Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Ex taking child to his home country

88 replies

Livingwithex · 16/04/2023 11:29

Ex is going to see his elderly parents in his home country. His taking his dd as well and wants to take my dd. I dont want to say which country as too outing, but what are my rights if he doesnt come back. His ex agreed for their dd to go so Im willing to agree to.
From reading mumsnet I understand there is some convetion/agreement that government would help me if he abducted her. Google is not helping me much.

OP posts:
ShandaLear · 16/04/2023 12:15

If you think abduction is a risk then you are right to be wary. Do you have her passport and birth certificate? If so, make sure theyre secure in a place where he can’t access them and if she hasn’t make sure you apply for one now otherwise your ex could apply and hold it himself.

Weallgottachangesometime · 16/04/2023 12:21

Absolutely say no. However before you give him an answer hide her passport and contact the passport office to ask that another is not issues. If you think there is any chance of her taking him without your permission you can get an order to prevent him leaving the country with her.

From your description he has nothing to loose by going there and keeping them both with him.

Do you speak to the other mother?

crosstalk · 16/04/2023 12:23

Google Catherine Meyer. Her ex husband had their children over to visit in Germany and refused to return them. She spent a fortune in the courts with little success. I understand Japan is very protective of fathers' rights.

And as for paying to go to protect her DD, OP might not have much chance. Just don't let the DD go.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Family law General parenting
Weallgottachangesometime · 16/04/2023 12:25

https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/travel-and-relocation/

Op I would seriously consider getting an order. I wouldn’t risk him going anywhere with her.

Ex taking child to his home country
Mummyoflittledragon · 16/04/2023 12:26

The age of your dd has a bearing. The younger, the more easily she will be integrated. Even if the country is a fully signed up to the convention (some have not completed the process), you will still have somewhat of a fight on your hands. It depends on the country he comes from. Some countries will have specific laws he can use to try to delay and I’m including European countries. If this were the case, you’d need lawyers both locally there and back here with a specialisation in international law.

If you do tell people the country and age, you’ll get far better advice.

Scirocco · 16/04/2023 12:26

Livingwithex · 16/04/2023 11:58

its not a muslim country

Show quote history

Wow.

That's not exactly answering the question and is a bit judgemental.

PuttingOnTheKitsch · 16/04/2023 12:29

It will be Spain. There's been loads of posts of late about children going to Spain with ex-partners.

Just say the country OP and then people will be able to help you.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 16/04/2023 12:29

Livingwithex · 16/04/2023 11:58

its not a muslim country

Show quote history

That’s not what I asked…

There are many patriarchal countries that are not Islamic.

You really need to do your research and not make assumptions about the place involved. Especially if your DD has, or is entitled to, citizenship of the country.

Also consider the fact her sibling is going may actually add to the risks rather than lessen it.

Scirocco · 16/04/2023 12:29

My general advice would be that if you're even having to think about Hague convention, lawyers etc, don't send her with him.

Depending on the country, even going with her might not be enough to keep her safe and with you.

snowfal · 16/04/2023 12:29

Don't take this risk. Don't let her go and hide her passport.

Curlyfluff · 16/04/2023 12:32

Livingwithex · 16/04/2023 11:46

He hasnt…
its 1st time taking either of them

i dont think he has a reason to come back to uk. He doesnt have much here, only his kids really.

the other option is me going with them, but i dont want to spend 2 weeks with him and his family and i would have to pay for my own ticket.

Show quote history

Right, so the only thing that ties him here are the children, and he wants to take them BOTH together.
Just no. No, no, and no again. And then another NO.

AriannasGuitarCase · 16/04/2023 12:38

Going by your other post, your child is a toddler, so no way would I be letting him take her. And as others have said, I think the fact the other daughter is going makes it more of a risk not less

NewNameNigel · 16/04/2023 12:40

Op are you able to articulate why you are so worried about him abducting her? Has he threatened this before or does he have form for this sort of thing?

