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Original poster

6 year old - ok to leave at home alone for 10 mins?

234 replies

thogated · 18/05/2023 18:30

Name changed for this as worried about being flamed

We live extremely close to my kids school - basically within sight of it My 6 year old was off sick today. I had to pop out to pick up my other child.

I was going to take the 6 year old with me but he asked to stay at home because he was tired and still in his PJs..I thought about it and while I never have left him alone before, it really didn't seem like a big deal.

So I did. Told him not to open the front door - and bolted it so he couldn't (but he could open the back door in the very unlikely event of fire). He was lying in bed reading a book, no risk of him eating/choking.

The school is about 6 doors down from my house, by time time my other one had found his bag etc, it was max 10 mins, possibly less. My 6yo was absolutely fine.

I feel like this was a reasonable decision. What do others think?

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Irritateandunreasonable · 18/05/2023 21:10

thogated · 18/05/2023 19:07

I don't cross any roads to get to the school so unless a car decided to veer onto the pavement, it's hard to see how I could have got into an accident

You asked if this was ok. Clearly most people think it’s not. Case closed.

NisekoWhistler · 18/05/2023 21:10

Given everything you explain I would have done the same, I think did just fine. Just don't do it all the time, which I'm sure you won't

s0s0rry · 18/05/2023 21:11

I don’t have any children so I’m just curious to know, would people be okay with having a 10 minute shower or cooking dinner with the 6 year old upstairs. Just genuinely curious .
I know leaving home and going on a school run is different to being in the house, I’m just interested in how people are with kids.

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6 year olds Behaviour & development Families General parenting
SarahAndQuack · 18/05/2023 21:12

powerrangers · 18/05/2023 20:59

@SarahAndQuack think it depends so much on societal expectations, though.My SIL is German and points out that, in Germany, many very young children go to and from school independently, and they're fine.But, there's a whole society where this is what you expect. In the UK, you need to work to create that society around you - unless you live somewhere where you know people will look out for your child, and will be aware that your child is being given some independence, you will find it much harder to leave them, because you'll have that bit less of a safety net.
And leaving your 6 yo for 20 mins whilst you go 6 doors away is a good start

YY, agree (though first off I'd probably leave them for a couple of minutes and work up!).

Original poster
thogated · 18/05/2023 21:14

NisekoWhistler · 18/05/2023 21:10

Given everything you explain I would have done the same, I think did just fine. Just don't do it all the time, which I'm sure you won't

No, I definitely won't do it regularly.

Usually we are able to juggle things between us so it's not necessary.

I wish we had better support networks locally - it makes me sad to see how many people have assumed other parents or neighbours are a possibility, our area/school is just not like that.

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 18/05/2023 21:14

Ilovecrisps2 · 18/05/2023 21:05

Tbf I still have babies and I’m sure I’ll agree when they’re about 3/4 and they’ll have graduated onto different or rather more chores by 6. 😁

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Grin You will! Though I must admit it is adorable when they are about 2 and they are so so proud to be 'helping'. DD, sadly, is no longer quite so thrilled. Hmm

wizzywig · 18/05/2023 21:17

If a teacher had asked to speak to you whilst you were dropping off your child, what would you have said to the teacher?

ohfook · 18/05/2023 21:18

From the heading I was going to say no. But actually from reading your explanation, I'd have done the same.

Snugglemonkey · 18/05/2023 21:19

I would not. I would ask in the class WhatsApp if anyone would be going by. I know ow someone would do that for me. Actually I did it yesterday for another mum. It is no bother to someone if it is close.

Mayhemmumma · 18/05/2023 21:21

I did exact same once - told myself it was ok as one off desperate situation but felt physically sick returning home, knew it was a mistake and waited five years to do it again!

Original poster
thogated · 18/05/2023 21:22

Snugglemonkey · 18/05/2023 21:19

I would not. I would ask in the class WhatsApp if anyone would be going by. I know ow someone would do that for me. Actually I did it yesterday for another mum. It is no bother to someone if it is close.

We have no class WhatsApp

OP posts:
LT2 · 18/05/2023 21:25

caringcarer · 18/05/2023 19:02

You should have taken him with you. He is only 6. That is far too young to be left home alone. Have you considered you could have been run over and killed whilst out, and no one would know your DC was home alone.

Umm...would it really be better if the child was with her in that scenario? The child would probably be killed also.

Nattertatter03 · 18/05/2023 21:26

@thogated I’ve done it, DS was six at time, nursey 5 min walk…. He had a sickness bug and DD needed to go to nursey. He’d have thrown up if I moved him. He wasn’t a daft six, and wouldn’t have set light to anything or let anyone else in. Left him with ipad if he needed me, 15 min round trip and he was exactly where I left him - watching tv

Original poster
thogated · 18/05/2023 21:27

Nattertatter03 · 18/05/2023 21:26

@thogated I’ve done it, DS was six at time, nursey 5 min walk…. He had a sickness bug and DD needed to go to nursey. He’d have thrown up if I moved him. He wasn’t a daft six, and wouldn’t have set light to anything or let anyone else in. Left him with ipad if he needed me, 15 min round trip and he was exactly where I left him - watching tv

It is good to hear that I am not totally mad!

