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Original poster

In-laws insist on kissing 2yo on lips

90 replies

LetsGoDadding · 06/04/2023 11:39

Hi all,

I know there's nothing actually sinister about grandparents kissing their grandchildren on the lips, but it's just not something I'm comfortable with.

My wife kisses our 2yo on the lips, and while I think it's unusual I don't mind. She says she'll 'obviously' stop when he starts school as 'not everyone does it'.

She defends her parents' right to do it 'to show their love and affection', but there are plenty of other ways to do that.

For me it's not a pleasant sight, and I think it has the potential to confuse the child as they learn what they should and shouldn't allow adults to do with them.

As a result my son tries quite forcefully to kiss me on the lips now, so I've no doubt it happens with other people.

Surely if one parent is uncomfortable with it happening, it's a bit more important that a grandparent's need to do it? They know I don't like it, and the main thing I don't get is why it's so essential for to them to do this.

I've asked my wife if they can stop, but she won't take it up with them and says it's my hang-up. If I take it up with them directly I can guarantee problems!

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NuffSaidSam · 06/04/2023 19:30

If a parent's simply not comfortable with it, why would anyone want to vehemently argue that it should be imposed? Why's it so important to push a non-parent's right to kiss someone's young child on the lips?

It shouldn't be imposed. Ever. If your son doesn't like it, then it stops.

But it's about your son and his comfort level. Not you and your comfort level. Or the grandparents and their comfort level. It's not about what you want or what they want. That's what you need to understand.

If he likes kissing his grandpa then he can, it's his body and his business. He doesn't have to kiss someone or not kiss someone because you don't like it. It's not about you.

The fact that he can't speak is irrelevant really, kids are quite able to express their wishes without speech! If he ever seems uncomfortable, unhappy, if he's ever being physically forced into the kiss, then absolutely right to stop it. If they're saying 'can I have a kiss?' and he's going in for one on the lips then that's fine. The fact that he tries to kiss you on the lips suggests he's enjoying it with other family members and wants you to join in.

Tourmalines · 06/04/2023 23:30

NuffSaidSam · 06/04/2023 19:30

If a parent's simply not comfortable with it, why would anyone want to vehemently argue that it should be imposed? Why's it so important to push a non-parent's right to kiss someone's young child on the lips?

It shouldn't be imposed. Ever. If your son doesn't like it, then it stops.

But it's about your son and his comfort level. Not you and your comfort level. Or the grandparents and their comfort level. It's not about what you want or what they want. That's what you need to understand.

If he likes kissing his grandpa then he can, it's his body and his business. He doesn't have to kiss someone or not kiss someone because you don't like it. It's not about you.

The fact that he can't speak is irrelevant really, kids are quite able to express their wishes without speech! If he ever seems uncomfortable, unhappy, if he's ever being physically forced into the kiss, then absolutely right to stop it. If they're saying 'can I have a kiss?' and he's going in for one on the lips then that's fine. The fact that he tries to kiss you on the lips suggests he's enjoying it with other family members and wants you to join in.

This

Babyroobs · 06/04/2023 23:33

Horrible. And putting them at risk of cold sores etc.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

2 year olds Behaviour & development Families General parenting
giraffes2021 · 06/04/2023 23:37

Christ!!! I kiss both my babies on the lips 3 & 5 year old every single day! I still give my mum a kiss and I'm 34 never thought it weird I love giving my babies a kissy!
I must be weird 🤣

tobeornottobe1 · 06/04/2023 23:43

I kissed MY babies on the lips, as they got elder It moved to the cheek, now I barely get a hug from my eldest! Don't think it's weird that a mother shows her child love in that way.

Putple · 06/04/2023 23:44

I always thought it wasn't advisable to kiss kids on the lips because of the bacteria we have in our mouths can cause cavities?

ladykale · 06/04/2023 23:49

I actually don't love kissing babies or kids on the lips but my daughter gives the biggest & sloppiest open mouth kisses, and while I find it a bit gross, I would never turn down a kiss from my baby so I allow it with a smile (and then go and dry my face!)

