Is it Ok to watch your children sleep on a video monitor whilst you go out to dinner

[Jzee]

Whilst on holiday? I can't really believe that someone I know seems to think this is an Ok thing to do? Personally, I think it's pretty selfish and when I've been on holiday we've allways taken DD out with us either for an early dinner or taken the buggy so she can sleep. In the light of recent news events I can't believe some parents are prepared to take these chances?

The sort of scenario Portandlemon mentioned is obviously different, that's almost like having them asleep with you in the restaurant.
But as for leaving them in a separate building with monitor- I would never have done that pre-McCanns either. And note entirely for safety reasons. Nobody has considered how a toddler would feel if they woke up alone in a strange place. It's different waking up in your own room at home. I would have been terrified at that age and so would my dc's. (A tiny baby is different, then it would be more the safety aspect).

But my concern would't be with abduction or fires, it would simply be, what will they do if they wake up in a strange room etc and I'm not there - it's their holiday too, poor wee things, left on their own. Not that I'd be too worried if I was in a proximity as if in my own house.

But a family relative, in the 80's, wanted to go out to the disco every night. They were staying in one of these huge complex hotels. They closed the door to their room when they had left their 4 year old son and 2 year old daughter. The son started crying so they went back in and started to pretend they were packing their bags and that they would have to go home if he didn't stop crying. He stopped crying (was another 2 year old daughter in bed too) and they went out to the disco for the night - and every other night. And they tell me this was commonplace - EVERYONE DID IT!!! And they think this is fine.

Kbear - I've always thought of myself as on teh over-protectvie side and I certianly wouldn't leave DS and go off to anotehr building. But for example I stayed at my sister hosue in the IOW on hliday last year and the place is absolutely enormous - I mean as big as a small hotel. I didn't think anything of getting DS off to sleep and going off to make myself dinner. In fact I'm not sure I wuld have heard him if he'd cried and had to nip to the stars to listen every half hour or so (not even a using a baby baby monitor! Though in my defence I had meant to bring one). To do what you suggest would have meant effectively sitting in the room next to his bedroom every night and though someone has said "its their holiday too", it's also mine and I'm not sure me becoming demented would have made for a great holiday for either of us.

I'm just slightly startled that I had thought I was quite protective of DS but it wouldn't have occured to me that he needed to be within arms reach at all times. Maybe I'm spoilt because once he is asleep he rarely (I would say never but that would be tempting fate) wakes before midnight so the chances of him wailing terried for a long time are unlikely.

and no romantic meals for two as I'm singel but a few hours to myslef doing what I want to do keeps my sanity - though I don't think its particularly relevant how you spend the time.

Kew - it's only personal preference and you know your child and their habits, some people wouldn't actually be able to leave their kids because they won't stay in bed long enough! I'm not going to say it's definitely wrong to leave your child when they're sleeping as it does seem a bit precious to think that your child can't cope for more than a minute without you, but I wouldn't be able to do it purely on a personal basis because I would never ever forgive myself if something (however unlikely) did occur, but then I've not actually got my kid yet and haven't got that feeling of claustrophobia that I know a lot of people get when they feel they can't even leave their kids for a second.

Kew - you are misunderstanding me I think. You were in a private home and your DS was asleep upstairs. Where's the problem with that?

We are talking about people that go out to a restaurant for dinner and take a baby monitor. Completely different.

I was comparing it with being downstairs in a small hotel restaurant with a monitor which I have also done. I thought you were including that in your "I wouldn't do that". If not we are indeed talking at cross purposes.

And I would often be gardening at the end of a 60ft garden with DS asleep upstairs and I might not have heard him cry straightaway, but he was in familiar surroundings and I was still on the property.

I can't see the justification of risking anything happening to your child for the sake of dinner.

I'm sure the McCanns bitterly regret their decision and that was a highly unlikely event, but a risk they took. I don't condemn them either, my heart breaks for them.

No Kew, I mean leaving the building.

you cant smell smoke over a moniter.

whatever floats yer boat but not for me.

I understand what you mean savescrabulous. I ment for child to be in creche all day not just afew hours and for the famlily to be spending very little time together. I surpose it depends on each individual family and situations etc.

Ok, Ill put the tin hat on. Doing this is tantamount to neglect. Smoke, child being sick and choking, not being able to get there in time if some pervert does break in.

