Is it Ok to watch your children sleep on a video monitor whilst you go out to dinner

[Jzee]

Whilst on holiday? I can't really believe that someone I know seems to think this is an Ok thing to do? Personally, I think it's pretty selfish and when I've been on holiday we've allways taken DD out with us either for an early dinner or taken the buggy so she can sleep. In the light of recent news events I can't believe some parents are prepared to take these chances?

Glad someone agrees poppy!

carmenelectra - "IT strikes me that people who do this as the type who would have their baby at the Portland(WAS WATCHING THIS LAST NIGHT) and then leave their babies in the nursery to have a celebration dinner with their DP/DH." I know you have no way of knowing just how remarkably far from the truth this is... starting with lack of DP/DH and moving on to the rather unconventional arrival iof DS in my life... ROFPMSL

I dont know what on earth you are talking about.

Anyway, whatever. I wont budge on this topic. I think its just palin weird that peopel leave their kids on holiday. Full stop.

Or rather plain weird.

I know you don;t carmen - just very amusing how far from reality your fantasy person is!

Yous wierdly

Kewcumber

(PS do you ever leave them? Or is it just a holiday rule)

A predatory paedophile was convicted today of raping a six-year-old girl he snatched from her bath two days after Christmas Day last year.

After today's verdict, a statement from the girl's mother said the attack was "every mother's nightmare".

She said: "My little girl was in the bath in her own home within earshot of everyone else in the flat, the back door was shut and I'd only just left the bathroom to go to another room when she was snatched.

"It's every mother's nightmare to think your children aren't safe in their home. You wouldn't think you would have to lock all your doors this early in the evening to protect your children from anyone entering your home uninvited."

I don't even leave my dd on a different floor in the same house and I have a dang great big German Shepard as back up, definately would not leave her on her own on holiday.

Probably has something to do with growing up in a third world country ... but bad people are everywhere!!!!

"I don't even leave my dd on a different floor in the same house" - how on earth do you manage to live your live staying within arms reach of your child? Unless of course they are under one. Surely being on the same floor isn't a guaratnee - we had a burglary once. They broke in through an (empty though they didn't know that) upstairs bedroom window. No-one woke up.

there are people (though I'm not one of them) who would say having a German Shpehard dog is a higher risk than a random paedophile breaking in.

Guess it's never really bothered me, seems natural to want to protect her as best I can, and yes she is ALWAYS without exception on the same floor as us and at night when we all go to bed said GSD sleeps at her bedroom door. I have seen these situations end in tears to many times. Guess I just accept it as being part of the parenting package ie. what I signed up for!!

kEwcumber, The only thing i do is nip to the newsagents , which is pretty much next to our house. Takes me 2 min. And thats only leaving ds1 aged 8. Itell him where im going and i leave our big tough dog in the porch

But its not a safety issue, like i said before.
Im not overprotective or anything. When we are on hols our ds can roam around the hotel if he wants to when he meets friends. And he goes off in the pool all day etc.
They are the things he wants to do without us.
Ijust wouldnt leave him alone in the room at night.

And neither am I .... he is as timid with her as if she was his own offspring, don't get me wrong I fully understand that he is an animal with instincts and is to be treated with respect.

Oh and kewcumber, ive seen your profile so i can guess your situation at home, i think

Sometimes situations are beyond your control though.

The one time I have left DD in a hotel room she was 6mo and it was to go to a family dinner at a v posh no kids restaurant the night before dsis wedding.

I was uncomfortable doing it but our only choices were one of us not go causing big family stink or leave DD.

We left her with an agency babysitter and I did feel pretty scared that this random Romanian woman might make off with DD but Dh and I checked regularly.

carmen - if I had an 8 yr old I no doubt would eat with him too.

Niker what do you do (out of interest) when your DC has gone to bed? Di you sit upstairs then? You don't venture downstairs at all after they are in bed? What other risks do you avoid? I'mfascinated - your approach is really way out of my experience. I do genuinely understand why someone wouldnt want to leave their child in a hotel room but to not be prepared to leave them on a differnt floor of your own home seems, well... unusual.

How old is your DC?

Kewcumber

He hasnt always been 8 though but we have always eaten together!

it would drive me demented eating dinner with him everyday in addition to having to eat so early when you have a toddler. you obviously have a great deal more patience than me.

Quote Actually, the one time we stayed at a hotel which advertised baby listening facilites (for a wedding being held there), they had actaully withdrawn them - so we ended up just having to leave ds (only 8 or 9 months at the time) and check on him periodically.

No Prettybird, you DIDNT HAVE to leave ds at all. You chose to leave him alone at such a young age. How awfully irresponsible. Even if he hadnt have got hurt/stolen, he could well have been upset and scared and alone.

Im shocked. Selfish. Im sorry,but it is.

no, it isn't. You think it is, I don't who wins?

How would an 8 month old hurt themselves in a cot in any way other than they would at home in a cot? How could you leave a child in a cot ever if there was a significant risk of it hurting itself?

