6 year old - ok to leave at home alone for 10 mins?

[thogated]

Name changed for this as worried about being flamed

We live extremely close to my kids school - basically within sight of it My 6 year old was off sick today. I had to pop out to pick up my other child.

I was going to take the 6 year old with me but he asked to stay at home because he was tired and still in his PJs..I thought about it and while I never have left him alone before, it really didn't seem like a big deal.

So I did. Told him not to open the front door - and bolted it so he couldn't (but he could open the back door in the very unlikely event of fire). He was lying in bed reading a book, no risk of him eating/choking.

The school is about 6 doors down from my house, by time time my other one had found his bag etc, it was max 10 mins, possibly less. My 6yo was absolutely fine.

I feel like this was a reasonable decision. What do others think?

I grew up in the 80s. Lots of kids didn't wear seat belts or have car seats. Loads of parents smoked around their children. Loads of people drank and drove.

Do you think that was all fine too?

What do you think the crying laughing emoji added to your post?

I'd have phoned school and asked that a teacher/assistant walk the other child home (assuming it really is 6 doors away), or say that I'd stand at the front gate and could they walk him until he can see you.

In our school the assistants mostly finish at home time so there'd always be one that would be passing the house if I lived that close, and they'd be happy to drop a child off (as a one-off, obviously).

So it's OK to leave a 4-year-old at home all day then, presumably. Because you don't think any of these are real risks. Great.

OPs post isn’t about your childhood in the 80s so that’s all irrelevant.

You’ll have to work it out for yourself 😆🤣😂😅.

I'm sorry that you struggled to understand.

I'll state the point more simply.

Just because there weren't any negative consequences from doing something once doesn't mean it's safe.

Does that help? I can try to make it even simpler if you still don't get it.

I just don't think the house will set on fire if I was absent for 10 minutes.... As some people seem to think will happen if they don't have eyes on their kids at all times.

If my 6yo child was in their bedroom reading and I was 20m north of them, in the garden hanging out the washing and it takes 8 minutes to do that. They would not be at any greater risk of being in a house fire or being kidnapped if I happened to be 20m south of them buying some milk in those same 8 minutes.

😆🤣😂😅😆🤣😂😅

Got to love a keyboard warrior, excellent job you’re doing on that front. Well done.

It actually hadn't occurred to me to ask the school - will bear that in mind for the future. It really is that close and it's the main route from the school so lots of school staff are passing.

I think my younger one would be ok with a staff member he knows.

I don't think it's that unreasonable- you know your child and if he can be trusted to behave for 10 mins. The likelihood of anything happening to him is tiny. What do the pearl clutchers think really is going to happen in 10 mins? Like PPs have said in other Europe countries 6 year olds walk to school on their own. I don't think I left mine at this age but they were sensible, good kids who can follow instructions so I don't think it would have been awful.

No, it probably won't set on fire.

But a) it might and it's not worth the risk,

and b) there are far more likely, realistic risks, like the child being suddenly terrified and trying to get out of the house to find mum, the child vomiting with no one to help them, someone dodgy/ a charity mugger etc knocking on the door, child trying to get themselves a drink and smashing a glass in the kitchen (my daughter did this the first time she was alone at home, much older than 6).

All of these are not at all unlikely. And six years old is far too young. Ten minutes is a long time when you're that small, and it could easily have been longer in reality.

I always find that school are really helpful in these scenarios. It must happen all the time, I guess, but I'm often amazed at how helpful school are prepared to be (although ours is a small school and very friendly, including most of the parents - we have a lovely WhatsApp group where I could put in a request for help and within a few minutes have 5 volunteers to walk the child home).

@00100001 Only strangely, things like driving on the motorway are acceptable risks. That's the thing, everything is a risk, even lying in bed. The ceiling could collapse. People have a skewed view of risk. The HSE published a very interesting table illustrating that pregnancy is more risky than rock climbing.

