Is it Ok to watch your children sleep on a video monitor whilst you go out to dinner

[Jzee]

Whilst on holiday? I can't really believe that someone I know seems to think this is an Ok thing to do? Personally, I think it's pretty selfish and when I've been on holiday we've allways taken DD out with us either for an early dinner or taken the buggy so she can sleep. In the light of recent news events I can't believe some parents are prepared to take these chances?

NO!!!

My kids would be so frightened to be on their own, no matter what age.

Is it not a FAMILY holiday???

Yes the sleeping in the buggy idea is fantastic - as long as the child does not have other ideas. I remember pacing the back streets of Windermere trying to get DS to drop off and then eventually giving up and going and laying in bed in the dark in the B&B at 8.30 waiting for him to drop off in the travel cot. Neither of mine have ever slept in a buggy, and although we didn't leave them - had cottage and caravan holidays when they were small - we would have preferred to be able to do something more with the evenings.

Luckily they are now of an age where they can eat with us of an evening. Last summer in the south of France they were 6 and 3 and DD had a late afternoon nap and then we would eat out at about 8 ish. Good job because none of the restaurants were open until 7!

we have only ever done villa/apartment holidays. First night or two keep kids natural routine going, get them in bed at normal time, have nice bbq and some beer and a swim.....rest of the time, busy busy days, late afternoon nap, bath and out for dinner....eat with us and buggy available for naps. Always gone away with family or large group of friends, so help is on hand and you have one night free childcare while dh and I eat alone for a change.

NEVER NEVER leave them in a hotel room with monitor if I was in diff building, would not be able to relax.

When they were 5 months old we went to Jersey and stayed in a hotel for a friends wedding. First night we did put them to bed and took monitor down to bar below our room. However the following 6 nights we did bath and bottle and into buggy at about 7pm and then out for dinner and they didn't wake once...would get back, another bottle and they slept til half 5 ish.

Ruby - I don't think small hotel/big family home comparison if "flawed" I didn't claim they were exactly the same but in distance comparable.

I would still leave DS in a hotel room in a small hotel and use the restaurant despite your sarcasm implying that makes me a lazy/incompetant parent.

yes but what if they wake up and want you?

they are in a strange room and will be scared

I could not sit and relax in a restarant while my children were in a hotel room alone

never

In answer to OP - I probably wouldn't do it but I think it is fine to do this.

Carmeneletra - so speaks someone with a childen who sleeps easily

Believe me as someone who assumed my child would come out with me on holiday , it was a great shock to have a screaming unhappy 7 month old baby who refused to sleep at all until we got back to our room at 10pm and who would still wake at 5am the next day.

This would then be followed by a miserable day with a baby who cried most of the day through over-stimulation or tiredness. A week of this was enough to convince me that holidays would have to change.

So on subsequent holidays yes we ate very early and were home by 8pm or we went self catering and ate at home. We also went to a great deal of trouble to ensure ds had regular naps most days - uaually in our accomodation since he rarely slept much or for long in cars or buggies until he was 2 years old.

To be honest they weren't fantastic holidays for us in the way pre-baby ones would have been but in comparison to the first one we tried they were amazingly relaxing.

Now he is 3 and it is wonderful that he can go out with us and stay up later and sometimes even sleeps past 6am to make up for it

Interesting one this. Wonder how much people (generally) have shifted their thinking since MM? Since DS was born we have not been on holiday so this has never arisen. However, we did once do something vaguely similar to this. DS was (I think) about 5 months old. We went to our next door neighbours house for a meal. I had the monitor (sound only) in front of me with sound and sensitivity up full. I could hear him breathing. I would have certainly heard our smoke alarm had it gone off. I could be back in my own home in about 30 seconds. DS stayed fast asleep in his cot in a locked house. I had checked the monitor about three times that day. I worried that this was the wrong thing to do at the time but it was so nice to have an hour "off" talking like a grown-up again. Everyone reassured me that this was fine. I do not believe I am guilty of neglect. that said, since MM I would not do it I don't think. There again, I would not personally stick him in a buggy and let him sleep next to the dinner table whilst I carried on as normal but then DS has very particular sleeping habits and that would NOT work for him - that would be selfish and just way too stressful. We are just resigned to having no holiday until he leaves home .

