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Parenting

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Original poster

“You cant force someone to parent”

113 replies

OhMyCherriePie · 09/04/2023 21:50

Or can you? how can I force my ex to take responsibility for the children or at least make him have them overnight? Or any advice how to get over the bitterness and resentment?!

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 10/04/2023 12:48

You need help to overcome the bad experience with SS and trust me I know, I've been in Foster care as a child so I know how shit they can be, but you need help and if your ex isn't willing you have very little choice left.

Comedycook · 10/04/2023 12:49

So what are the LA doing about this?

ADHDadvice · 10/04/2023 12:50

SpecialMangeTout · 10/04/2023 12:45

@ADHDadvice its not because many single MOTHERS dint get a break that it is ok though. And women should just suck it up.

and let’s not kid ourselves it’s parents as if men were experiencing that too….

I agree, 100% there is a massive societal discrepancy here and it should be addressed .

But it sounds like sitting around for the other parent to step up isn't going to work for this situation. So what should OP do? She can't 'pick a different father' as some are suggesting or make him parent.

So looking for alternative Support networks seems like a step that could actually help here - don't you agree?

Interested in this thread?

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Families General parenting
ADHDadvice · 10/04/2023 12:52

OhMyCherriePie · 10/04/2023 12:47

They won't give her a special school she's not at home for the fun of it. She was expected to attend mainstream a mainstream school that said they couldn't meet her needs but LA didn't care and named them anyway she is not able to go there.

Show quote history

Okay, this is progress. The LA have a responsibility to educate your child. Can you reiterate to them the unsuitability of the school?

Could you engage a solicitor to write a letter maybe?

Obviously your child being educated helps you but it's also massively important for the child too so she doesn't get left behind/isolated.

Comedycook · 10/04/2023 12:54

Agree...focus on getting the LA to get her a school place. Tha will give you some time alone and some breathing space.

Forget the ex...he's a waste of space clearly

TomatoSandwiches · 10/04/2023 12:56

If school has reported officially they can not meet need you need to take that decision to appeal/tribunal.
Have you got a special school in mind that would suit her needs op?

Original poster
OhMyCherriePie · 10/04/2023 12:57

Comedycook · 10/04/2023 12:49

So what are the LA doing about this?

Nothing she is home educated now

OP posts:
Original poster
OhMyCherriePie · 10/04/2023 12:57

TomatoSandwiches · 10/04/2023 12:56

If school has reported officially they can not meet need you need to take that decision to appeal/tribunal.
Have you got a special school in mind that would suit her needs op?

No the LA have denied this and said they can meet needs.

OP posts:
Zezet · 10/04/2023 13:02

You can, but only by making your kids suffer for and through it so why would you?

Comedycook · 10/04/2023 13:03

So the school were saying they couldn't meet her needs and the LA were saying that they could?

Is that correct?

ReadersD1gest · 10/04/2023 13:04

OhMyCherriePie · 10/04/2023 12:57

No the LA have denied this and said they can meet needs.

Show quote history

Are there specific ways that they're not doing this?

Original poster
OhMyCherriePie · 10/04/2023 13:07

Comedycook · 10/04/2023 13:03

So the school were saying they couldn't meet her needs and the LA were saying that they could?

Is that correct?

Yes I've been told they can override the school which is what happened

OP posts:
Original poster
OhMyCherriePie · 10/04/2023 13:08

ReadersD1gest · 10/04/2023 13:04

Are there specific ways that they're not doing this?

Show quote history

Yes I have a letter from them saying the school can meet her needs despite the senco telling me they can't..

OP posts:
Comedycook · 10/04/2023 13:10

Ok, you need proper advice and I'm not an expert...but if it was me I would not home educate and I would tell the LA that under no circumstances will I be home educating and they need to find her a school place.

ReadersD1gest · 10/04/2023 13:10

What I mean is; have the LA instructed the school to out some specific measures in place that they've failed to do?

ReadersD1gest · 10/04/2023 13:11

*put

Rainbowsandbutterflies1990 · 10/04/2023 13:13

It's crap but u have to fight the LA, there is charities that deal with this regularly , who will tell u where u stand legally. And help u, Home schooling isn't default option , there is other options, but u have to fight the LA which is stressful and overwhelming but if ur child goes full time school ,this will massively change ur caring responsibilities. And time and give u break. I have disabled child who goes a special school. I really struggle and I have husband who helps so can't relate but I do empathise.

Skybluepinky · 10/04/2023 13:19

U can’t and in forcing matters u could also be putting yr children at risk of neglect.
Its one of the joys of being a single parent u end up doing the job of 2 parents with no downtime.

greyhairnomore · 10/04/2023 13:25

hoven · 10/04/2023 06:45

What was it that made you choose him as the father of your child?

Have you even thought about this question?
Unplanned pregnancy?
You read on here all the time how some men change after children?
Do you think she had children with a loser deliberately?

thedogsmum · 10/04/2023 13:29

As others have said, you need support to get a school place for your disabled child. Maybe post about this specifically? Perhaps send her to school so that the school have to support her or else exclude her, which means that the LA has to try find an alternative place.

Original poster
OhMyCherriePie · 10/04/2023 13:55

ReadersD1gest · 10/04/2023 13:10

What I mean is; have the LA instructed the school to out some specific measures in place that they've failed to do?

I don’t care what they put in place she won’t be going to mainstream. She had a 1:1 all the way through primary school but I was told she wouldn’t get one in secondary because her ehcp has never specified 1:1 even though she’s always had a 30 hour 1:1. I don’t want her in mainstream no matter what is offered. She was already suffering in primary with no friends and spent 75% of the day at her work station with her 1:1 as she couldn’t cope with being in class and would lash out at teachers and other children. Secondary would be much worse.

OP posts:
hoven · 10/04/2023 13:59

@greyhairnomore not deliberately. I asked in order to put things into perspective. Your mistake - you rectify it. It's not the children's fault's so they shouldn't suffer

Comedycook · 10/04/2023 14:01

OhMyCherriePie · 10/04/2023 13:55

I don’t care what they put in place she won’t be going to mainstream. She had a 1:1 all the way through primary school but I was told she wouldn’t get one in secondary because her ehcp has never specified 1:1 even though she’s always had a 30 hour 1:1. I don’t want her in mainstream no matter what is offered. She was already suffering in primary with no friends and spent 75% of the day at her work station with her 1:1 as she couldn’t cope with being in class and would lash out at teachers and other children. Secondary would be much worse.

Show quote history

So there you go...you care much more about her well being than you do about your own downtime

FloatingBean · 10/04/2023 14:15

Have you appealed the EHCP yet? You can appeal for a SS or if there isn’t a school that is appropriate there is EOTAS which you can’t be compelled to deliver or facilitate. You need to ask for an early review and then appeal if necessary. In the meantime you need to stop EHE which by making suitable alternative arrangements relieves the LA of their duty to provide education and force (via judicial review if necessary) the LA to provide provision under s.19 of the Education Act 1996 and anything specified and quantified in F.

A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment via the disabled children’s team for DC1 will help.

GoodChat · 10/04/2023 16:54

OhMyCherriePie · 10/04/2023 12:29

Why not? He wouldn't harm them he doesn't "want nothing to do with them" he just doesn't want to take them or have them overnight he will see them here with ME he won't have them alone he's not abusive to them so they wouldn't be at risk of harm.

They could easily come to harm if he's not prepared to fully care for them, even unintentionally