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Original poster

In-laws insist on kissing 2yo on lips

90 replies

LetsGoDadding · 06/04/2023 11:39

Hi all,

I know there's nothing actually sinister about grandparents kissing their grandchildren on the lips, but it's just not something I'm comfortable with.

My wife kisses our 2yo on the lips, and while I think it's unusual I don't mind. She says she'll 'obviously' stop when he starts school as 'not everyone does it'.

She defends her parents' right to do it 'to show their love and affection', but there are plenty of other ways to do that.

For me it's not a pleasant sight, and I think it has the potential to confuse the child as they learn what they should and shouldn't allow adults to do with them.

As a result my son tries quite forcefully to kiss me on the lips now, so I've no doubt it happens with other people.

Surely if one parent is uncomfortable with it happening, it's a bit more important that a grandparent's need to do it? They know I don't like it, and the main thing I don't get is why it's so essential for to them to do this.

I've asked my wife if they can stop, but she won't take it up with them and says it's my hang-up. If I take it up with them directly I can guarantee problems!

OP posts:
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coodawoodashooda · 07/04/2023 13:00

ItsCalledAConversation · 06/04/2023 13:03

It gives me an odd, sad little pain in my guts to think of your child trying to kiss you and you turning away from them.

I kiss my children all the time. I don’t think a lot about whether it’s on the lips or not. It’s natural to do so and it’s not weird in the slightest. Kisses don’t have to be sexual (that’s why you don’t like it, right?).

Very well written.

NurseNeerDoWell · 07/04/2023 13:07

The two year old in my family will
currently only kiss people on the lips. Completely refuses cheek kisses! Only on Mumsnet would it be trashy/lower class/not known whether your own close relatives have been secretly drinking or smoking in presumably daytime if a toddler is around ffs.

Toiletfriend · 07/04/2023 14:43

I kiss my cat on the lips 👀😂

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Biffatcrafts · 07/04/2023 14:56

Maybe I am old, boring and (possibly) a bit staid, but to me lips are for kissing partners, husbands, wives, significant others, call them what you will, but not for kissing children, grandchildren etc. and definitely not for kissing someone else's children. Apart from risks to babies (herpes etc) it just makes me shudder inside if I see an older person (not the actual parent) kissing a child on the lips. I would never say anything, and do feel everyone has the right to do what is normal for them, but for me and my family it is a big, shuddering, no.

pizzaHeart · 07/04/2023 15:03

I don’t like it and agree with you, OP. It’s absolutely unnecessary. And I don’t like this kissing nonsense between adults too, I’m capable of saying Hello happily enough, why should I kiss somebody?
And I’m not British by birth.

elm26 · 07/04/2023 15:28

EJRB · 07/04/2023 10:51

Only me and DP kiss our child and that’s only ever on the cheek

if ANYBODY else kissed him especially on the lips they would see a different side to me. Don’t pass on your trashy germs to my kid and second of all respect my wishes

i think you need to tell them yourself not to do it. Your job isn’t to please them it’s to protect your child

You'd stop their grandparents or siblings kissing their cheek???

Some weird views here in my opinion. I grew up kissing on lips until I was about 3 or 4 probably, all the kids in my family are like it and once they stop that's it, there's no forcing.

I can't wait for my little girl to be born next month so I can smother her in all the kisses! (Obviously not on the lips with a newborn and no to family doing that too as it's dangerous).

elm26 · 07/04/2023 15:30

Sittwritt · 07/04/2023 11:17

Yuck, this is an English thing. Very frowned upon where I was born, in fact no one does this but even parents. Gross 🤮 Hiw can children know healthy boundaries when they go on ‘daddy dates’ and gave grandpa kiss them yuck beyond compare

This kind of post really concerns me, why are you sexualising children kissing/showing affection?

AhNowTed · 07/04/2023 15:39

I still kiss my father on the lips and I'm 58.

This post is so depressing.

HappyMe6 · 07/04/2023 15:43

nah not a fan of people kissing children on the lips. Agree with you op.

thegrain · 07/04/2023 15:43

NO! YOU MUST STOP IT! Seriously that's how they get cold sores.

Babyroobs · 07/04/2023 16:40

thegrain · 07/04/2023 15:43

NO! YOU MUST STOP IT! Seriously that's how they get cold sores.

My mum was always very keen for older relatives not to kiss us on the lips for this reason. my dad and his side of the family suffered a life time of cold sores and they are horrible things. It has always stuck in my mind from childhood .

Irritateandunreasonable · 07/04/2023 16:43

It’s so sad that so many peoples heads go to such a dark place when a parent is sharing such an innocent show of affection with their children.

it’s the times we live in I suppose.

