Feral two year old

[Understandtheconcept]

My two year old is just awful: I know terrible twos are a thing, but I honestly didn’t expect it to be this horrific.

I can’t believe I’m actually considering using physical chastisement, I’ve always been totally against any form of smacking but just nothing works and I’m absolutely at breaking point.

2 and 5 months.

Sounds like you had a bad day. I don't think him kicking off about being removed from a situation means he's unhappy. He might be in the moment but throwing themselves around is not a sign they are deeply unhappy in general.

I have a kid like this. She was worse around growth spurts. Biting me, throwing, hitting, violent tantrums, the lot. She’s evened out a bit now she’s 4 but still very stubborn and occasionally prone to crying fits when she doesn’t get her own way. We just have to ignore her when it’s over superficial things. she’s doing it less so that’s something. Unfortunately there were times where we had to shut her in her room for time outs (5 mins at a time and check for apology, calmness) when she was out of control. When people asked if I had tried “the naughty step” I just laughed. If she was a kid that would sit on a step for a period of time I wouldn’t be at the end of my tether. 🤣

All that aside, she’s a perfectly happy, bright, secure little girl.

It gets better eventually.

I hope so. Thanks.

Cool ok and you’re welcome for the time I took to share my thoughts 👍

yes I’m being a bit pass ag - I’ve had a brutal day with my two year old too.

hope things get easier and please don’t be violent to him.

Can you strap him in the buggy when he does this? I used to have to hold mine in a vice grip.

We very rarely use the buggy, to be honest. And it would just get him madder and madder at not being free. Honestly, I’m not being purposefully obstructive and I can see it would be helpful for some situations/children but to mine it would be a red rag to a bull.

@wherethewaterisdarker I’m sorry you’ve had a bad day, I really am. But this thread is so not the place for passive aggressive digs. I answered you perfectly nicely over the page and I’m actually fighting back tears here so as not to upset ds or husband, I really don’t need shitty little digs.

DS was a horror (now a mostly lovely 19yo). It doesn't seem fair that other Mums can sit on their bums drinking hot coffee while you spend your life:
a) Shadowing and
b) Apologising for your 2 yo.

Things that partially worked were: spending a huge amount of time outside where you are more likely to find kindred spirits (invest in a warm waterproof coat, wellies and a good insulated coffee cup), going to places like soft play, museums etc at quieter times eg: as they opened or after 3:30pm. Taking the buggy everywhere as a safe "timeout" space. Agree with previous poster, verbal warning, time out in buggy followed by leaving.

Yes it socks, however he was better by 3 or 4 and almost human by 6. I also found because I'd had to be so firm early on, he tended to know I meant what I said later in childhood. I always followed through.☕💐

And I wouldn’t hit him, but I’m just lost as to what I should actually do. I think this is the issue, when you search on managing toddler behaviour any strategies suggested I’ve already either tried and don’t work, or I know they wouldn’t work, mostly because they wouldn’t be able to be implemented.

It does make you feel absolutely useless and horrible, though.

He spends loads of time outside. It really makes no difference, to the point where I am actually wondering if he’s over stimulated and needs a calmer environment. Maybe I do too much with him? No idea. It’s the one thing I haven’t tried yet.

I had an awful two year old and he eventually grew out of it. It wasn't fun though. Some kids just develop differently but it's worth reading up on their brain development. My other child has been much easier despite the same parenting.

Mine turned out to not like change so consistency was really important for him. We also used to just put him in the garden to tire him out which helped, as did never letting him have sweets and food colourings of any kind. I still remember the pineapple juice incident. I know you're against physical discipline but it might be worth having a clear mental policy e.g. it's ok to prevent them severely injuring themselves or others and you have to count to 10 first. The time thinking does this meet the policy can help you when they're pressing every button you've got.

It's tough (really tough!) but you can get through it. It might take a while.

We also did timeouts in a quiet room. Most people with similar kids had a baby gate on the door so they can see you and chat but not get out.

A friend lent me a book about toddlers. It basically said there's a range of behaviours. 10% of kids are just really easy and anyone could parent them and think they were great parents..at the other end of the scale are the 10% who are not.
If you've tried lots of sound techniques and they haven't worked, I'm going to ask a question instead.
Where do you see his easiest behaviour? When is he happy and occupied?
Personally I found soft play hellish and DD didn't really like being around other children. She was by far happiest at home or in the garden or out somewhere doing her own thing. We both found interaction with other kids the least fun part of many child centered activities.
2 is a brutal age. They're desperate to follow their impulses but frequently don't have the language skills to express themselves or the physical skills. Empathy hasn't really developed either so they're incredibly self centered. All very normal!
My DD wasn't great at transitions between activities and needed lots of signposting and frankly bribery quite often.
If we were stopping doing something good it had to be for something better!

