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Original poster

He is still doing it ......

95 replies

Katekate1991 · 12/05/2023 09:58

If any of you read my first post you will know this is a very strange situation. So after the father of my child is still calling himself mummy (then denying it) I'm considering contacting the social services because surely him doing this is wrong. I was just wondering what you guys think? Because its getting to the point now of what ever I say he just doesn't stop. He has the upper hand because he always says i miss here, or he is saying me and I'm miss hearing. Nothing wrong with my hearing I would simply not miss hear every time he does it. Then he gets aggressive. Please i would apprentice any advice.

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Original poster
Katekate1991 · 12/05/2023 22:50

I still need to somehow figure out if possible how to stop him calling himself mummy. I simply can not accept it. I actually wouldn't careless if he wanted to cross dress or pretend to be a woman i just can't accept the whole mummy thing

OP posts:
Redebs · 12/05/2023 23:06

Police are more aware nowadays of Controllingand Coercive Behaviour.
Your husband is bullying you and has been violent, pushing you.

You need to report it to police straight away. They will help put you in contact with a Domestic Violence support group. You need to engage with this in order to qualify for Legal Aid in the future. Your husband is enjoying playing games with you, using your daughter. If you need to deal with him in Family Court in future, you will only get legal aid if you have documented proof of you needing DV support.

Redebs · 12/05/2023 23:07

Katekate1991 · 12/05/2023 22:50

I still need to somehow figure out if possible how to stop him calling himself mummy. I simply can not accept it. I actually wouldn't careless if he wanted to cross dress or pretend to be a woman i just can't accept the whole mummy thing

He is doing it to upset you

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TinselAngel · 12/05/2023 23:10

Katekate1991 · 12/05/2023 22:50

I still need to somehow figure out if possible how to stop him calling himself mummy. I simply can not accept it. I actually wouldn't careless if he wanted to cross dress or pretend to be a woman i just can't accept the whole mummy thing

You can't stop him. You need to put as much distance between you as you can and hope it wears off,

TheShellBeach · 12/05/2023 23:12

Katekate1991 · 12/05/2023 22:50

I still need to somehow figure out if possible how to stop him calling himself mummy. I simply can not accept it. I actually wouldn't careless if he wanted to cross dress or pretend to be a woman i just can't accept the whole mummy thing

I do not think that you'll be able to stop him from doing this.
He's enjoying upsetting you.

Mmhmmn · 13/05/2023 00:22

Katekate1991 · 12/05/2023 19:26

I was considering a lodger i was also considering downsizing as well. My daughter sleeps in my room. He is sleeping in her nursery. I really for the life of me can not understand why a father wants to call himself mummy. I don't want this to be my life. He knows how much its upsetting me and getting me down.

He won't stop if he knows it upsets you.

He also wouldn't have stopped if you'd pretended it didn't.

He's pretty deranged. Fine if you want to cross dress, whatever. NOT fine to call yourself mummy. Not fine to gaslight actual mummy when pulled up on it. NOT fine to physically abuse actual mummy!

You tell anyone and everyone you need to because you'll need support to move on from this situation. Of course he's told you that people will think you're crazy if you tell his secret. That's what manipulative bullies do.

Don't beg him for anything. If you have to sell YOUR house from under his feet to get you and your child away from him, then so be it.

Women's Aid is a good tip 👍

Original poster
Katekate1991 · 13/05/2023 10:06

I think because he keeps drilling it in my head no one will believe me, they will think I'm crazy. Another thing he likes to say is i went mad when I was pregnant thats apparently why i keep hearing him say mummy. Well I was thinking what about if i did get solid proof of him referring to himself as mummy. Then once i have the proof, let him hear it. Then I can say if you don't stop calling yourself mummy i will let everyone hear this proof of you doing it.

Do you think this could work?

OP posts:
TinselAngel · 13/05/2023 10:11

You're obsessing over the wrong thing Flowers

TheHandmaiden · 13/05/2023 10:13

This guy is a pervert - why is he still living with you???

Original poster
Katekate1991 · 13/05/2023 10:17

I have a mortgage I'm only working part time at the moment. So he pays rent. Its a complicated situation. Soon as my daughters 2 hopefully can go to work full time (she will be in nursery) then get him out. I have considered others like downsizing and having a Tennant but I guess I'm hoping all this nonsense will stop.

OP posts:
NicCageisnotNickCave · 13/05/2023 10:18

We believe you.

And we think you should distance yourself as much as possible, because calling himself mummy is just one little symptom of a much bigger problem.

liverpoolgal82 · 13/05/2023 10:25

TinselAngel · 13/05/2023 10:11

You're obsessing over the wrong thing Flowers

Yes this. Instead of obsessing over why he does it and how to stop it (as you’ll never work it out) you should use that energy instead on an exit plan. Quicker than the one you have of waiting for full time nursery. Have a look at prices of other properties, get yours valued, put plans on paper to make it work. That’s where your thoughts should be now , move on from whys and hows.

Original poster
Katekate1991 · 13/05/2023 10:51

You are right I am obsessing over the wrong thing. It has become a obsession and frustration which is happening daily now, mentally taking over. I will have a look at smaller properties. Thank you i really appreciate all of your advice. I feel like i could cry because of the support and people not thinking I'm crazy and mad. I was hesitant towards posting on here 1st post and this one. Thanks again.

OP posts:
TinselAngel · 13/05/2023 11:22

I'd recommend doing the Freedom Programme. It will help you to understand his behaviour.

www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

But also, get him out the house and then worry about the mortgage.

TheShellBeach · 13/05/2023 11:46

Katekate1991 · 13/05/2023 10:51

You are right I am obsessing over the wrong thing. It has become a obsession and frustration which is happening daily now, mentally taking over. I will have a look at smaller properties. Thank you i really appreciate all of your advice. I feel like i could cry because of the support and people not thinking I'm crazy and mad. I was hesitant towards posting on here 1st post and this one. Thanks again.

Kate, you're absolutely not mad.
This horrible man has messed with your head and got you wondering if you're even going to be believed about what he says and does.
You will be believed, I promise you.
Somewhere you need to find the mindset to ignore his saying he wants to be called mummy, and all the crossdressing shit.
Focus on the violence instead, for now anyway.
You are in danger.
Work out how to get rid of him.
That is your priority.

NicCageisnotNickCave · 13/05/2023 11:53

Is there someone you can trust to talk to about this in real life? A friend, a sibling, a parent?

You are stuck in his world of dirty secrets, but it’s not your world, nor your wee girl’s world.

You’d likely be surprised at just how many people do believe you, they might not have noticed why your ex seems ‘off’ but they probably have felt a ping to their creep radar at some point.

Besides anything else, all exes, even the best of exes, are best when they no longer occupy the same space. You cannot emotionally or practically move on with him in your second bedroom.

(I say this as someone who happily lives 5 doors down from my ex husband - two locked front doors between us is close enough for anyone!)

ArseMenagerie · 13/05/2023 11:57

Katekate1991 · 12/05/2023 10:10

This can't continue when i brought it up he got nasty and pushed me against the fridge. When I say I'm going to tell his family he just laughs and says well you will look like the crazy one. I have looked in to getting some recorders around the house but they are expensive. (We are still living together for now)

can you get somewhere safe?

LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 13/05/2023 12:02

Your only priority is getting him out of the house. Can you get a mortgage holiday, lodger, any benefits you might be entitled to? Forget about the rest, proving it is irrelevant, these types of sexual fetishes have been legitimised in law, even when they use infants as props. There is nothing to be gained by proving it, all you can do is try to protect your child.

Original poster
Katekate1991 · 13/05/2023 12:49

I don't really have a safe place when things get heated. As he always says its my fault I make all the augments happen, he is the victim. He says I cause all the rows because I'm imagining him calling himself mummy. I have come close to telling my nan. I have told her bits and pieces but haven't dared told her about him calling himself that ect. She doesn't know about the fridge innocent and the bruise on my arm as well. I guess its time to let this house go and downsize. I tried to avoid having to sell, you guys have made me realise that this is never going to stop. I'm very tempted to tell the ones close to me what is going on.

OP posts:
Original poster
Katekate1991 · 13/05/2023 12:51

Auto correct changed one work she does know about the fridge innocent and bruise

OP posts:
NicCageisnotNickCave · 13/05/2023 12:53

I’m glad you have your Nan.

‘Giving up’ on this house doesn’t mean you’ll be stuck somewhere small forever, you have a whole life in front of you - plenty of time to rebuild.

Besides, the joy of a home that is all yours and your daughters without this gaslighting prick in it will far outweigh the inconvenience of downsizing a bit.

TheShellBeach · 13/05/2023 12:54

Katekate1991 · 13/05/2023 12:49

I don't really have a safe place when things get heated. As he always says its my fault I make all the augments happen, he is the victim. He says I cause all the rows because I'm imagining him calling himself mummy. I have come close to telling my nan. I have told her bits and pieces but haven't dared told her about him calling himself that ect. She doesn't know about the fridge innocent and the bruise on my arm as well. I guess its time to let this house go and downsize. I tried to avoid having to sell, you guys have made me realise that this is never going to stop. I'm very tempted to tell the ones close to me what is going on.

I think it would be helpful if you focus on the domestic violence, and confide in someone about that.
The AGP is horrible but the DV is what you should concentrate on at the moment.
People will believe you and help you.

steppemum · 13/05/2023 18:17

OP he is making you believe that somehow no-one would believe you and it is a horrible secret that you cannot tell.
Well, that is all a lie.
You can tell who you want. Tell the whole world if you want that he cross dresses and calls himself Mummy.

And yes, people will believe you.

But that is all less important than you understanding that he is violent and dangerous. He is also controlling you by making you afraid to tell your family what is going on.

Get out, get safe, then let everyone know what a dick head he is

Perpetuallyexhaustedtoddlermum · 13/05/2023 18:32

Yikes on several bikes. You poor woman and your poor DD. It's time to tell your Nan everything this mad man is doing and start your escape plan.
Bank account he doesn't know about, secure your email accounts, if DD goes to nursery/childminders make them aware of what's happening and the police, womens aid etc.
Research cluster B personalities and obviously AGP, forewarned is forearmed. You need to understand exactly what you're dealing with.

doozledog · 13/05/2023 19:41

Don't worry about the mortgage. You need to get him out. He's being abusive, and he is doing it because he knows you need him financially. I posted earlier on in the thread that universal credit will top your earnings up, and he has to pay maintenance, which you can put towards mortgage. UC takes about a month to get sorted, and it can all be done online. Maintenance he will have to pay monthly.