Irritateandunreasonable · 07/04/2023 16:44

elm26 · 07/04/2023 15:30

This kind of post really concerns me, why are you sexualising children kissing/showing affection?

Show quote history

Yes - just so sad & bizarre isn’t it.

SylvanianFrenemies · 07/04/2023 16:52

As long as your son is happy it is a non issue.
Of course you can say to him "I don't like kisses on the lips". But please don't project your hang ups onto others and interfere with normal familial affection.

Gooseysgirl · 07/04/2023 16:53

Awful.. I was made to do this as a child at bedtime to say good night when we had aunts and uncles visiting and fucking hated it.

Gooseysgirl · 07/04/2023 16:57

I should clarify by saying that it's awful when forced to do it! With very little kids it's a bit different, my son used to kiss me on the lips as a toddler.. fine.. but when he stopped I didn't ask him to do it again.

CKL987 · 07/04/2023 18:29

Crikey, what is wrong with many of you? Do you not like lip kissing because you think it is a sexual thing? I have young relatives and friend's children who when I go to give them a kiss and cuddle goodbye they kiss my lips. I go with what they want to do and are comfortable with and as they are in control of the kiss, as in I let them guide where the kiss is, when they no longer want to kiss my lips they will not. It's just like how they are in control of if they even want to give me a kiss and a cuddle when saying goodbye. They are in control and fully decide from a consent point of view.

Sittwritt · 07/04/2023 18:42

So good for you in big guiding them.

My concern is when the adults don’t allow a choice.

Its bacteria, sexual and just plain yuck.

FoolsOld · 07/04/2023 18:43

Genuinely shocked at this thread. I kiss my six year old DS on the lips every day! Multiple times. He's never made to kiss relatives though.

SchoolTripDrama · 07/04/2023 21:31

Bonbon21 · 06/04/2023 12:31

Nobody should be kissing a child on the lips.

This! With bells on!!!!!! It's disgusting & disturbing

SchoolTripDrama · 07/04/2023 21:37

SpringBlossomJoy · 06/04/2023 13:47

I think you are overthinking it OP. Let them be. It’s not sexual and germs are great to strengthen the immune system. Today’s children are not exposed to enough germs, that is why there is a big increase in asthma, hay fever, eczema etc

That is NOT how immune systems work ffs! 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

Also, if somebody has a cold sore and does it and the child has never had a cold sore before, it could give them a primary outbreak. My baby nearly died when she was 7 months old from getting a cold sore and I am SICK. To fucking DEATH of people telling me I'm being ridiculous when I talk about kids & cold sores. You'd be shocked if you knew how many babies have died from it.

SchoolTripDrama · 07/04/2023 21:38

raffle · 06/04/2023 15:31

We kiss the kids on the lips, it's a total non issue.

Revolting

Babyroobs · 07/04/2023 21:39

CKL987 · 07/04/2023 18:29

Crikey, what is wrong with many of you? Do you not like lip kissing because you think it is a sexual thing? I have young relatives and friend's children who when I go to give them a kiss and cuddle goodbye they kiss my lips. I go with what they want to do and are comfortable with and as they are in control of the kiss, as in I let them guide where the kiss is, when they no longer want to kiss my lips they will not. It's just like how they are in control of if they even want to give me a kiss and a cuddle when saying goodbye. They are in control and fully decide from a consent point of view.

I really dislike seeing it. It's not because I see it as a sexual things at all, just more the infection risk really. Why would you put a young child at risk of your germs/ viruses like that when it's so unnecessary and you can just peck them on the cheek instead ? I just remember as a child my mum being very aware that cold sores are passed on and why would you risk giving a small child a virus for life like that ? It's just common sense. Fair enough if you want to kiss an adult on the lips you are old enough to know the risk but not a young child. There's plenty of other ways to show affection without needing to transfer saliva to a small child !! It's just so unecessary.

SchoolTripDrama · 07/04/2023 21:39

giraffes2021 · 06/04/2023 23:37

Christ!!! I kiss both my babies on the lips 3 & 5 year old every single day! I still give my mum a kiss and I'm 34 never thought it weird I love giving my babies a kissy!
I must be weird 🤣

Jesus Christ on a bike you kiss your MOTHER on the LIPS???????????
🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢

Babyroobs · 07/04/2023 21:40

SchoolTripDrama · 07/04/2023 21:37

That is NOT how immune systems work ffs! 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

Also, if somebody has a cold sore and does it and the child has never had a cold sore before, it could give them a primary outbreak. My baby nearly died when she was 7 months old from getting a cold sore and I am SICK. To fucking DEATH of people telling me I'm being ridiculous when I talk about kids & cold sores. You'd be shocked if you knew how many babies have died from it.

Show quote history

Exactly - it's bloody crazy putting kids / babies at risk like this. I just don't understand why people would do it ? No common sense.

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