Is this touching appropriate?

[Anonymices]

Just worried about whether this touching is appropriate by a father on his 8 year old daughter? He applies her moisturiser after bath (basically all over), but the mother allows the girl to apply her own when she is caring for her. He also slaps/kicks his kids naked bums. Would you have a word, or is this normal?

Wow, I do hope you and your slobbering lips are just a troll.

I don’t have slobbering lips because I am not the one who insists on kissing children on the lips YOU ARE.

There's nothing wrong with kissing your own children.

On the cheek, forehead fine on the lips it’s disgusting.

What does the 8 year old think? If she's uncomfortable it has to stop.

My 7 year old often needs moisturiser but she mostly puts in on herself these days unless she's particularly tired after her bath. Dad would do her back, legs etc if she needed him to for whatever reason but nowhere intimate. On the rare occasions she's needed anytime more 'private' (she had thrush a while ago after a course of antibiotics) I put that cream on for her, in private in her room but only after she asked me to as it was 'medical' and she was worried about exactly where to put it (she's autistic and has to know all the details of everything!). Even then after I'd done it twice and she knew where it needed to go, she did it herself with me supervising loosely to make sure it wasn't all over unaffected skin.

Even my (female) 4 year old now, on the rare occasions she's had a sore bottom, will ask me to put cream on it not Daddy. They do 'pants are private' (NSPCC) from a young age which is great! At 4 she also shuts the door to the toilet and says she 'wants some privacy!'.

I don't think it's odd if a Dad NEEDS to put a cream on a child, no more odd that if I need to do it. DH would do anything the children NEEDED him to do for them, even if he wasn't overly comfortable. But he wouldn't just do it for no good reason and they'd have always the option of doing it themselves if they can.

Equally, now they're past toddlerhood he no longer walks around naked in front of them or has baths with them which he did when they were tiny. He does bathe/shower the younger one as she's still happy for him to but he'll stop/just supervise for water safety in the bath if I'm not around once she'd rather he didn't. He takes them both swimming regularly whilst I'm at work. They go in the family changing booth with a shower in it. They're all happy with that, but the girls wash themselves, and he keeps his shorts on.

It's really important that children have the ability to speak up about who they show their bodies to and who touches them, and they know that they can say no, they're not comfortable. Although in some families everyone is naked happily in front of each other, and no one would think anything of what you've put in your post OP.

It's really the child's choice! If the child does it themselves when Mums around there's really no reason for the Dad to and if I was the Mum I'd ask him to get them to do it themselves at that age.

The moisturiser- maybe OK

slapping/kicking naked bums - most definitely not OK. Or even clothed bums for that matter.

I’m sorry I think that’s awful. I’m presuming you wouldn’t slap the bum of a random 27 year old man in the street? Why is it OK to do this to someone just because he’s your son? It’s his body, not yours. My sons are 14 and 17 and I would never slap their bottoms even in jest.

So your husband wouldn't help his 6+ year old apply eczema cream or suncream ? That's weird.

Maybe I’m a right prude but some comments on this thread are awful. Pinching/slapping/kicking the bottom of another human being just because they are your child. They are not your property. If you wouldn’t do it to a random person in the street you have no more right to do it to your child.

Normal unless you have other reasons to think it's not.

Why I'm all four reply's do you keep highlighting 'dad' and 'little girl' rather than say parent and child? Yes, if a kid runs past with a bare bum it's normal to playfully slap it.

You have issues.

No its not.

Completely weird for any adult to be rubbing cream all over their 8 year old child - barring disability an 8 year old can do this themselves and should be being taught boundaries about their body by both parents.

Honestly, I am not raising my child in an upright way AT ALL we would be naked in front of each other potentially getting changed, etc etc - we are even a family who kisses on the lips, shock horror! But intimate application of cream to a child this age is absolutely disgusting - at best it's infantilising the child massively - at worst it's sexual abuse.

Your poor, poor children.

Oh yes. My poor daughters. Growing up in an environment where they have complete control over their bodies and can walk around without their bum being slapped. Please don't worry about my children, they are happy, healthy and will survive without me touching their intimate areas. Thank god!

Because that’s the situation op is concerned about. It would be pointless to highlight ‘do you feed your two year old son yoghurt’ because that’s a different situation.

Why do you highlight ‘running past with bare bum’ and ‘smacking’ rather than ‘kicking and slapping naked bum?’ Noticeable that people are repeatedly deleting the kicking.

I agree language and context is important.

Kicking and hitting is wrong.

Bring playful and reacting to a child who is looking for attention and affection isn’t. As I said above, my child thinks it’s hilarious to wiggle their naked bum at me and likes me to splat it. Said child also kisses me on my lips. They are 8 years old. My three Yr old is less fussed about kisses (absolutely fine!) but does like tight hugs and wiggles their bum just as ferociously.

Big adult groping hands plastering cream all over an 8 year old after a bath or shower, wiggling naked children’s bums being slapped by adults groping hands and then to top it off adults kissing children on the lips. All in the vein of a bedtime routine and parental love. This is sick and I do have issues with it. IMO children can receive and give love from adults without their bodies being groped, slapped and being kissed on the lips.

@Wc100423 why are you trying to sexualise any contact a parent has with their child? It's weird.

I’m stating the facts as they have been presented you trying to down play it is exceptionally suspect to me and offensive that you think it’s normal behavior that is being described in here. You are weird and creepy the very fact that you mentioned sexualized is alarming I never mentioned sex at all YOU DID is that how you view it? If it is why do you think it is acceptable?

@Wc100423 you're using words like 'groping' which has sexual connotations.

Groping is not just used as a sexual word it can be used in a different context to mean clumsily or thoughtlessly doing something but now that YOU have sexual uses it IMO an adult male rubbing cream all over an 8 year olds body after a shower or bath, then slapping and kicking a bare bum in this context is suspect but if you think it’s perfectly normal and I’m a weirdo for objecting to children being exposed to this than what can I say we are VERY different people.

"Big adult groping hands plastering cream all over an 8 year old after a bath or shower, wiggling naked children’s bums being slapped by adults groping hands and then to top it off adults kissing children on the lips. All in the vein of a bedtime routine and parental love. This is sick and I do have issues with it. IMO children can receive and give love from adults without their bodies being groped, slapped and being kissed on the lips."

@Wc100423 Woah I was absolutely spot on, definitely you have issues. Get some help.