Toddler refusing to come in from the garden

[Summerheadache]

It’s lovely he’s having a nice time outside but I’m starting to get mildly concerned he’s going to waste away to nothing. Won’t eat, huge tantrums at bedtime because he has to come in, it’s absolutely doing my head in as I’m starting to feel like a prisoner!

Has anyone got the same problem? Tried outdoor picnics and so on and no joy.

I am bit surprised by this set up. He is outside playing. You are inside watching him? This goes on for hours every day?

You need to take back control which is, admittedly, easier said than done but it sounds like he's controlling you.

Tell him that he cannot go outside until he's eaten his breakfast, lunch, snack whatever.

When you want him to come indoors, give him a ten minute , then a five minute then a one minute warning so that he can adjust.
Maybe use a child friendly clock as a visual cue.

He's refusing to eat because he wants to be in control. He's probably thinking, 'if I refuse to eat, she'll let me back out.'

Bring him in early that way he has time to calm down and then hopefully eat. Do you think he would be better with a schedule? ie he is outside for x amount of time, then inside for whatever he loves most inside, then food. I don't mean to the exact minute but a general idea of what is happening and when.

Do you also count him down? Like 5 minutes left outside, then 4 minutes, then 3? We have all wrestled toddlers at some point. No it isn't fun but boundaries need to be set.

It can, why does it surprise you? I mean that genuinely, not in an arsey aggressive way.

We have a pretty big garden and he’s loads of toys out there like a Little Tykes car he loves sitting in, toy lawn mower, he likes pretending to water the grass with his little watering can and filling this truck he has with stones. He just seems to enjoy exploring and wandering. I don’t see it as hugely different to if he was inside playing with ‘indoor’ toys, the door is open, he’s in plain sight, the garden is secure.

I mean, it isn’t all he does all week but he is keen to get out there in the morning and definitely reluctant to come in once he is out there!

What is surprising? It is great that he can entertain himself, his Mum can see him from the conservatory which I assume has a lot of glass. He isn't cooking meth out there.

What he’s doing out there sounds lovely. But if you need him in, just pick him up if he won’t come in?

When he's out there playing, give him a sandwich/yogurt/fruit/snack, and tell him he MUST eat those things or he won't be able to stay out there. If he refuses, bring him in, shut him indoors and wait for him to eat them.

This sounds like a problem I'd love to have!

Tell him he has to have breakfast before he goes out to play. Leave him some snacks for lunch on a plate outside. For dinner make food then join him in the garden to eat.

It's really healthy for him to be playing independently outside so give yourself a pat on the back.

He'll get bored of it soon enough and move onto the next phase.

He'll eat enough to keep himself going so I really don't think you need to worry, easier said than done I know.

You are the parent, so parent. Bring him in, if he tantrums and won’t eat then he goes to bed hungry. Remain consistent in all areas of your behaviour management, don’t make threats, tell him what you will do and follow through with it. He will quickly learn if you don’t give mixed messages and do as you say you will do

It’s definitely not the worst thing he could be doing! It’s just that he’s getting very difficult to feed I get what people are saying about just forcing him in but the problem is that just enforces a battle about mealtimes which obviously I’d prefer to avoid.

At any rate he came in fine just now but he still has barely touched his dinner.

It's quite common for them to go through phases of eating very little, I'd treat it as a separate thing from the coming in. He could be coming down with something or he might just have a really small appetite at the moment. Don't stress! A healthy child without dietary restrictions won't starve themselves.

I'd give him a clear time frame using pictures we are outside until mummy calls or the alarm rings then it's 5 minutes to finish playing then we are in for tea...prewarn him you have 1 more minute then call him in giving him something nice to do like help you butter bread be upbeat and fun...if he doesn't come in carry him say I know your angry but it's bed time. Then up to him eat or not no fuss or attention same at bedtime he will slowly get it.

Thanks, I think I just worry as he does have a good appetite but gets very tied up in other things and then doesn’t eat, which is annoying.

One minute doesn’t mean much at this age though, and even with warnings he can become a tad irate!

Hopefully it’s just a phase, definitely easier than keeping toddlers entertained in winter. Just find myself stressing he’s living on fresh air and bedtimes are a battle when that’s always gone so well.

I would give him a consequence, if he doesn’t come in and eat this food then he can not go outside tomorrow. Tell him while he is outside and happy so he can make the decision.

when it reaches tomorrow and you tell him again why he can’t go out he will soon change his tune.

Do you think that would work? I just don’t see that he’d remember at this age, and it seems more of a punishment for me!

When you've come in to eat your lunch/dinner/tea/whatever then you can go back outside for half an hours play before it's time for to come back in/bed/go to grandmas/whatever

I would tell him you want him to play outside and that you aren't doing meals today - I bet he'd then want to come in and eat.

That’s actually a really good idea 😂

It could be possible he's trying to control his home life because you are obviously pregnant. He feels safe at home to let off steam and push mum's buttons because he knows mum loves him regardless.
Hope he settles down soon for you.

I am not doubting he is safe, I am just surprised that he plays all alone for long periods at this age, I would expect him ( and you) to want interaction

What about a timer, before you go out tell him how long he has and set the timer together ?

Thanks - he’s a lovely boy mostly, just really opinionated at the moment shall we say …

Try it tomorrow and report back!

@Nimbostratus100 he does. I mean, his week is interspersed with a variety of activities but at home free play is almost all outside and he wanders in and out and so do I but I don’t hover over him when he’s clearly happy playing.

A typical week involves a mix of nursery, library, swimming, some toddler classes, park, trips out to farms and so on. He isn’t left in the garden from 7-7, although some days it feels like it!

But on Monday for instance he came home from nursery at about 315 and I couldn’t get him in for dinner and he had an enormous tantrum when I tried, really never seen him quite that bad before. Same happened Tuesday. Today wouldn’t eat dinner. So it was starting to concern me a bit. I saw on a Facebook group a not totally dissimilar problem where a little girl was refusing to go to bed as it wasn’t dark and wondered if anyone else was having similar struggles. I have to admit I hadn’t linked it to the pregnancy but could well be - he’s also going through a phase of wanting his dad a lot although he’s always been a bit of a mummy’s boy.