6 year old - ok to leave at home alone for 10 mins?

[thogated]

Name changed for this as worried about being flamed

We live extremely close to my kids school - basically within sight of it My 6 year old was off sick today. I had to pop out to pick up my other child.

I was going to take the 6 year old with me but he asked to stay at home because he was tired and still in his PJs..I thought about it and while I never have left him alone before, it really didn't seem like a big deal.

So I did. Told him not to open the front door - and bolted it so he couldn't (but he could open the back door in the very unlikely event of fire). He was lying in bed reading a book, no risk of him eating/choking.

The school is about 6 doors down from my house, by time time my other one had found his bag etc, it was max 10 mins, possibly less. My 6yo was absolutely fine.

I feel like this was a reasonable decision. What do others think?

But, you were ableist. You directly said that all adults ought to walk.

And yes, my DD did learn valuable life lessons, and I am proud of her.

Of course people who are responsible for child welfare agree this is fine. Her school think it is fine. So do many adults in our lives who work with children.

I think you have simply ignored the fact that, when I first posted, I explained what safeguards I had in place.

I have a six year old. So, yes, I really do know how they experience the world.

Six is not 'incredibly young'. Do you know what 'incredibly' means? Six is young, yes. Therefore, when you give a six-year-old some capacity to be responsible, you make very sure there is a counterbalance of people looking out for them and of strategies they have to deal with the unexpected. You can do this.

You directly said that all adults ought to walk.

that's an outright lie, though. I didn't say that at all. As anyone can see who reads through the thread.

glad you are happy with your parenting decision here. I think it's grossly irresponsible and hugely unfair to your child, but you're a stranger on the Internet and there's no point me saying any more about it, so I will leave it there.

I will say, though, as the mother of much older children, and remembering my own childhood, that this:

I have a six year old. So, yes, I really do know how they experience the world

Is a massive, and dangerous, misconception, that can end up having far reaching consequences. You have no idea what it's like to be your child. And you may find in years to come that their experience of this "life lesson" was very different from yours.

I quote: You prefer to leave a 6 year old alone, while you driveaway from the house, rather than have an adult woman walk a few minutes home?

You were quite clear that an 'adult woman' ought to walk. You didn't for a minute caveat that with 'if she is able' or 'and of course I know some people have disabilities'. Did you?

You also told me I don't know about six year olds. Now, as your children are older, perhaps you have forgotten about how they were: I don't know. But what you can't say is that I don't know about children the age the OP mentions, because that is the precise age of my child.

I have said (repeatedly, now) that it is hugely important to consider how a six year old might be supported to be left at home alone. Obviously, if you take the time and trouble to do this, it's not dangerous.

As a one off? You know your child, sounds OK to me

I wouldn’t have did it. I don’t leave my 8 year old alone

It is worth setting up one. It is handy for a lot of things.

I would love one but this school is just not like that. It is incredibly unfriendly. I cannot overstate this.

Yeah I will definitely try this as I think my younger one would be ok with a staff member. At the moment, he would not go with a random parent even if this was the sort of school where I had other parents' phone numbers.

This is probably a separate thread but it's really really unfriendly as a school. It's 3 form entry and I don't think there is a single class WhatsApp in the whole school (I obviously don't know that for sure but I am pretty sure), it's just not the culture of the school for a whole range of reasons.

A teacher did stop me to chat actually and I just said "in a rush today, can we speak tomorrow?". My 6 year old's TA stopped me to ask how he was, I said the same and I think she kind of assumed he was home alone to be honest as she did say "oh don't worry I am sure you want to get back to him" though she may also have assumed DH was home.

I think I would be comfortable explaining my risk assessment to a teacher but I didn't volunteer the info either.

Having seen the various comments, I don't think there were any risks that I hadn't considered and the only genuine one is sudden fire which I am not sure is any bigger a risk than any we might encounter on the very short walk if I took him with me!

How many dodgy people have knocked in your door in the last 10 years?

How many times has your child tried to get themselves a drink and smashed a glass in their lives? Once?

Why do people catastrophise so much??

