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Original poster

Ex taking child to his home country

88 replies

Livingwithex · 16/04/2023 11:29

Ex is going to see his elderly parents in his home country. His taking his dd as well and wants to take my dd. I dont want to say which country as too outing, but what are my rights if he doesnt come back. His ex agreed for their dd to go so Im willing to agree to.
From reading mumsnet I understand there is some convetion/agreement that government would help me if he abducted her. Google is not helping me much.

OP posts:
YetMoreNewBeginnings · 16/04/2023 11:30

It depends entirely on the country he’d be taking her too.

I assume he’s on her birth certificate?

angelopal · 16/04/2023 11:31

Without the country no one will be able to advise. Different countries have different rules.

VintedoreBay · 16/04/2023 11:33

I wouldn't be comfortable with this. Don't base your decision on that of his other ex.

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EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 16/04/2023 11:34

The Hague convention is what you're looking for. Google should tell you if the countru his parents lives in is a signatory or not. .

Spoonz · 16/04/2023 11:34

If you have genuine concerns that your ex might abduct your child, do not let her go.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 16/04/2023 11:35

If you feel uncomfortable with her going then don't let her. Why would he abduct her?

Original poster
Livingwithex · 16/04/2023 11:36

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 16/04/2023 11:34

The Hague convention is what you're looking for. Google should tell you if the countru his parents lives in is a signatory or not. .

Thank you, I was looking for that.

yes he is on birth certificate

OP posts:
theWarOnPeace · 16/04/2023 11:38

If you are actually concerned about abduction and Hague convention etc then it’s surely a no? Forget the other mum’s opinion. Does he have a reason to stay there or a reason to come back to the UK?

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 16/04/2023 11:40

Livingwithex · 16/04/2023 11:36

Thank you, I was looking for that.

yes he is on birth certificate

Show quote history

Please do proper research on the specific country, and even area of the country, he’d be going to if you have concerns.

There are places that are signed up, but that doesn’t make it automatic that finding and returning a child works.

If you have concerns then say no. Do your own risk assessment rather than feeling obliged to match the exes.

Richierich77 · 16/04/2023 11:41

Why would he abduct her, what makes you think that’s a possibility? Has she been away with him before on holiday because if yes he’s obviously returned

Original poster
Livingwithex · 16/04/2023 11:46

Richierich77 · 16/04/2023 11:41

Why would he abduct her, what makes you think that’s a possibility? Has she been away with him before on holiday because if yes he’s obviously returned

He hasnt…
its 1st time taking either of them

i dont think he has a reason to come back to uk. He doesnt have much here, only his kids really.

the other option is me going with them, but i dont want to spend 2 weeks with him and his family and i would have to pay for my own ticket.

OP posts:
YetMoreNewBeginnings · 16/04/2023 11:53

How old is your DD?

I know you’re worried about being identifiable, but does the country he’s going to have a good record of women’s and girls rights?

TheFormidableMrsC · 16/04/2023 11:55

Absolutely no way would I allow this. Especially as you say he doesn't have many reasons to return. You really don't sound convinced yourself!

hattie43 · 16/04/2023 11:57

Nope it's too risky and I wouldn't allow it . If it does go wrong you could lose your child for years whilst the legalities take place and that's assuming this country recognises laws.

NurseCranesRolodex · 16/04/2023 11:57

Livingwithex · 16/04/2023 11:29

Ex is going to see his elderly parents in his home country. His taking his dd as well and wants to take my dd. I dont want to say which country as too outing, but what are my rights if he doesnt come back. His ex agreed for their dd to go so Im willing to agree to.
From reading mumsnet I understand there is some convetion/agreement that government would help me if he abducted her. Google is not helping me much.

Since you clearly feel its a liklihood he may not bring your DD home. On this basis I absolutely would not allow her to go. In fact, I would start looking at how to get out of this relationship. You don't trust him with keeping your child safe so there is no way to go forward.

