He is still doing it ......

[Katekate1991]

If any of you read my first post you will know this is a very strange situation. So after the father of my child is still calling himself mummy (then denying it) I'm considering contacting the social services because surely him doing this is wrong. I was just wondering what you guys think? Because its getting to the point now of what ever I say he just doesn't stop. He has the upper hand because he always says i miss here, or he is saying me and I'm miss hearing. Nothing wrong with my hearing I would simply not miss hear every time he does it. Then he gets aggressive. Please i would apprentice any advice.

Thank you everyone for your advice, I really appreciate it.

If your Nan is a well, strong woman then tell her everything. Tell your sister too and others you trust.

I wouldn't focus on moving, it takes too long. Just send him packing. Make sure you're getting all the benefits you're entitled to. Can you look at extending the length of your mortgage?

and get a lodger. DD sleeps with you & you'll just need to not dive into trusting your lodger to babysit etc.

look at possible childcare options so you can do more hours at work.

Record him if you can, but just get him gone.

Hes done a number in you, more people will believe you than won't.

when he's gone I'd write down everything you can remember from when you got pregnant until now, I wouldn't want him getting unsupervised contact.

get him out, today. Apart from all the mummy nonsense, he's been violent to you & that will ramp up.

Tell everyone, everything! The more light you shine on darkness the more it recedes. A smaller happy healthy honest home is a million times better than a big dark home of hurt and lies.

I couldn’t agree with this more.

We’re all rooting for you and looking forward to hearing positive news from you soon xx

"I'm look at downsizing" is stalling. You need to get him out.

Exactly this.

I agree with telling absolutely bloody everyone. Don't keep his secret.

I would get the house on the market ASAP and I will downsize. I wouldn't give him a penny of the money either.

I really really feel for you. This must be so difficult.

Yes please tell your family what is going on. You need support. And get him out of your house now!! You could find a nice female lodger for now, and then downsize if you need to. Please please get him out your life.

How do you think he would react if you tell him you've recorded him? Possibly VERY BADLY!

I bought two teeny tiny recording devices from Amazon that I used to record my husband at home and in the car,I made the mistake of of confronting him with my proof and he went completely bat shit crazy.

Think carefully, record if you need to but don't tell him, he could turn very nasty.

Don't let a violent man know you've recorded him, OP.
He has already hit you. Don't take any chances.
This could be very dangerous for you.
Just make plans to get away from him asap.
Never mind him calling himself mummy.
Ignore it. He knows it's upsetting you. Ignore it.

He is deliberately hurting you: he was violent and he is trying to drive you mad by taunting you - you DID hear what you heard and he was calling himself "mummy". You must kick him out of your house and work out the finances later. Change the locks tomorrow.

He needs to leave. No house is worth the abuse. You will be happier in a smaller house without having to live with this.

Hello just to let you all know i told my nan everything literally everything. However before I left the house today the pram and me were in the hall, he tried to squeeze past us blatantly couldn't because there wasn't a lot of space. Anyway he was still trying so I just put my hand on his shoulder and asked him to stop. He called me a fucking bitch and now he is accusing me of pushing him with full force enough to make him lose his balance. All i did was put my hand on his shoulder and asked him politely to stop. Once he managed to barged himself past i quickly fastened my daughter in the pram and went out the l
house. I was that upset him making me feel I've done wrong I started to cry but i knew i didn't push him or even forcefully put my hand on him. I asked a stranger a man of his size and demonstrated the whole thing he said i done nothing wrong.

Dear @Katekate1991 He is literally pushing you into doubting yourself and your own abilities, and then driving you to cry. This is totally wrong. I hope your nan told you the same?
Don't wait for the violence to get worse: Please get the locks changed and lock him out. Do it today. Please.

Hes a really nasty angry man, its obvious you've not done anything wrong. Please get the nutter out of your house.

Stop getting tied up in convincing him he is wrong and you are right. Either he is deluded so will never believe you or he knows and will never admit to being wrong so you will never win. But it's a battle you are creating. You don't need to win this. This is taking your energy that you need to deal with the actual issue which is him being violent and abusive

OP - it might help if you try to ignore his cruelty (for now) and work on getting yourself and your daughter out of his clutches.

That's your goal for now. You can work through your feelings about his AGP fetish once you're safe.

He's horrible. He's enjoying being in control of you and gaslighting you.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

I don’t think it’s worth the hassle and also (let’s just ignore everything he’s doing for a sec) think it’s illegal to record people without their knowledge?
Better, much better to plan how to get away from him.

Everything he accuses you of is something he feels about himself or has done himself.

He says everyone will think you are crazy if you tell them. That means everyone will think.he is crazy if you tell them.

He accuses you of pushing him. This is because he pushed you against the fridge.

You are dealing with a malignant narcissist here.

Your only option is to show indifference to his complete insanity, sell your house, downsize to a home for you and your DD, and move on with your life.

The more upset you are, the more he will try to upset you. Indifference is the only thing that will really affect him. It will also help you to disengage from him and his mind games.

If you want to - but only for the sake of confirming to yourself that you are not crazy - get a small voice recorder
www.amazon.co.uk/Recording-Device/s?k=Recording+Device
to record him.

Don't bother confronting him after you record him. The truth will only prompt him to turn it around on you with accusations of paranoia, spying, etc.

It's illegal to record a phone call, but a voice recorder in your home is there to record baby's first words, first songs, sentences, etc. Capturing daddy calling himself mummy repeatedly was completely accidental.

If you do record him "accidentally" don't let him know.
He is a very dangerous man.
Your main goal is to get away from him.

What an awful situation to be in.
Contact woman's aid and get out asap. It's not good for you or your daughter to witness this kind of behaviour.
I know it's not easy but if you have to move house etc it's better to do it sooner rather than later. Things can escalate quickly. I was in a very violent relationship when I was at university with a narcissist and he used to call me crazy. At some points I even questioned myself? Because they really get into your head. He ended up with a knife to my throat and this was the line for me. I got out. Never looked back.

I do truly believe that you're in great danger.
I was married to a violent man.
It took me years to escape with my two children.
To this day he says he never hit me. I know this because my adult son sees his father very occasionally, and is told every time that I made it all up. That's over thirty years ago now.

He is mentally and physically abusive and most likely has mental illness. You cannot fix him and you cannot make him change.

Do not raise your child in an abusive household. He needs to leave and you need to get full-time work and downsize your living quarters to something you can afford.

Agree, @TheShellBeach

My exH refuses to accept that he put his hands around my throat and pushed me backwards over the kitchen counter.

He calls that incident 'the day you wanted to have me arrested' (I called police). He also calls it 'the day you pushed me' (I managed to get his hands off me and pushed him away so I could run to get my phone).