Why am I continuing to argue this? ALl of us it seems wouldnt do what the OP's friend did/wanted to do and go off to a different building. Some of us would have left/have left our DC's in a hotel room and gone downstairs for dinner in smallish hotel with a baby monitor on or with a strange babysitter. One person appears to keep their baby within 10 meters (but only horizontally not vertically) of them at all times, home or away.

Is that a reasonable summary?

Can we now agree to stop saying in different ways...

"neglectful bitch"
"neurotic witch"
"neglectful bitch"
"neurotic witch"
"neglectful bitch"
"neurotic witch"

and take it as read that we are neglectful parents whose childrne should be taken away by social services and you are neurotic control freaks.

I think social services would probably think that an 8 month child, left unsupervised would be in danger. I know, lets ask.

My dc got legs caught, tried to clamber over the top. Who knows when the first time they scale the bars is oing to be. Danger isnt the only aspect, 8 months old babies get upset, scared, they cry.

Wierdos DO break in. Chlidren do get stolen.

MY child WILL NEVER be one of these kids, because I KNOW exactly what is happening, ALL the time.

We had an attempted break in last week. I fought the man out of my front door. If I wasnt in, kid left in cot, other one in front of cbeebies, what would have happened?

I dont want to think about it.

Mother-protector.

If you dont enjoy eating dinner with your son bad luck. YOU are stuck with it until he leaves home.

I would never call anyone a bitch. I dont know you. But yes, you ARE neglectful. Dangerously so.

A hotel is a public space. Lots of people you dont know all next to you, with just a hotel lockl, which hotel staff have access to open whenever they want.

In my house upstairs, NOONE bar me and dh and FIL have a key. My house is small, not the floors and floor between me and the kids that would be in a hotel.

Mainly though NO STRANGER has a key. In a hotel the manager, the cleaning staff, security, they have access. Not to mention you have no idea who is in the room next to you, watching your kids...like poor Madeline.

Take your kids with you to dinner. If you dont like doing that, get proper childcare.

You have responsiblities, you are the adult.

Gosh moom,

Thats awful what happened in you own house. It doesnt bear thinking about what might have happened if you hadnt been in.

I agree totally and utterly everything you said. Stacks of hotel staff have keys and although ive never been anywhere where i have cause to distrust staff, you never know. Agree also, and have said several times, that there a big difference with the size of a house and floors even in a small hotel. Even though its not just the saftety issue. Its the frightened child that would bother me and just the plain fact, that it seems so wrong to leave a kid while you appently enjoy a peaceful dinner.

Yes i think too, thats its bascially tough if you find it a pain having dinner with kids, but thats what happenes when you choose to become a parent! Sometimes we have had shit dinners/nights out on holiday with a baby/toddler/child, that have been rushed or stressful. But id say most have been just fine cos i dont expect them to be the same as when we are alone as a couple!

What is SOOOOOOOOOOo annoying about this thread is all the farking martyred 'oh I wouldn't dream of wanting to dine without ffjion and Mungo'. WHY the FARK NOT?
Did you not have a relationship with your partner before you had children? What is wrong with wanting to spend time without your children. It doesn't mean you don't love them or want to spend time with them, it just means you want to eat a quiet relaxing meal with your partner.
I wouldn't leave my dc in a separate building but I would employ a babysitter so that I could have a meal with my dh. A holiday is supposed to be a break for the parents too. This self sacrificing bollocks just gets on my nerves.

No way am i a martyr. And i am the least mumsy, 'wont leave my kids' type of person.

I had a life before kids and still have agreat one now.

I left ds1 with my mother when he was about 8wks old to go to a wedding in Kent for the weekend. So i could get wrecked! Couldnt wait to dress up and enjopy myself after being pregnant.

People who have no life when they have kids irritate me. I fact, i have fallen out with several close friends since they had kids cos they have become boring beyond belief. Baby talk, no drinking for 2 yrs(either pregnant/bf/not ready to leave baby yet. Jesus.

i love enjoying myself. But if i want a quiet evening with dp or a proper piss up then i would have a babysitter(at home). Our holidays however, are family affairs so children are included. We still have a good time and we have still had time on our own. We have used kids club in the day sometimes and ds1 has aways mixed well and he will often choose to sit with his friends during the evening if there is a show on, so then we can drink/chat together. Now hes older its even easier cos when he meets mates he prefers to play pool with them or whatever than sit with us. So if anything, im asking him to come and join us!

All im saying is that we adapt our hol now we have kids, but i dont expect an intimate dinner for two and nor do i desperately want one. Or i dont want one so bad that i would leave a child in a a hotel room!

We left our kids sleeping in hotel room and ate in restaurant downstairs. All parents fretted. Hotel room doors locked from outside but obviously kids could open from inside if awake. All kids escaped and appeared in restaurant at some point. Except ours who are too scared of getting told off. WE all got more and more cavalier as the week wore on.

It does make me feel uncomfortable. My mum says they used to go across the road to the pub when we were asleep. Crappy things still happened to kids then but not as well reported. Its such a difficult one.