Lazycow,

I dont believe im lucky in the fact my ds slept well in a buggy. He wasnt that type of child really. Very active and boisterious!

We made sure that he did though. We would persevere and walk around if necessary till he dropped off. Im a firm believer that children should fit in with you, not the other way round.

My sister cracks me up when she says her ds wont sleep in a pushchair. Well, thats probably cos she tries for about 5 min and if he complains, she gets him out!

We didnt force our ds, but we recognised the signs of tiredness and then put him in the pushchair with his dummy and then persevered. If he wasnt tired, i had no problem him being awake and playing or reading a book etc. Enjoy being out as a family, but when he got grumpy, i wouldnt go back to the hotel, it was buggy time.

Yes Bozza - We didn't leave ds often. One long weekend when he was less than a year old we did leave him in our room in a small hotel (with a monitor) so we could have dinner.

The reason we did so was that we were in a hotel where the restaurant opened at 6pm but even this was too late for ds in those days as he would have cried all evening. We tried the first evening and it was so stressful that the second evening we did leave him. We had a quick dinner and were back by 8.30pm. The third evening one of us bought fish and chips and we ate that in the room after ds fell asleep.

I also remember on holiday on a resort where the restaurants opened about 6pm, two nights of trying to dine and have an evening with ds were enough. We thought we would try again despite all our previuos experience of ds on holiday. After that we settled him to sleep at about 6.30pm and we took turns going out for dinner - not much fun really and it was this experience where we decided we would go self catering from then on until ds could come out in the evening with us..

The thing is is we settled him to sleep in our room in the evening he slept like a log from about 6.30pm until his first feed around 2/3am or later unitl the morning.

So the choce was a calm but dull evening at home and dining alone in turns or a screaming unhappy baby/toddler out. We chose the first one for the first 3 years of ds's life.

I really dont understand why parents want dinner by themselves on holiday.

I love us all getting ready in our holiday clothes and going out!Its one of the nicest parts of the hol.

If we had family with us then maybe we would have a night off so to speak, but as a couple with kids i dont even think about it.

If i wanted a meal on my own, i do it when i got home.

We had holidays before our kids were born and we will no doubt do it again in the future!

Carmenelectra. I regulalary lalked ds for 2 hrs to get him to sleep in the buggy. This was not just a holiday thing with him. He just didn't fall asleep easily if there was a lot going on and for ds buggy walking counted as stuff going on.

He generally would eventually fall asleep if I walked long enough (not always though) but almost always woke up 20 mins later crying and inconsolable.

Maybe a week of trying on holiday to get him to sleep in the buggy wasn't enough but to be honest it wasn't worth the effort for me just so that he would fit in with us
I was happier in this instance to make the adjustment necessary to fit in with ds's needs.

For other things (for instance regular bedtimes)I have persevered with getting ds to fit in with me because they mattered more to me.

Oh if it was that much of a hassle i agree, i wouldve given up

As a SAHM, I would be quite willing to sod off and leave the kids with someone safe while I work on my tan.

that's because I'm selfish, I expect.

"yes but what if they wake up and want you?" - then you go to them doesn;t take any longer than walking from the end of the garden up to his room at home. I haven't found DS is particularly scared of a strange room - he has his teddy and his normal sleeping bag. And in fact so rarely wakes up that it hasn;t ever been an issue on the rare occasion I have been able to afford a hotel and a meal out.

I do find it funny to hear that you can make a child sleep in a pushchair. DS used to be able to sleep in a pushchair but won't anymore. He can stay awake at 9pm at night having had no nap being driven around in a car. The child is not normal.

Kewcumber - They always surprise you - Ds started falling asleep in the pushchair when he turned 2 years old, just when most children stop

Also I have always taken ds to visit his grandparents every 4-6 weeks. It is a 1-2 hr drive across london depending on traffic.
Almost from newborn onwards he never slept on the journey. He usually cried for most of it and fell asleep 5 mins before arriving. He always woke up if moved so was usually pretty miserable on arrival too.