Original poster
Livingwithex · 16/04/2023 11:58

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 16/04/2023 11:53

How old is your DD?

I know you’re worried about being identifiable, but does the country he’s going to have a good record of women’s and girls rights?

its not a muslim country

OP posts:
Original poster
Livingwithex · 16/04/2023 12:00

NurseCranesRolodex · 16/04/2023 11:57

Since you clearly feel its a liklihood he may not bring your DD home. On this basis I absolutely would not allow her to go. In fact, I would start looking at how to get out of this relationship. You don't trust him with keeping your child safe so there is no way to go forward.

Show quote history

Yes Im bit stuck if you look at my different posts
i would love to get out, its not even a relationship

OP posts:
Luredbyapomegranate · 16/04/2023 12:00

You can prevent this if you feel there’s a risk of abduction, and - unless your daughter is approaching adulthood and really wants to go - this is what you should do.

It just isn’t responsible to let her go if abduction is a risk. It will be damaging to her and possibly hugely expensive (and depending where he is) impossible to get her back.

Richierich77 · 16/04/2023 12:02

Livingwithex · 16/04/2023 11:46

He hasnt…
its 1st time taking either of them

i dont think he has a reason to come back to uk. He doesnt have much here, only his kids really.

the other option is me going with them, but i dont want to spend 2 weeks with him and his family and i would have to pay for my own ticket.

Show quote history

presumably he has a home & job to return to? He could abduct her whilst she’s in his care in UK but he hasn’t

Brackenfield · 16/04/2023 12:05

Livingwithex · 16/04/2023 11:58

its not a muslim country

Show quote history

Yikes. That didn't really answer the question did it?

WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 16/04/2023 12:06

Livingwithex · 16/04/2023 11:46

He hasnt…
its 1st time taking either of them

i dont think he has a reason to come back to uk. He doesnt have much here, only his kids really.

the other option is me going with them, but i dont want to spend 2 weeks with him and his family and i would have to pay for my own ticket.

Show quote history

I’d rather spend 2 weeks with someone and pay for my own ticket than risk allowing them to run off with my child.

If I felt my child was at risk of abduction, I’d be preventing it. You seem to have accepted the risk of abduction based on what someone else is happy to allow for their child and then look at how you’d get your child back if the abduction were to happen. How about not allowing it in the first place?

Original poster
Livingwithex · 16/04/2023 12:09

Richierich77 · 16/04/2023 12:02

presumably he has a home & job to return to? He could abduct her whilst she’s in his care in UK but he hasn’t

Show quote history

job is just a job
and no he doesnt have actuslly a home to return to… still living in a spare room so may as well just not come back

OP posts:
Original poster
Livingwithex · 16/04/2023 12:10

WhatAmIDoingWrong123 · 16/04/2023 12:06

I’d rather spend 2 weeks with someone and pay for my own ticket than risk allowing them to run off with my child.

If I felt my child was at risk of abduction, I’d be preventing it. You seem to have accepted the risk of abduction based on what someone else is happy to allow for their child and then look at how you’d get your child back if the abduction were to happen. How about not allowing it in the first place?

Show quote history

Yes you are right
i think we just wont go and he can go with his dd

OP posts:
Broadbeachshallow · 16/04/2023 12:15

Just say no to the trip. You seem concerned about the risk - I don't know if that's justified or not. But if you simply refuse, then the risk is zero.

Richierich77 · 16/04/2023 12:15

Livingwithex · 16/04/2023 12:09

job is just a job
and no he doesnt have actuslly a home to return to… still living in a spare room so may as well just not come back

Show quote history

I guess it also depends on age of your DD, I would feel differently about a 5 yo than I would 15 yo. Could you have discussion about your concerns with him? Do you know where his parents live, do you know them well? What I’m getting at is that there’s factors that could affect the decision. I wouldn’t just say no because it’s abroad.