Is it Ok to watch your children sleep on a video monitor whilst you go out to dinner

[Jzee]

Whilst on holiday? I can't really believe that someone I know seems to think this is an Ok thing to do? Personally, I think it's pretty selfish and when I've been on holiday we've allways taken DD out with us either for an early dinner or taken the buggy so she can sleep. In the light of recent news events I can't believe some parents are prepared to take these chances?

Sorry about the 'sneaking' bit! i know what you mean. However, its different to going downstairs for dinner at home. Your kids know you are downstairs, they wouldnt expect to to leave the house.

If i put my ds to bed in a hotel, he wouldnt be expecting us to leave to go and have a meal. He would think were sleeping too, or having a drink on the balcont, watching telly etc. Its a bit different, i think.

I'm with Kewcumber and Prettybird on this one. It depends on where you're staying, how old the children are, the distance to the restaurant/dining room. And how well your children sleep on holiday.

And actually much as I loved my children as babies I DIDN'T want to eat dinner with them every night on holiday. I wanted to spend a small amount of time (an hour or hour and a half) alone with my husband.

I think this may be a function of age/temperment. I wouldn't part with good money to keep DS up late (he's 2) and deal with him once his 15 minute attention span is lapsed! He is just about manageable at lunch provided one person can keep him out of trouble at any time.

I live opposite a restaurant. Hypothetically I could take a baby monitor over there and hear a young baby sleep (and the smoke alarm going off)

The distance to the restaurant is less than to the back of my garden where I would garden with no problem.

So I see no problem with that. I guess I would feel the same in a hotel room if the same/similar distances applied. I would not leave a child that can climb I don't think - but that is irrational as my stair gate would be on so if I was at the back of the garden they could come to the same amount of harm iyswim.

each to their own - I do not think my position would be 'neglectful'. (obviously)

I suppose its cos we alwys eat together at home and abroad, so it would be alien to me.

If i were to have a babysitter, which is unlikely, id tell him first. HE WOULD be scared to wake up alone too.

Iwouldnt do either. Thats why i havent got a massive amount odf sympathy for the McCann's

A friend of mine used to live next door to the pub and pop in for a coffee at lunchtime with the baby monitor. She said she could get to the baby more quickly from the bar than she could from the back of her garden, which was probably true. I'm not sure I'd have had the nerve for that one.

Grief what time do you eat! I couldn;t hang DS out past about 6.30 at the absolute latest and I'm barely in from work then.

We never eat until 7.30pm-8pm at home. WHen mine were babies or small toddlers they were dreadful past 6pm. 7pm at the latest. So taking them to a restaurant would be grim.

OH SORRY--was that for carmenlectra?

no for reasons which escape me I would be nervous to leave the building.

HAve big cruise holiday planned for Xmas 2008 and DS will be having dinner with us. I'm so hoping at 3 he will be better able to sit still than he is now

yes! Will quite happily have dinner with DS when he's able to have it later.

Probbaly have our dinner at half six ish. He is 8 though. And the baby usually sits with us too. When he was little we probably ate a bit earlier.

9 times out of 10 we eat our dinner together.

I think we must have very different home lives - Ds has tea at 5 he is in the bath at 7pm, I eat after he is in bed. Don't have any intention of making him wait until 6.30 and then forcing myself to eat that early, neither of us happy that way. As he gets a bit older we will both compromise and probably end up eating about 7.30 Though frankly with an 8 year I would also eat with them, I think people are mostly talking about small toddlers.

This is obviously a very personal choice. Kewcumber - I wasn't asking you to 'take the consequences young lady' - I was telling you that I couldn't live with the consequences if they were negative. I also did not suggest that you would leave your little one in an apartment with a cooker if he were able to get to it.

Prettybird - I agree everyday, everything we do in life is a risk. No arguements there. Kewcumber - I see no reason why I shouldn't apply this arguement to this discussion.

I do what I think is what is right for my family and I'm sure you do what is right for yours. I'm sorry if you don't like my phrasing or agree with my opinion. I can't believe that I am discussing the rights and wrongs of leaving a child unattended whilst on holiday and being made to feel like my opinon is odd!

Sorry Lazycow this time not pretty bird.
Kew- we run our home lives differently despite them being similar! Like you I work full-time, I have a 2 and 4 year old and although I'm married my husband is overseas so I am take all of the day to day parental responsibilities. I get home between 5.30 and 6, cook dinner, the 3 of us eat together, I bath or wash girls at 7, then stories and into bed for 7.30. At which point I start my chores or catch up with paperwork, so no time to eat alone later unfortunately!