OP posts:
Chocolatesandroses · 18/05/2023 21:28

No I wouldn’t risk it

stayathomer · 18/05/2023 21:28

Op I always say the big thing about leaving a child isn’t the crazy dramatic stuff like robbery or fire, it’s more them getting a fright, or deciding to go out to meet you or climbing up to reach something. Op we’ve all done things we regretted afterwards but my rule of thumb is if I ever say ‘I’ll just do this quickly it’ll be fine’ it’s probably something I shouldn’t be doing!

WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 18/05/2023 21:30

thogated · 18/05/2023 21:27

It is good to hear that I am not totally mad!

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You aren’t. You came home and he was fine and you were fine and your other child was fine. Presumably everyone is still fine and no one is traumatised by fires that didn’t break out and mothers that weren’t run over crossing the road, leaving their children alone in the house forevermore.

DistrictCommissioner · 18/05/2023 21:30

did similar at the weekend. There was a 10 minute window where DH had to leave with DC1, and DC2 who is 7 was left alone while I was on my way back. He won’t move if plugged into an iPad. No harm done.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/05/2023 21:30

Snugglemonkey · 18/05/2023 21:19

I would not. I would ask in the class WhatsApp if anyone would be going by. I know ow someone would do that for me. Actually I did it yesterday for another mum. It is no bother to someone if it is close.

Op has said tho her reception age child has additional needs and wouldn't go with another random parent off spec.

And not all schools have a class Wattsapp. I have a small cohort of school Mom friends and we'd always do this for one another, but our kids are all largely NT and know the other adults. I'd pick up a hysterical child and walk them back kicking and screaming in an absolute emergency but clearly it wouldn't have been reasonable for OP to do that to her 5 yo in this circs.

I don't know @thogated , I'm a bit OFB despite having 3 😂 and I KNOW the teacher would have asked where he was and then I'd have worried what she'd do if I told the truth. So I'd probably shove him in shoes, leave him in pj's and make him walk given its 10 minutes.

Chypre · 18/05/2023 21:32

Impasse. Leaving 6 y.o. is bad but dragging miserable feverish kid outside is even worse. I probably would give kid an iPad and talked on FaceTime whole time from my phone or something like that.

Oldnproud · 18/05/2023 21:33

So many have said that they wouldn't leave the child in the house in case there was a sudden fire.
Yet on a thread about leaving children in cars in a filling station while the adult goes to pay, the vast majority of posters always left them in the (locked) car. even though car fires happen too, and can become a raging inferno so quickly that by the time you knew it was even happening it could be too late to get to the car and get them out of their seats. Hmm ...

AsphaltGirl · 18/05/2023 21:34

SarahAndQuack · 18/05/2023 20:01

Please keep in mind that being an adult doesn't automatically mean you can walk. I used to pick up DP when she was struggling health-wise, and yes, walking that distance would have been pretty hard for her - but you are presuming everyone has a partner who is basically able-bodied, and plenty of people do not.

I also think it is important to let children feel responsible. My DD was really keen to show how grown-up she could be if left alone. So, I spent time teaching her the things she needed to know, and then I felt confident to leave her. I would not have done it on the spur of the moment, or if I'd not felt she would benefit from it.

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Ok. I'll rephrase my question.

You prefer to leave a 6 year old alone, while you drive away from the house, rather than bring them with you in the car while you collected your partner?

(You really focused on the least important bit.)

AsphaltGirl · 18/05/2023 21:36

s0s0rry · 18/05/2023 21:11

I don’t have any children so I’m just curious to know, would people be okay with having a 10 minute shower or cooking dinner with the 6 year old upstairs. Just genuinely curious .
I know leaving home and going on a school run is different to being in the house, I’m just interested in how people are with kids.

If you're in the shower or cooking dinner, your child can come and get you. It's not comparable at all.

What the op did was convenient for her but really not fair on her child.

WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 18/05/2023 21:38

AsphaltGirl · 18/05/2023 21:36

If you're in the shower or cooking dinner, your child can come and get you. It's not comparable at all.

What the op did was convenient for her but really not fair on her child.

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It was fine for her child. Nothing happened 🤣

00100001 · 18/05/2023 21:39

Cherryblossoms85 · 18/05/2023 20:06

Yeah it's always odd, and always the same with these questions.

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Yes, it's the same people on the "do you leave kids in the car when paying for petrol?" Who seem to love in a parallel universe where parked, locked cars that are turned off spontaneously combust every few minutes.... Their houses are at huge risk of fire as well,but only when an adult isn't present, this risk doesn't exist when there's nobody present, not to mention all the robbers just hiding in the bushes waiting for them to leave the house so they can go in and steal a child....