In-laws insist on kissing 2yo on lips

[LetsGoDadding]

Hi all,

I know there's nothing actually sinister about grandparents kissing their grandchildren on the lips, but it's just not something I'm comfortable with.

My wife kisses our 2yo on the lips, and while I think it's unusual I don't mind. She says she'll 'obviously' stop when he starts school as 'not everyone does it'.

She defends her parents' right to do it 'to show their love and affection', but there are plenty of other ways to do that.

For me it's not a pleasant sight, and I think it has the potential to confuse the child as they learn what they should and shouldn't allow adults to do with them.

As a result my son tries quite forcefully to kiss me on the lips now, so I've no doubt it happens with other people.

Surely if one parent is uncomfortable with it happening, it's a bit more important that a grandparent's need to do it? They know I don't like it, and the main thing I don't get is why it's so essential for to them to do this.

I've asked my wife if they can stop, but she won't take it up with them and says it's my hang-up. If I take it up with them directly I can guarantee problems!

Nobody should be kissing a child on the lips.

I think YANBU - especially if your son is now forcefully trying to kiss you on the lips and you're uncomfortable with it, perhaps start explaining consent and that you don't want to do that. It might give him the ability to stop it happening if he's uncomfortable with it! I don't see the necessity of grandparents kissing children on the lips, it seems weird to me. That's just my personal opinion and I'm sure others think it's perfectly normal.

My main concern would be that your son isn't forced into it (and modelling that behaviour by trying to force you) or being told that's how you show love - it should be totally optional and within his control imo.

Erm, that’s a no from me.

I have two kids, DS who is one in two weeks and DD who is two next month. I try not to kiss them on the lips but it does happen sometimes if they move their head too quickly.

I would not be happy with anyone else (other than their dad) kissing them on the lips. If one parent is against it, it should really be nipped in the bud asap. Not sure why your wife insists that her parents should do it too, that’s so strange.

I also don’t think it’s great that your son is forcefully trying to kiss you on the lips. Your wife sounds like she has no interest in listening to your concerns and what you’re comfortable with so I really don’t know what you can do!

It gives me an odd, sad little pain in my guts to think of your child trying to kiss you and you turning away from them.

I kiss my children all the time. I don’t think a lot about whether it’s on the lips or not. It’s natural to do so and it’s not weird in the slightest. Kisses don’t have to be sexual (that’s why you don’t like it, right?).

It's really up to your son.

If he's happy kissing his mum and grandparents on the lips then it's fine. If he isn't he should be empowered to tell them to stop and they should listen. The same with kisses on the cheek or cuddles or any other type of affection.

The very best way to do this is to lead by example. So tell him he can't kiss you on the lips because you don't like it. Not because it's wrong/weird, just simply because you don't like it.

I don't think he needs to stop kissing his grandparents/being kissed by his grandparents because you don't like it. That's between them and him.

I’m with you OP, I don’t kiss children on the lips.
Lots of people do though… I saw my SIL (adult) give her father a peck on the lips once.. very odd.

Hope you recover from your sadness soon.

If my DS tried to kiss me on the lips I’d (very nicely) say to kiss me on the cheek instead.

It’s important for kids to know that both people have to be happy with kisses/hugs/ etc. It’s called consent.

I agree with you OP. As a child, I kissed adults on the lips to say goodbye, along with “goodbye hugs”. I was conditioned to do it but I actually really didn’t like it, although you wouldn’t have been able to tell that I don’t think.

I have never ever encouraged my children to hug, and certainly not to kiss, any adults. They hug me because they want to, same with any other family members. One of my DC is a hugger generally , but that is spontaneous.

I HATE it when people encourage their DC to hug me, even in a “say hello to Auntie Spaniel” sort of way. That is because of my own experience.

The grandparents are doing it for their own benefit not for your DS. What if he doesn’t want to at some point? It’s pretty expected now it seems.

(This applies to kisses as well as hugs)

It’s a pretty quick way to spread illness as well.

You're allowed to tell your DC that you don't want a kiss on the lips. You be should make sure they know that they do not have to kiss anyone that they don't want to. However I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with it. I give my mum a peck sometimes, and my Nanna, but not other family members. It's possible to learn that different people like different things.

This
Don't get why people are so grossed out
I'm with you on this

Or are you the odd one ?

I'm with you OP - frankly it's very weird to assert affection on a child by kissing them on the lips...for that matter anyone that you're not in an intimate relationship with.

This is gross 🤮 Kissing children especially babies on the lips is disgusting. You have some delinquent creepy adults on here though that will shout you down for saying this though as they see kissing babies on the lips as their right.

No 😁
this could go on for a while 😂

I’m not a fan of the lips kissing thing either, my brother in law went to give my toddler one on the lips with a blistering cold sore, I whipped her away as I saw it coming and I was in the bad books for a long time because it was taken as Offensive but needless to say it wouldn’t be him looking after a miserable child in pain with a cold sore or worse when he passed it on . I assume cold sores are not necessarily your grievance but at the same time, something else to consider with the lip kissing if anyone suffers from them. Regardless of what others do or don’t like, really if one parent dosent like it it should be stopped when It’s just an unnecessary thing really! 🤷🏼‍♀️

Creepy BIL.

I'm in agreement with this!
I have a 2 year old (nearly 3) and I've never thought about it being gross or weird

If his dad puts him to bed it's 'come give mummy a kiss and cuddle goodnight'. Sometimes he says no, and that's fine. Sometimes he gives me his forehead to kiss, also fine. Sometimes he gives me a lovely slobbery 2 year old kiss. Also fine, he's a child 😂

I personally don't see what's so weird about it and agree with above comment tbh

But I mean if you're uncomfortable with it then you need to have a proper conversation with your wife. Seems more like a communication issue?

I think you are overthinking it OP. Let them be. It’s not sexual and germs are great to strengthen the immune system. Today’s children are not exposed to enough germs, that is why there is a big increase in asthma, hay fever, eczema etc

I think it's something thats gone out of fashion over the years. I can remember both sets of grandparents wanting to kiss me on the lips as a kid, and I disliked it. I think it's just something that used to happen, but times change.

I don't think theres anything neccesarily wrong with it, it's certainly not a sexual thing. But if you or your child don't like it, then say so!

I'd never push him away. It's usually when we're hugging – and if he tries, I'll just move slightly, kiss him on the cheek and he's just as happy.

He's still learning to talk, so he's not old enough to decide or tell people how he feels about it.

Parents, I think are perfectly fine if they want to do this. I also have no problem at all if some people like others kissing their child on the lips – if both parents are comfortable with it.

If a parent's simply not comfortable with it, why would anyone want to vehemently argue that it should be imposed? Why's it so important to push a non-parent's right to kiss someone's young child on the lips?

A parent doesn't always need to justify what they're comfortable with their child doing. The problem is not 'sexual', it's more about blurring the lines of relationships during critical development – and watching an old man kissing a 2yo boy on the lips does jar a bit.

Yuck!

We kiss the kids on the lips, it's a total non issue.

Why though?