I get home at 6.15-6.30pm what you do isn;t really practical and I don;t like DS to eat too much so close to bed. Though thats really irrelevant.

My 'take the consequences young lady' was a quote from my grandmother - which your post rather reminded me of. Always said in a disapproving tone - I'm programmed to kick back against it.

and I don't think your opinion is odd at all. I don't even disagree with it (on the grounds that I don't really care), my slight irritation is more to do with your "take the consquences" when in fact there are not likely to be any consequences in the situations I decribed. I understand you don;t agree and you think that there are likley to be consequences. I don't think the consequences are significanlty different to say leaving the child with a babysitter. For those who have used the burning to death on their own in a room - would you be happier if they burn to death with a babysitter with them, do you ever go out without your DC's in that case?

No I wouldn't be happier if they burn to death with a babysitter and no I never go out on my own. But this is due to the aforementioned circumstances of being the only parent/adult available to care for my children, rather than because I wouldn't like to.

That wasn't specifically addressed to you Geisha - more of a general comment to those who have given as a rationalisation that the child might die in a fire/smoke inhalation etc without you.

I'm single so too rarely go out in the evening, my mum does babysit for me once a month though.

Its not just about burning to death in a room while you eat dinner. Admittedly, the chances are slim. It just doesnt seem 'right' to take kids on holiday and then leave them in the room so you can enjoy an adult dinner. Seems bizarre to me and is it actually 'allowed'?Are hotels happy knowing children are left on their own. I cant imagine they would be.

I could not imagine sitting relaxing, laughing in a hotel restaurant knowing i had kids lying up in bed. Even the smallest most intimate hotel would surely be bigger than your own house?

I actually enjoy us all together on holiday. Its nice us sitting together, maybe palying cards while we wiat for dinner or now ds1 is older, he will maybe sit and play his psp or something. When he was little he would sit in his highchair with toys and as a bit older we would colour in or something similar to keep him amused while waiting. Some nights were a disaster, but mostly fine.

its their choice, I wouldn't/couldn't leave dd. we go on holiday as a family, and if it means we eat our evening meal at 6pm together we do. I wouldn't have considered doing it before recent events took place. we are a bit ott. we attended a family reunion last march dh's father side of the family. was taking place in someones house who we had never met, I only new a hand full of family members as did dh. Those attending couldn't understand why we wouldn't put dd in a dark room asleep in her car seat. This was a strange house, full of strange people with music & lots of chatting. anything could have happened, she could have been taken & we wouldn't have know until we went to check on her.

You seriously think that members of your extended family might take a sleeping baby? I must admit that's never occurred to me. I might be worried that they'd wake and feel disoriented and upset but I always had the monitor with me anyway.

I am with Custy and the OP. Have never left mine, never used a baby listening service even when they were safely in cots. It's erm, wrong, isn't it?

I think it depends on the age and temperament of the children, and the geography of the hotel. Over the years out stratagy has evolved from room service (well a tray of food from the cafe in a travel hotel!), to either eating with our son or showing ds (now 8)the location of the bar or restaurant (in the same small hotel!)so he knows exactly where we are to come and get us if a problem arose. The worst hotel (from the dining point of view) we stayed at was a well recommended expensive (by our standards)family hotel where the reception desk did not guard the front door, and dinner was an adult only affair! They had a baby watch service but we felt ds (then 2) could get out and ended with a posh tray in our room! Never again!

I know I;m in the minorty it seesm saying I would consider ( leaving DS asleep in the room) and go to dinner in teh hotel restaurant but "laughing in a hotel restaurant knowing i had kids lying up in bed" - really you can;t imagine enjoying yourslef if your kids were asleep in bed?! I'm talking toddlers here. You really think a toddlers idea of a lovely holiday is being kept up way past their bedtime in a restaurant. Its my two year olds idea of hell.

No i couldnt imagine laughing actually, while my kids were in bed in a strange place and probably in a strange country. I wouldnt be able to relax, knowing they might wake and wonder where the hell id gone. Especially as toddlers, who wouldnt understand.

MY ds actually said last yr in Tunisia(after all that had happened with Madeleine, which he had seen on the news, "You wont leave me in bed and go and have breakfast will you?" I said no way would we, ever. And hes not a clingy child and neither are we fussy parents.

I understand some people dont agree with what we do either, keeping kids up late and sleeping in their buggy while we have a drink, but there is another alternative to just acting like you are at home and going down into your living room for dinner. Why not just get a villa. That way the kids can go to bed as normal and the adults can sit and eat and drink in peace.