/2023 16:30

How every lucky you are to have a family member who can take charge of your baby for 24 hours or longer if there's an emergency, one of you is in hospital, or just need some couple time. How lucky you are that MIL adores your baby and no doubt he will adore his Granny in years to come; what a fulfilling relationship for him to experience.

Accept, she's not you, she's a separate person with her own quirks and imperfections. Maybe count what things you have in common?

You both love DH
You both love Baby
You are determined women, you both like your own way and are both a bit possessive of Baby. Because you adore him.

Oh get real.
The MiL is taking over rearranging the house,, so rude unless it was asked before hand.
Over protective leach.MIL.
Go read your bible!

Spottedsox · 13/06/2023 04:01

MIL needs put in her place and respect your ways and wants for your baby.
Do it now with support of your partner.
How did you cope.
Do not be feeling ungrateful but steering her into respectful support of anything.

NaatQ968 · 13/06/2023 05:30

MisschiefMaker · 13/06/2023 00:17

You both sound a bit mad tbh but babies do that to people I suppose.

I would let it go. She loves the baby and helped you out. She'd be so hurt to read what you wrote about her.

You just need to be a little firmer on things like the formula. But don't lose sight of the fact that she's allowed to adore her GC and feel protective over them.

The house rearranging was probably just her trying to do you a favour, no? To repay you for letting her stay?

You'd be ok with your MIL acting that way? Rearranging your house? You sound like your a mother in law who's probably done something similar 😂

Nosleepforthismum · 13/06/2023 05:34

Focus on the actual important stuff like the formula and the sterilising of the bottles. They need to be addressed either now or next time you see her. Everything else I’d just let go. Yes, she sounds a little insane but I’m all about an easy life these days. You just need to work on being more assertive in the moment when these situations crop up (like just taking the baby if you want him).

The reality is that a three month old is adorable because they are basically a smiley potato. This is when you need to get grandparents and other relatives to fall in love hard so they will still want to babysit and be involved when they are snotty, grubby toddlers running rampant around your home.

Gdxx · 13/06/2023 05:36

She sounds impossible 🤦🏻‍♀️ If it comes to it and she tells you no about something involving your own child, just snap and say no back to her. Repeatedly doing this should work! Don’t allow her to be round your house for days or hours on end. Limit the visits so they’re on your terms and you’re not in the situation again where you’re eating dinner etc. It’s not easy, my in-laws were like this even just on visits with baby #1 and I’m now gearing myself up for it again with #2 but this time I’m just going to snap instead of bottling it all up and crying when they leave!

Catspyjamas17 · 13/06/2023 05:38

These replies are crazy. MIL sounds bloody unhinged to me, who does that?

MisschiefMaker · 13/06/2023 13:57

@NaatQ968 haha I'm not a MIL. I have a young child and my DM rearranged my kitchen without asking when I was post partum to make it tidier and more organised. It was well intended and actually quite helpful so I thought it was a lovely gesture. Obviously the OP is within her rights not to want that but I do think the MIL is probably trying to be helpful so rather than going in all guns blazing and falling out with her I think she should take a gentle approach and not jeopardise the relationship, that's all. I felt a bit sad for the MIL reading it. She's tried to help and clearly adores the baby and now her DIL hates her. By all means set some boundaries but I don't think she should be ostracised or made to feel bad for her behaviour.

flowerzchox · 13/06/2023 14:57

2bazookas · 12/06/2023 16:30

How every lucky you are to have a family member who can take charge of your baby for 24 hours or longer if there's an emergency, one of you is in hospital, or just need some couple time. How lucky you are that MIL adores your baby and no doubt he will adore his Granny in years to come; what a fulfilling relationship for him to experience.

Accept, she's not you, she's a separate person with her own quirks and imperfections. Maybe count what things you have in common?

You both love DH
You both love Baby
You are determined women, you both like your own way and are both a bit possessive of Baby. Because you adore him.

Absolutely not ! That isn't luck what op has described is awful
Bet you wouldn't like it if it happened to you

Op my mil was over bearing but not in the ways you mentioned and she's now severely
Annoyed with us because she can't be with us all the time and completely take over
It's her loss - she's become controlling and manipulative where as my mum hasn't
It's sad but there's so many posts on nightmare mil
I didn't have one until my baby was born

flowerzchox · 13/06/2023 14:57

Harvey3 · 12/06/2023 16:36

I'd just be grateful for the help to be honest!

That's sad

Harvey3 · 13/06/2023 15:03

Flowers ... coming from someone with help on both sides of the family. OP can set some boundaries and be in a very fortunate position to have someone she can call on.

Fraaahnces · 13/06/2023 15:14

She’s totally marking her territory. She uses “sensitive” as a weapon. She’s actually controlling. Tell her to pull her head in. Remind her that the baby and the house are yours and you don’t want her rearranging anything.
BTW, extra formula (especially in hot weather) can cause kidney damage.

Original poster
Blondewave · 13/06/2023 17:33

MisschiefMaker · 13/06/2023 13:57

@NaatQ968 haha I'm not a MIL. I have a young child and my DM rearranged my kitchen without asking when I was post partum to make it tidier and more organised. It was well intended and actually quite helpful so I thought it was a lovely gesture. Obviously the OP is within her rights not to want that but I do think the MIL is probably trying to be helpful so rather than going in all guns blazing and falling out with her I think she should take a gentle approach and not jeopardise the relationship, that's all. I felt a bit sad for the MIL reading it. She's tried to help and clearly adores the baby and now her DIL hates her. By all means set some boundaries but I don't think she should be ostracised or made to feel bad for her behaviour.

I have a cleaner so didn’t need any help. My house was spotless before she arrived..she brought a lot of stuff with her which was fair enough but she rearranged stuff as in just moved stuff unnessicarily to different places..etc put out plant pots that I have in the garage for out doors on my window sills without plants in them. Etc.

was more the act of her taking over my home then my baby then acting like I was the intruder in my home…crouching over me whenever I held my baby and wanting to grab him off me…even pushing my hair behind my back and off his face.

if I want my hair to slightly dangle in my babys face it can…however her irritation to my hair (that is very long) was so inappropriate. I grew the baby in my own body..my body was his home.

I unfortunately have to see her again for a weekend very soon but I won’t be standing for her behaviour and will be limiting contact to short small bursts if she continues.

OP posts: