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Parenting

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Original poster

Don't want my son to start nursery

85 replies

wetwipe2 · 20/04/2023 14:14

My son turned 3 in February and is due to start nursery for the first time next week. I'm beginning to have major doubts about it and don't want him to go.

We do classes and play sessions most days at the moment, but he's not very confident socially and I think he's going to struggle in a group setting. I can't bear the thought of walking away and leaving him, especially if he's in tears.

His language skills aren't the best either so I worry that he won't fully understand what's going on and that we're coming back. DH is keen to send him as he thinks it'll help his social skills, but I want to back out.

He's down for three days a week.

WWYD?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Travelisfun · 20/04/2023 14:16

My first daughter started nursery at 12 months, the second at 9 months... I didn't have a choice.
They cried the first few times but after the first 2 weeks they loved it! Our nursery always sent lots of photos which was reassuring.
So many parents feel anxious about their kids going into nursery and you have to do what's right for you, but from experience it is rare for a child to hate nursery!

Hbh17 · 20/04/2023 14:18

I think your husband is right. You should at least give nursery a try for a few weeks - it could be exactly what your child needs, so why would you want to deny him the opportunity to progress?

Parker231 · 20/04/2023 14:18

He doesn’t have to go. My DT’s went full time from six months old. We’re a trilingual family and nursery helped them learn English. They also made some lovely friends and did activities I wouldn’t have thought of. It also meant I could continue my career which was very important to me.

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PuttingDownRoots · 20/04/2023 14:19

Try it. If it doesn't work out, try again later in the year.

The point of the 3yo education is too give them confidence.

Original poster

wetwipe2 · 20/04/2023 14:21

If the point is to give them confidence, isn't that something he can develop with me at home and going to classes and groups?

I'm having sleepless nights about it and feel so guilty at the thought of leaving him.

OP posts:

FishChipsMushyPeas · 20/04/2023 14:21

I used to teach nursery and you would be amazed at the amount of children that cried until their parents left and just stopped. He will become a lot more social if he attends nursery and the difference in reception between children that attended nursery and those that didnt was noticeable in terms of their ability to share, interact etc

Sunshineclouds11 · 20/04/2023 14:22

My child started the same as how your child is.
It has done nothing but wonders.
They have grown and learnt a lot. His social skills have grown along with his speech.

The first few weeks are hard but it gets easier.

Nearlyamumoftwo · 20/04/2023 14:22

He probably will struggle at 3yo but that is to be expected. All children will. My son still gets upset some days.

He should go though - it will be so valuable for him before he starts school.

Temporaryname158 · 20/04/2023 14:23

If he lacks self confidence and language at 3 despite your efforts to socialise etc then I think you need the additional element nursery provides. It’s not all or nothing, it’s 3 days and 4 at home. He will be starting school in a year and a half and I think it sounds like he needs to formal socialisation. And the activities they do to prepare him for school

Hazelnuttella · 20/04/2023 14:24

My DS is always very clingy/shy when I take him to playgroups. He’s absolutely fine at nursery without me and loves it.

Have some faith in him, he’ll be able to handle it.

Danikm151 · 20/04/2023 14:25

If you put it off it may be harder to adjust down the line for both of you.
Next September he will be at school 5 days a week.
I use nursery for childcare because I have to work but the activities he does there can’t be replicated at home.
He enjoys it and tears are very rare. I was worried about him moving up to preschool but he loves it

Parker231 · 20/04/2023 14:25

Has he spent much time away from you?

Original poster

wetwipe2 · 20/04/2023 14:26

Hazelnuttella · 20/04/2023 14:24

My DS is always very clingy/shy when I take him to playgroups. He’s absolutely fine at nursery without me and loves it.

Have some faith in him, he’ll be able to handle it.

Thanks for the reassurance.

Has anyone had a child go to nursery and it set their confidence back? That's partly what I'm concerned about - that he'll find it so daunting and overwhelming and that will have a knock on effect on his confidence.

OP posts:

Original poster

wetwipe2 · 20/04/2023 14:26

Parker231 · 20/04/2023 14:25

Has he spent much time away from you?

No - our family live abroad so he's with us most of the time. We've had a babysitter a few times but thats it.

OP posts:

Parker231 · 20/04/2023 14:28

wetwipe2 · 20/04/2023 14:26

No - our family live abroad so he's with us most of the time. We've had a babysitter a few times but thats it.

Show quote history

Sounds like gaining some independence would be good for him. It’s a stepping stone towards going to school.

CharlotteDoyle · 20/04/2023 14:30

I mean this kindly, but it sounds like the issue is more about you than your son. A lot of parents feel worried when their children go through transitions, and starting nursery/school is a big one. Just try to make sure your decision is based on what's in your son's best interests and isn't driven by your own fears/insecurities. IMO nursery is beneficial to most children and helps prepare them emotionally and socially for reception. But you know your kid best.

Abouttimemum · 20/04/2023 14:31

I’d send him, he’s going to have to go to school eventually and nursery is an excellent way to prepare them for that. My DS aged 4 has always been quite introverted and clingy but his nursery have been incredible at supporting him and helping him build friendships. It’s invaluable.

bunnyrabbitsandbutterflies · 20/04/2023 14:32

Send him! It's definitely what he needs. The beginning might be painful but would you rather suffer that now or when he's supposed to be at school?

lemontrees22 · 20/04/2023 14:32

@wetwipe2 I just wanted to say that I felt the same way as you with my DD. She was quiet and due to lockdowns and cancelled playgroups etc over the last few years...had only a few friends her own age that we socialised with. I'm a SAHM so she was with me ..a lot!
I too was worried about her starting and would she be ok...but she was fine.
You will be surprised how resilient they can be!
Remember as well that they will pick up on any anxiety or worry's you have...so I would keep it really "fun" calm, can you go to an orientation day? Spend time at the nursery ahead of starting?
Once he sees other kids playing he will really enjoy! I'm sure the staff will be keeping you up to date as well.

WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 20/04/2023 14:34

wetwipe2 · 20/04/2023 14:21

If the point is to give them confidence, isn't that something he can develop with me at home and going to classes and groups?

I'm having sleepless nights about it and feel so guilty at the thought of leaving him.

I’m sure you are wonderful, but no, you can’t provide everything he needs in life. We all have to be exposed to the outside world at some point and the longer you leave it, the harder it will be for him.

FlounderingFruitcake · 20/04/2023 14:35

It sounds like he might benefit from a bit more independence and even if it’s a tough transition for you or him, it’s better now than when he starts school. Plus 4 days at home and 3 at nursery is still loads of time together and you can still do some classes if you want to. Also, I know not related to nursery and sorry if you’ve already done this but if he’s struggling socially and with language then I’d also want to get his hearing checked in case it’s glue ear.

Hazelnuttella · 20/04/2023 14:39

Think about how proud he’ll be of himself when he’s been there for a full day all by himself, he’ll love telling you all the things he’s been doing.

My DS is only 2 but he looks so pleased with himself when we bring home one of his paintings/glue covered creations and put it up at home.

RedToothBrush · 20/04/2023 14:40

This isn't about your child not coping.

It's about you.

Your child will learn all those things.

You need to let go at some point. It will make it easier by the time they get to school if they go now.

Newnamenewname109870 · 20/04/2023 14:42

Hello didn’t want to read and run. Can you stick with mornings instead of full days to start with? They’re generally really good with starting them slow for settling. It probably will be hard for him but doesn’t mean he will love it in time. When will he be starting school?

Coffeeandbourbons · 20/04/2023 14:43

Sounds like he needs nursery if anything. If he’s 3+ then it won’t be long until he starts school anyway in the scheme of things, and I can’t imagine that will be any easier after kicking the can down the road. It’s just one of those moments like vaccinations where you just have to rise to the occasion as a mum and put your own feelings aside.

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