I remember one memorable journey where the traffic was terrible and I spent 2 hours in traffic with a screaming baby. Stopping didn't help as he didn't want food or cuddles he just wanted to cry!

Nowadays he regularly falls asleep on the trip and is usually very good and patient if he doesn't.

Lazy cow - he's 2.3 now - so that would mean he's just about to start then....?

Actually I'm not sure why I'm bothering to join in as I can't afford a holiday with meals out (probably a caravan this summer) and I don't have a partner to go out with for romantic meals. I do like to leave the room and have a read though - is that acceptable or do I have to be within arms reach?

I do it--assuming the room was less than a minute's sprint from the restaurant table and in the same building, which it has been the times I have done similar things.

In fact I did something similar eleven years ago at Plaja de Luz (sp?). Returned home with happy and well baby.

I personally wouln't do it.
When we go away as a family we like to do things togethter.
We bring Dcs with us, if we want meal on our own (prob once ), we usually feed kids , settle them to sleep then get a take out and bottle of wine...that way we have best of both worlds.
we do get a room with seperate living area to bedroom, we leave the door between the two open and enjoy!!
I personally wouldnt rest or relax if i left them and would feel so guilty if anything happened either of them....i've always felt this way, not just because of what happened little Madeline.

Like Bridie3, Lazycow and Kewcucmbuer, I can could and would. It's less of an issue now as ds is 7.5 though. But he has always been a child who has slept well - and who has never been bothered by waking up in new places. I can't comment aobut other people's kids - I only know about my own.

I am also comfortable with the idea of kids clubs. We are just back from a week's skiing, where ds was in ski school for 4 hours a day most days 9and two full days). We would have liked to have ski-ed with him a bit more, but he was too knackered after the morning and it was all we could do to get him half way back up the hill, have lunch and ski back down to the closest point to our chalet. We know our limitations - it would have been foolish to try to teach him to ski ourselves and he was much better in with our 6-9 year olds.

We still got to spend plenty of time with him - and we all had a fabulous holiday

We all have to live with the consequences of our actions/inactions albeit of a lesser extent on a daily basis. There are clearly two views here and I'm convinced that regardless of which view we each take, we all seem to be considering our childs welfare and safety before making the decision to leave or not leave our children alone on holiday, plus or minus various provisos'. Even as a 'middle-class doctor couple' - our choice would be not to leave our children alone. We do not feel adequately able to guarantee there would bve no risk and could not live with the consequences should something negative occur as a result. Maybe those who choose to leave their child alone are able to be more certain about the lack of risk, or feel able to live with the consequences of their actions should something negative occur.

Also prettybird, I'm not sure if your ds is an only child or not but ours is and I know that if we go on holiday without other children ds is already starting to look for 'playmates'. Even though he is only 3 at the moment a kid's club is something I can see that he he might well want to go to in the future.

I prefer to have ds with me on holiday if I can as I WOTH so holidays are times for us to be together but If he did want to go to a kid's club for part of each day I'd have no problem with him doing so. It is afterall his holiday too.

I dont think i would have a problem with kids clubs..havent used them but dont see the problem. Kids need other kids .

Im livin in Egypt and people love kids here so it is v.easy to take them out anywhere in the evening as late as you want, but in England people frown on you when u have kids out late like you are a child abuser.

my DS is too young for kids clubs but like Lazycow, I can quite see him wanting to go into a kids club for a few hours a day. He loves having laods of other children around (particularly older ones) which he doesn't get at home.

Geisha "or feel able to live with the consequences of their actions should something negative occur" - thats a barking mad statement! No-one is going to fell able to live with the consequences if something terrible happened. You will blame yourself whatever the reason wouldnt you? If you chose to take your child out to dinner and they had a coconut fall on their head wouldn't you be thinking "Oh god if only they had been tucked up safely in bed". We all assess risks and make unconscious decisions on behalf of our children all the time and we take the risks that we deem to be acceptable. Obviously what is acceptable varies but no-one surely is blase enough to say "oh and I'll accept the consequences"