I would normally say minimum of age 8, but six doors down is on the cusp of them actually being left alone for me. I would happily be a few doors down at a neighbour or a corner shop and wouldn't class that the same as hopping in the car and driving a few minutes away.

We live rurally and our house is at the end of quite a long lane. I often leave my 5 and 6 year old in the house while I do a few walks up and down the lane with bins, which probably takes at least 10 mins. I guess I don't have the worry that they could get out onto the road and encounter any traffic, if they came out of the house and wandered down the lane to find me then I'd see them immediately. And I know that if something happened, one of them would come out and shout for me and I'd hear them. I guess what would worry me in your situation is that if something happened, your child would have to come out and walk along the road themselves to try to find you. But it's one of those situations where you know your child as well and how sensible they are

This is the best suggestion OP in case you find yourself in a similar situation again. It is hard with no family nearby. They’d have much preferred to do this than if you told them at pick up “Sorry, gotta dash. My 6 year old is home alone.” That’s an interesting Q actually: would you have admitted to the staff that was the case if you got caught up picking your other child up? Just curious to know. Not being argumentative or anything.

Tbh I think that you did the right thing in a difficult situation but then again my child isn't six yet so maybe I will think differently in the future. I presume a six year old would be able to operate the phone if they needed help with something.

I think this is totally fineof the child is happy with it which he obviously seems to be as he suggested it

No not ok

Yes, I really did prefer to allow my child to learn important life lessons.

And no, I didn't focus on the least important bit. You know, it is also a life lesson to accept a valid criticism with grace. You failed to remember that ablism is an ugly thing. You could just have said 'oops, sorry!'. No one would think the less of you.

But surely, if you have a child who would be terrified for no reason, you wouldn't leave them alone? If you know your child suddenly becomes terrified, you presumably recognise they aren't ready for this?

If someone knocked on the door, wouldn't your child would know to ignore it? I am bemused by the idea of children who know how to answer the door (and be concerned with 'dodgy' people), but don't know how to step away from a smashed glass.

And if your child smashed a glass, would they not know to step back and leave well alone?

At what point do you teach children this stuff? Surely, most children learn much younger than 6 that if they smash a glass they step well back and leave it alone? At 6 they're no more likely to break a glass than an adult, so you're either thinking about a three-year-old, or you're thinking about a six-year-old who's never been properly parented at a younger age.

I'm not remotely ableist and your partner needing (rather than just wanting) a lift isn't in any way, shape or form a reason to leave a six year old at home alone.

They didn't learn any valuable life lessons from it. Other than they can't rely on the adults in their life to make decisions in their own best interests. You're very lucky that you didn't have to learn any lessons from it either.

The op walked a few doors down the road, was maybe 100 metres from home.

You got in a car and drove a significant distance away, leaving a six year old alone at home. Five minute drive is what, 2 or 3 miles?

That isn't okay at all, and your partner having limited mobility doesn't change the child safeguarding aspect at all.

You are kidding yourself if you think that this is OK, or would be considered ok by anyone who is responsible for child welfare.

Your posts read as if you've never met a child. They're not small adults. They don't make intelligent decisions. Even teenagers are more stupid and reckless and irresponsible than grown adults.

Your idea of what a six year old is like, and how they experience the world, is way, way off.

Six is incredibly young. It's completely irresponsible and could well be considered neglect to get in a car and drive 5+ minutes away leaving a child of that age alone.

Or… you’re raising stupid, reckless people and other people are doing it better and so can give responsibility and independence as they see fit? Maybe it’s just your parenting that’s way off.

Depends on the child . Two out of my three I would have left them for a few minutes.

I agree with @AsphaltGirl that it could be seen by some as neglect. This is why I wondered if the OP would have been open in telling a teacher/staff member that her other child was home alone. I’m a teacher and if a parent told me this, I have to say it’d be my responsibility to notify our DSL. I do understand the OP’s difficulty with no family around, I really do, but it’d nevertheless be wrong of me to not raise this with our DSL.