In a private home, with the monitor on, and downstairs eating dinner, and no access to strangers, like in a hotel, ok. That is no different to putting the kids to bed and going downstairs. But even to a hotel restaurant, how on earth could any parent actually swallow food not being certain their children are safe. And what if they DO wake up in unfamiliar surroundings, and get scared. Actually leaving the room and even going a short distance to a restaurant is, to me, pretty awful.

If we want to go to dinner, we get a babysitter, or we put youngest in pushchair, oldest is old enough to walk and stay up a little late, and we go together. WE have kids and accept either find good childcare, or take them with, or WE DONT GO OUT.

I think it is selfish and dangerous.

well said mummoomin

Eek...I was a bit worried there...hate to offend, but really find it very worrying anyone would think this is ok.

agree totally!

I agree with mummoomin, once you have kids you have to accept that life will change for good, and get on with it. We youth hostelled last year, and deliberalty chose a small one, where the communal area was fairly close to all rooms, so kids in there asleep and one or the other of us sat so we were within sight and hearing of the door. We will be yha-ing again, for many of the same reasons, not least because the ds thrived in the sociable atmosphere. but again, we will be very careful about which one we pick. would never go any further than that though, they are just too precious

Couldn't have put it better myself lollipopmother - Madeleine McCann and tens of others like her who were never so well publicised - of course unless you friend believes it will never happen to her. It's not just the concern of abduction that worries me but fire, fire alarms, cookers, gas, hot water, balconies etc etc etc.

-from a 'middle class doctor' couple (thanks custardo for your sweeping generalisation. Leaving our children unattended whilst eatting on holiday is something they teach at medical school

whoops - eating

i agree mummoomin. Personally, i wouldn't leave them in another buidling while i went elsewhere, of course nothing may happen, but my paranoid head would go round thinking about fires, sickness, nightmares, falling, break in etc etc. i couldn't enjoy myself.

DH and i going to save hard for a weekend away without the kids each year, aswell as a family break. That way, we can drink as much as we like, go out late as we like etc with only ourselves to worry about on our 'couple' break. (Kids will be with grandparents) I have £234 in our 'New York' Fund for next Summer so far.

I'm actually looking forward to taking them abroad once they're both out of nappies, so they can see the world with us, and experience it all with us. Took DS1 to California when he was almost 1yr, v hard work, but Americans fussed him loads, and people commented how nice that he was with us.

I don't really understand why people feel they can't take their kids out with them to eat on hol. When they were very small we walked them in the buggy til they slept, now they are bigger they eat with us. Even if it is at 10pm at night! They nap during the day and they sleep in in the morning, and everyone is happy.

I agree with hula too, the best thing to do is to get a villa, then when the kids do need an early night, we can have a swim, one of us gets a take out and we sit on the terrace and drink lots of wine.

I know I would never be able to relax leaving them somewhere alone. If we want an adult night out, we do it at home, or go on hol without them!

Chopster - ds wouldn't sleep in a buggy for some reason once he got to about 15 months. Why not just take him out until late - because we feel it is a little unfair to keep very small children up late into the evening to the point when they get over tired. Now obviously some children can cope better than others with that but our ds gets overtired easily. Yes when he's older it won't be a problem but at the moment keeping him up until 10 pm every night would be a problem.

A villa sounds great for what you want but I want a break from cooking/ shopping / cleaning up and prefer hotel holidays.

Each to their own I guess

in answer to the Q in the thread title:

only if you are insane

Agree with olive. Only if you are insane.

We always took ds out with buggy and he would eat with us and play and then sleep like a log in his buggy till we went in. Usually lateish, 11-12oclock. Then picked him up into his cot.

When he got to around the age of 4 he didnt have a buggy. Then we would always have an early evening sleep, shower, out for dinner and he would then stay awake. We would go in when he got tired.

It has always worked for us and we wouldnt do anything else. I plan on doing exactly the same this yr when we take the baby away.

I would never leave him in the room under any circumstances and neither would i go out for dinner at 6pm and go back to the room at some ridiculous time like 8pm. I may as well be at home.

We always have fab holidays. I love him being with us and we usually go to places with plenty of entertainmemt.

....is this thread to wind us up?

Totally agree with kbear and mummoomin.

Kbear that sounds like a perfect holiday to me and look forward to doing just that with our children soon.