I have left my child at 7/8 alone when ill to do the school run (a 5min walk).
I think it depends on the child. You know how responsible/well behaved they are. 10 mins left in front of the tv isn't going to hurt.

if you’re 6 yr old was too unwell to go to school what if he’d vomited in his bed while you were out? That changes the scenario very quickly from sitting reading his book waiting for your return. If he wasn’t well enough to walk 6 doors along to the school gate then he wasn’t well enough to be left home alone. I think 6 is too young to leave in an empty house unwell or otherwise. 10 mins is a long time if panic sets in and he could easily have come out the unlocked back door.

As a child protection detective I can tell you it’s not dramatic to say things can and do happen when you leave a six year old alone and leave the house.

OP it’s a shame you are lacking in imagination to realise this. If something happened to you, how do people know there is a young child at home alone. It is not at all the same as being in another room for those that think it is. The other danger is you do it once and nothing happens so so you feel you can do it again, maybe for five minutes longer. It has disaster written all over it. You’d also be likely arrested for neglect and have social services all over your back if anything had happened too, which is another thing to think about.

Six doors down? Sure, it's fine. I'd have done the same.

As a child protection detective

Honestly declaring your qualifications makes you sound like you run the local neighborhood watch.

Not a chance, only takes a minute for something to go wrong.
The chances are vanishingly small, but if (for example) an AC adaptor had gone up in flames (our router power supply did this last year) 10 minutes is more than enough to be a disaster!

I think I would have done the same in this situation, as a one off.

We live ritually and I do leave my 5 year old in the house alone sometimes while I sort animals outside.

The combination of the autocorrect and the animals makes you sound like you do ritual animal sacrifice 🤣

(But good to know that I am not alone!)

To be fair, there isn’t a lot of research that shows increased childhood independence in Japan relates to better mental health later or a much healthier society. There are also other issues in Japan, like problems relating to sexualising children and the legal age of consent is only just poised to be raised to 16 (from 13). The overall view in Japan on children is different, but that doesn’t necessarily make it better. Yes, toddlers go to the shops alone, but it’s a different country. It’s also more community focused than the UK and focuses on interdependence, with adults often living at home for longer, which is less comparable to the UK. A study has found that leaving children at home correlated with higher numbers of difficulties like peer relationship issues and conduct issues, but didn’t have a strong significant correlation with resilience - however, the study points out it’s own limitations. (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5980989/)

It’s not really a black and white issue of “Well, toddlers in this country go to the shops, so they should here.” We all know children can be capable of these tasks, you often see in neglected children that one sibling takes on an adult role and can make up baby bottles, bath other siblings and so on at a very young age. Their capability doesn’t necessarily mean it’s risk free or not stressful. Obviously, in this situation, the dc is from a loving, supportive home, but what I’m trying to get at is that the fact children are able to do things alone, doesn’t automatically mean there’s a benefit to them doing these things. People tend to idealise the past, but there were plenty of issues where children made wrong choices - it was pretty common to buy a parent cigarettes, for example, and then buy extra for yourself. I know an adult that started smoking age 7 in this way. Obviously the law changed on that, but that legal change is part of recognising children don’t broadly have capability to make good decisions all the time and may not see consequences.

I personally wouldn’t leave a 6yo at home in case for some reason I was delayed getting back. I also think lots of children (and adults) think they’d respond one way in an emergency and have all the info, but then end up panicking. At 6yo, I’d think there’s a much higher chance of this happening. I also think if they were ill, I’d be concerned about them vomiting or similar while I was out and being alone to deal with it (depending on illness). However, everyone teaches independence in a different order and a different way. We tend to start with self-care at super young (hair, washing, dressing) then making breakfast and doing housework, then cooking meals with supervision and nipping into a corner shop with parent outside and we’ll look at walking alone to places or leaving home alone when he’s a bit older (last year of primary). We’ll also do similar with dd (much younger atm).

Exactly. I often see people bringing up how other countries leave their children alone and things as if to example it's ok if they do it.
But I honestly don't think it's comparable

At least, I often see people bring it up on threads on here anyway

If you are six doors from the school, why does your child not walk home from school with out you?

I can see why you did it but no I wouldn’t do it. I live close to school and in the past I have put a poorly 7 year old wrapped in a blanket in a child’s buggy and took them on school run.
nothing happened but it doesn’t say it couldn’t have.

Because they are 4

I respect your skills and experience and how you devote your work to the vulnerable and thank you for it, but you see the worst of the world so your view isn’t representative.