Dp's ex is from another country and she sometimes takes the children to see her family and thoughts like these don't cross his mind. He'd also get a very different response to the one you are getting on here if he said he wanted to prevent her taking the children on holiday.

gogohmm · 16/04/2023 12:41

There's an element of trust here. I wouldn't automatically think just because he doesn't have a good job in the U.K. he would want to abduct both his children and move back to his home country, there's many other factors including whether he would integrate back there easily, job prospects etc. If it's a western country then The Hague convention works pretty well, our consulate would step in and do repatriate children (not that many as parents simply don't try it knowing they will likely loose).

None of us can tell you his intentions, have you tried talking to him?

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 16/04/2023 15:19

I'm going to guess he just wants to take his children to see his family but if there's any chance of you thinking he won't return, I wouldn't risk it.

I'm assuming he looks after the kids in the UK too?

Has the family met the children before? Do they come here to visit?

If you're uncomfortable with it then just say no.

Original poster
Livingwithex · 16/04/2023 16:12

Its not europe.
its a rare country, if i say it, it would be too outing.
1st visits for both kids, his family met his dd once when little.
i have minimal contact with his ex.
he is good dad here, he wouldnt abduct them here coz he wouldnt have anywhere to go.
my dd has a passport already.

he went back once to his country before and very easily found a job. He has lots of family there so yes he wouldnt have reasons to come back to uk if he has his kids with him.

i wont go, its too risky. I would never forgive myself if something happened

OP posts:
MintJulia · 16/04/2023 16:18

Also bear in mind that just because you have your dd's U.K. passport, does not mean he hasn't had one issued from his country. If she is his dd then she could have two passports without you knowing.

Holly03 · 16/04/2023 16:20

Did that mother ever get her children back when her ex took both of them abroad. She was from australia and he kept them with his family. He was going to visit parents and never came back. Do your research on the country but I’d be inclined to say no unless I went and stayed in a hotel near by

33goingon64 · 16/04/2023 16:20

Do they practice FGM in this country? I imagine that's what you were referring to when you mentioned national religion.

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 16/04/2023 16:23

Livingwithex · 16/04/2023 16:12

Its not europe.
its a rare country, if i say it, it would be too outing.
1st visits for both kids, his family met his dd once when little.
i have minimal contact with his ex.
he is good dad here, he wouldnt abduct them here coz he wouldnt have anywhere to go.
my dd has a passport already.

he went back once to his country before and very easily found a job. He has lots of family there so yes he wouldnt have reasons to come back to uk if he has his kids with him.

i wont go, its too risky. I would never forgive myself if something happened

If you won't go, don't let your daughter.

Noorandapples · 16/04/2023 16:23

I think if you don't feel you can trust him to bring your child back, then don't. Just say it's too soon, too young to be away from you.

TheVanguardSix · 16/04/2023 16:25

MintJulia · 16/04/2023 16:18

Also bear in mind that just because you have your dd's U.K. passport, does not mean he hasn't had one issued from his country. If she is his dd then she could have two passports without you knowing.

It depends on the country. As an American, both parents are required to attend the US embassy in person when applying for children’s passports. Not all countries require both parents’ attendance or signatures though.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/04/2023 16:25

What do you mean by a "rare" country? There's only one of every country so technically they are all "rare".

How old is your dd?

Mars27 · 16/04/2023 16:33

Are you mad?

Sometimes I read things here that make me wonder how people get by in this life.

Surely if you have suspicions that your ex is going to abduct your child, the best thing would be not to let them go?

FWIW, my friend's husband kept threatening to take their DD to Morocco and never return if she didn't "behave" the way he wanted. Their daughter used to go to school with the hijab and take it off round the corner before she got the school gates. She's 17 now and hates absolutely everything about her dad's culture. Karma and all that.

jannier · 16/04/2023 16:35

If you doubt he will bring her back I'd get legal advice and not give permission until you know. I wouldn't want to spend years fighting to get my child back.

Swipe left for the next trending thread