Is it Ok to watch your children sleep on a video monitor whilst you go out to dinner

[Jzee]

Whilst on holiday? I can't really believe that someone I know seems to think this is an Ok thing to do? Personally, I think it's pretty selfish and when I've been on holiday we've allways taken DD out with us either for an early dinner or taken the buggy so she can sleep. In the light of recent news events I can't believe some parents are prepared to take these chances?

never in a million years.

what's wrong with a babysitter!

As I said CE, each to their own and a slightly separate debate to the one raised by the OP.

It's not just a case of what appeals to us: we have gone back to the same wee hotel in Greece for 3 years and will go again tihs year becaseu ds likes it. If it were up to us (the adults), we would go to different places.

And I repeat again - ds goes off to bed, because he want to and needs to. He doesn't want to stay up until all hours. He may well go and play for a wee while in his room - reading or drawing or playing in his Nintend - befor eputting his light on, but we have spent plenty of time during the day playing with him in the pool, on the beach, playing football, fishing or whatever. He doesn't want to spend every minute of every day with us.

As a strong and loving family unit, we don't need to spend every minute with each other.

Darth vader - "I think this is a class issue.
" right then, that would be it

... although I am middle class (and confortable with the fact) and all my firends, who I know have the same views about leaving children (supposedly) "unattended" are also "middle class" And some are even doctors and social workers!

But then, I have lived in comfortable middle class areas all my life and don't know many "working class" people!

the law on the matter:

British law does not stipulate an age at which it's acceptable to leave children alone. As parents, you're legally responsible for the welfare of your children, which means it's an offence to do anything that may put them at risk. Parents can be prosecuted for wilful neglect under the Children and Young Person's Act 1933, if they leave a child unsupervised "in a manner likely to cause unnecessary suffering or injury to health". But assessing what is a risk, and at what age, isn't always straight forward.

I can understand in a small hotel and you are on the premises with a babylistening service. I personally couldn't do it I'd rather go for self catering, pop them to bed and relax in close proximity, preferably in a hot tub with a glass of champers. I prefer a more family orientated holiday rather than adult/children.

or maybe we working class people can;t afford a hotel and dinner on the same holiday

I think that law is actually quite sensible. It's got that old-fashioned commonlaw insistence on what a reasonable person would consider sensible and takes into account difference in individual children's temperaments, maturity, etc. And different locations.

...but of course it mightn't apply in Portugal or Spain or Greece as it's English law.

I don't understand why the occasional night out at dinner with your DH or whomever turns a family holiday into some kind of child gulag?

I don;t go to hotels as a rule because I can;t afford them, the one occasion I'm thinkingo f was a hotel used for a family birhday celebration there wasn;t wa choice about where to stay and as I wasn;t paying I wasn;t about to start dictating. As it was it worked very well. DS had a great time - don;t think he's been emotionally scarred by not going to dinner with me (at 18 months) two evenings.

What I don't understan is why people do things on holiday which they wouldn't normally do at home? Leaving a child sleeping at home and going to the shops out for a meal, even if it's around the corner is generally seen to be unacceptable. Why suddenly is it OK abroad? I think leaving a child in an hotel room, near the hotel's restaurant, and having checked that the baby monitor works at this distance beforehand is OK, but leaving the building and going to a nearby restuarant (even if you have a fancy vidoe monitor) isn't.

KC: at child gulag.

Salingduo - that's a good way of putting it. I wouldn't do anything I wouldn't do the equivelant of at home. It's just I consider eating in the same hotel, with ds in a room as close or closer than he would be at home (espcially if we were eating/sitting outside in the garden on a long summer evening - with ds three floors away, albeit with his room window visible from the garden) to be an equivelant rsik, knowing ds and his sleep patterns, whereas others on here don't consider it to be comparable.

And never the twain shall meet!

Some of you must live in massive houses then. If the equivalent of sitting in a hotel restaurant is the same as in your living/dining room with kids in bed. Mine isnt 2 of 3 flights of stairs away. And i usually have front and back doors locked at home while i eat dinner, theres usually just us here. Not a 24 hour reception and stacks of other people roaming around

I could sit in my neighbours house accross the road, think that would still be quite near ..

I do live in a large house: the top half of a large stone built house with very thick walls (it's a large Victorian villa that has been divided in two). So if we are inthe back garden and ds - who sleeps in the attic bedroom, is three floors away, via a front (only) door that we can't see from the back garden.

And our door is rarely locked when we are in the house (and ds knows how to put it on/off the latch anyway)

Whereas, in the small Greek hotel, ds' room is probably, "as the crow flies" closer to where we would eat than our patio at home. No 24 hour reception at the hotel- but the "restaurant" tables basically surround the hotel.

Oh well if you live in huge house maybe it seems no different to you.

Personally it wouldnt crossmy mind(or anyone i know) to do such a thing.

IT strikes me that people who do this as the type who would have their baby at the Portland(WAS WATCHING THIS LAST NIGHT) and then leave their babies in the nursery to have a celebration dinner with their DP/DH. Or the type of people who have kids and then then the nanny does everything. maybe middle class like someone else said...

Though, i think im middle class. Who knows.

Sorry to generalise but thats what i imagine

Hmmm. I am very loathe to draw class into anything. All you can say for certain on this is that people who can afford hotels with baby-listening facilies are on balance likely to have more money than those who do not and even that is pushing it.

And in terms of whether you feel secure about leaving your child alone with a monitor while you sit downstairs/ outside/ in hotel restaurant/ by pool, I would say again that this purely perception of risk. The level of actual risk is absolutely tiny. You have a significantly higher risk, for example, of you and your children being killed in a housefire whilst your child is asleep next to you.

Never had a nanny but did go back to work f/t when ds was 4 months old and used a child minder. And I also went out for a meal with dh when ds was only 4 weeks old (on the advice of my best friend, a GP and mother of 4 and my guru on all parenting matters as her kids are all lovely), leaving ds with a babysitter and a supply of espressed milk. So I porbably fit all your preconceptions!

Actually, the one time we stayed at a hotel which advertised baby listening facilites (for a wedding being held there), they had actaully withdrawn them - so we ended up just having to leave ds (only 8 or 9 months at the time) and check on him periodically.

I know someone who stayed in v posh hotel with baby listening facility, and then forgot to put the phone back on the hook when they "retired" for the night...

Dont think theres anything wrong having a night out with young baby prettybird! Iwent out when ds2 about 6-7wks old to the pub(piss up) for mates birthday!

Er no way!! OMG I wouldn't entertain anything like this and cannot believe anyone does.