Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Is this touching appropriate?

87 replies

Anonymices · 12/04/2023 22:11

Just worried about whether this touching is appropriate by a father on his 8 year old daughter? He applies her moisturiser after bath (basically all over), but the mother allows the girl to apply her own when she is caring for her. He also slaps/kicks his kids naked bums. Would you have a word, or is this normal?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Ilovetea42 · 12/04/2023 22:13

I personally wouldn't find this weird at all unless the child was uncomfortable with it. I'd probably encourage my child to apply their own more to teach them independence rather than because me applying it would be inappropriate. I wouldn't think twice if dh did this

FuckNuggets · 12/04/2023 22:13

No it's not. There's no way my husband would have done this to our daughters past the age of 5 or 6.

TulipsAndDaisiesAndBlossom · 12/04/2023 22:13

Sounds okay to me. What relationship are you in this situation?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

8 year olds Families General parenting
historygeek · 12/04/2023 22:15

Should I not help my DS get dressed or apply cream? Provided the daughter is fine with it then it's fine. Unless there are other causes for concern?

alyceflowers · 12/04/2023 22:18

Both normal in my family unless the child objects.

EggyBreads · 12/04/2023 22:19

Normal.

Simonjt · 12/04/2023 22:20

FuckNuggets · 12/04/2023 22:13

No it's not. There's no way my husband would have done this to our daughters past the age of 5 or 6.

Why would he refuse to care for his daughter after the age of 5/6? I assume he would also prevent her going outside during the summer months as he would refuse to protect her skin with suncream.

itsabigtree · 12/04/2023 22:21

Very creepy

GrazingSheep · 12/04/2023 22:22

Is this your abusive ex?

GrazingSheep · 12/04/2023 22:23

And why is he slapping or kicking their naked bums??

Original poster
Anonymices · 12/04/2023 22:28

GrazingSheep · 12/04/2023 22:22

Is this your abusive ex?

Yes. And I think he thinks he's just being playful with the kicking/slapping, but I'm not sure about it, it feels like some kind of desensitisation. I don't think anyone should be doing that to them?

OP posts:
GrazingSheep · 12/04/2023 22:30

I agree with you.

CascaChan · 12/04/2023 22:39

An 8 year old should be able to apply their own moisturiser. Her mother lets her do it, why would the father make extra work for himself if she is capable? Does he know she can do it?

I would not have been comfortable with this at 8 years of age. Trust your instinct. But honestly I don’t think it’s right. It feels like it’s breaking boundaries around touch that should be in place at this age.

Kanaloa · 12/04/2023 22:42

Simonjt · 12/04/2023 22:20

Why would he refuse to care for his daughter after the age of 5/6? I assume he would also prevent her going outside during the summer months as he would refuse to protect her skin with suncream.

Show quote history

I presume he would encourage her to apply it while supporting if needed, not apply moisturiser ‘all over’ when she is capable of doing so herself. Surely you see the difference between helping a child with some sun cream and putting moisturiser on a naked 8 year old who is capable of doing it independently.

Also not sure why everyone is bleating ‘it’s normal’ about the moisturiser while ignoring that he regularly slaps or kicks their naked bums. Why would he be doing this? Does everyone also find that totally normal?

thebaneofmylifeisacat · 12/04/2023 22:43

I think if you think it's odd then it's odd op!

If your spidery senses feel this then trust them

Kanaloa · 12/04/2023 22:43

alyceflowers · 12/04/2023 22:18

Both normal in my family unless the child objects.

It’s normal in your family for men to slap or kick the naked body of an 8 year old girl? Why? What has normalised that?

SD1978 · 12/04/2023 22:44

Normal. Unless the child has an issue, why do you? I have a ten year old who still gets a bum slap, and all over moisturiser/ massage because of eczema, although could ply the cream herself. Why do you think it isn't? Would you say the same if it was a female caregiver doing it?

Londoncatshed · 12/04/2023 22:48

I was definitely still applying cream to my DD at that age. My husband didn’t but would if it was important and I wasn’t around or able to. At 8, my DD was very much still a little girl. Unless there is some reason to distrust the father, I don’t think it’s unusual in any way.

alyceflowers · 12/04/2023 23:14

Kanaloa · 12/04/2023 22:43

It’s normal in your family for men to slap or kick the naked body of an 8 year old girl? Why? What has normalised that?

Show quote history

Yes I would smack a naked bum. Why? Because it's funny/a game.

Kanaloa · 12/04/2023 23:16

alyceflowers · 12/04/2023 23:14

Yes I would smack a naked bum. Why? Because it's funny/a game.

Show quote history

It’s a funny game for a dad to regularly slap and kick his 8 year old daughter’s naked bum? It doesn’t sound like a funny game to me but it takes all sorts I suppose!

alyceflowers · 12/04/2023 23:20

I guess different families do different things but I always smack a naked bum running past.

Kanaloa · 12/04/2023 23:21

alyceflowers · 12/04/2023 23:20

I guess different families do different things but I always smack a naked bum running past.

So you’d think it appropriate for a dad to regularly slap and kick the naked bum of an 8 year old girl? I guess different families do definitely do things differently, because to me that would be odd.

Kanaloa · 12/04/2023 23:22

And an 8 year old would generally not be a ‘naked bum running past.’ It isn’t really average behaviour for an 8 year old to be running naked through the house while her dad kicks and slaps her.

alyceflowers · 12/04/2023 23:23

Kanaloa · 12/04/2023 23:22

And an 8 year old would generally not be a ‘naked bum running past.’ It isn’t really average behaviour for an 8 year old to be running naked through the house while her dad kicks and slaps her.

Normal in my house.

ShannonMcFarland · 12/04/2023 23:24

I tap my toddler's bare bum if he's running around sometimes because it's cute and funny. Is that not okay? Not being goady just the thread has made me wonder.

Swipe left for the next trending thread