Injuring himself is a worry, he flings himself backwards and has slammed his head onto concrete a few times now.

@Beamur honestly, I think the problem is he’s happy until he isn’t, if you see what I mean?

2 year olds are hard. I've had 4, they come out the other side of it.
Stick firm with rules, you're in charge. Talk about things and distract but bottom line is your word goes. Not being able to contain him isn't great..if you need to, I sit with them on my lap and cross arms over them, but only if there's an immediate danger, otherwise I let them just lie on the floor and have their tantrum. If they keep coming for me I just gently move them away and say no, when you're ready to have kind hands/feet. When they calm down I'll give them a cuddle and say we don't hit because it hurts people, we don't take toys we wait our turn etc. Then we move on and don't dwell. It can just be a blip in an otherwise good day if you take the right mindset.
Do you have much support? How's your mental health? You sound quite low.

Don't give him the reaction. If my 2y 5m throws something away, I say oh that wasn't very nice, and pick it up and take it away. If she hits, I say no, that was unkind, we don't hit. She doesn't always listen but I move her away from me/whoever she has hit, and disengage.
She doesn't bite, we had a very brief phase but after a few sharp no that hurts and moving her away and disengaging she seemed to realise it wasn't going to get her the desired reaction.
My eldest was a demon and I'd often have to leave places with her after a warning. It took ages for her to understand it but in the end, when I told her if you carry on we are leaving, she would knock it on the head and behave. She was definitely my worst, I think the eldest might well be as the younger ones have one to learn from!

Read/ listen to 'there's no such thing as naughty' by Kate Silverton. This really helped with understanding my difficult 2 year old.

And the people who say tire them out...oh my god yes. Eldest was like a big dog that needed to run her energy off or she would be into everything and driving me insane. She used to just break everything she was so destructive.
I would every morning and afternoon take her out for a walk or to the park or swimming just to tire her out as otherwise there was no dealing with her. The other 3 are not the same at all, think the first one was defective 😂. If it helps she's a gorgeous, kind, sweet 13yo now!

Bless you @Zola1 but if a few firm no that hurts worked we really don’t have similar children. The biting has been ongoing for a year now.

Ok. Not much warning presumably.
I guess I am wondering if there are places where his behaviour is easier for you to manage.
He will probably grow out of this as he gets older but that's not helpful for now.
I wonder if some of the strategies parents with children who have oppositional defiant disorder might help? I'm not suggesting your son has this as he's very little and I suspect he's 'just' a toddler with maxed out toddler behaviour, but the behaviours are not that dissimilar and the ability for the child to behave calmly in a very emotionally disordered state might be similar too.
My friends son was diagnosed aged about 12 and she's had to really change the way she is around him.
Another friend had a little boy who was very similar to yours in the very destructive behaviours when he was disregulated, hurled himself on the floor, banged his head on hard surfaces, it was really upsetting for her and alarming to see. There really was no reasoning with him in that state - he did grow out of it, but it was not at all nice at the time.

'Bless you' 😂 keep your patronising attitude. I think you should go and look for a parenting course, nurture is good

Putting your face into a pillow and screaming can help. It’s also okay to use firm but appropriate language about their behaviour while screaming “stop being a fucking nightmare” in your head.

My son was beyond awful from about 2.5 to 3, it was like living with a chimp on speed. He is now a very well behaved and polite 7 year old, some two year olds are the devil incarnate, they’re
not naughty, its just an extremely infuriating stage of development. I have a lovely scar on my leg from my son biting me.

Well, dig aside, I would be up for a parenting course but they mostly seem to be aimed at older children or cost a lot of money. I’ve genuinely been considering SS, that’s how bad it is.

I just wish I’d never had him, to be honest, I know it’s an awful thing to say but the truth is I can see the way my life is heading and I’m powerless to stop it. People say things like ‘well when my child did this I told them no firmly a few times’ - like honestly, I’m the one who is being patronising when I say this is obviously the first thing we’ve tried and it doesn’t fucking work? He pays no fucking attention to me at all unless it’s to attack me when I try to move him away from somewhere or something for his or someone else’s safety. Increasingly I’m finding I can’t physically do this, and that’s going to get worse the older he gets. So in effect it’s him and me trapped in a house together, resenting one another because we both make the other miserable. It’s absolutely fucking shit.

So I am a social worker, nurture is for little ones. Some areas run a course called the incredible years. Ring your children's centre, Google your area parenting courses etc. They're actually quite good and lots of parents get a lot from them. If you still find no success, ring your children's services and ask about early help or a family worker. This isn't social worker level but a bit of targeted work might help if a course doesn't do the job.

I’ve tried googling parenting courses, but the only things that come up are ads or courses that seem aimed at parents with much older children. Not even sure if we have children’s services. I don’t really want support in that sense - I chose to have him and I’ll just have to put up with it.