I don't think it's a big deal at this stage truthfully. It's a way of showing affection, but I would ask rhem not to more out of concern re: cold sores etc

ariaknox · 06/04/2023 23:53

I kiss my son and daughter on the lips
Son 3 , daughter 1
Doesn't bother me
Doesn't bother them
Sometimes it's a cheek or forehead kiss
Sometimes I don't even get a kiss sometimes I get tongue 🤮
Kids are weird
My husband pecks our kids on the lips too
It's not weird for us

However

If my parents or my husbands parents kissed them on their lips we both would say No
That's weird for me
If anyone besides us tried to kiss them on the lips I would not allow it at all
You don't know what illnesses they could catch or if that persons been smoking or drinking or just anything

I do remember telling my mother and my sister in law off for trying to kiss my babies on the lips when they were younger and everyone knows that it's not okay now
They're welcome to kiss on the head or cheek if my child allows it otherwise hard luck
Same goes with us if my son doesn't want a kiss that's all fine

My son tried kissing my sister on the lips when he was small and she taught him that she only likes cheek kisses so now he makes sure to kiss her only on the cheek

Babyroobs · 06/04/2023 23:55

Putple · 06/04/2023 23:44

I always thought it wasn't advisable to kiss kids on the lips because of the bacteria we have in our mouths can cause cavities?

It's on the same kind of level as those parents who pick up the dummy off the floor when baby/ toddler has dropped it, stuff it in their own mouth, give it a suck then stick it back in babies mouth !

Almie · 07/04/2023 00:07

My 1 year old noticed me and my husband kissing each other on the lips (as in a peck... we're not necking off in front of the baby!), so now our son will unexpectedly plant kisses on our lips. I don't find it remotely weird, and I'm surprised by the strength of feeling of some PPs... it's not an attitude I've ever encountered in real life.

However, my husband and I have never been keen on kissing him on the lips as I don't want him to pick up cold sores. Both our families know my paranoia well enough to quickly turn their face so he lands on the cheek rather than the lips 🤣 he's never once been asked to give anyone a kiss, he just does it of his own accord. He is constantly kissing his teddy bears at the moment, or just any toy with a face really. It is quite adorable tbh.

My mum came up with the idea of teaching him to blow kisses, which has curbed his enthusiasm for properly kissing people quite a lot (though the teddy bears are still not safe). Maybe it's something you could try with your son OP if it makes you feel more comfortable?

Tbh I'm not that worried about him kissing me or my husband on the lips as he's older now and cold sores are less scary (and we don't get them anyway), though we don't encourage it. But I don't fancy the idea of him walking round kissing every toddler he meets at groups or soft play, so I'm glad we've found a way to redirect the energy 🤣

caringcarer · 07/04/2023 00:36

Giving a child a kiss on the cheek is just as loving.

EJRB · 07/04/2023 10:51

Only me and DP kiss our child and that’s only ever on the cheek

if ANYBODY else kissed him especially on the lips they would see a different side to me. Don’t pass on your trashy germs to my kid and second of all respect my wishes

i think you need to tell them yourself not to do it. Your job isn’t to please them it’s to protect your child

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 07/04/2023 10:54

NuffSaidSam · 06/04/2023 13:05

It's really up to your son.

If he's happy kissing his mum and grandparents on the lips then it's fine. If he isn't he should be empowered to tell them to stop and they should listen. The same with kisses on the cheek or cuddles or any other type of affection.

The very best way to do this is to lead by example. So tell him he can't kiss you on the lips because you don't like it. Not because it's wrong/weird, just simply because you don't like it.

I don't think he needs to stop kissing his grandparents/being kissed by his grandparents because you don't like it. That's between them and him.

You can’t be serious. You honestly believe that it is up to a two year old to police their own sexual boundaries. Because that’s what kissing on the lips is.

Are you a friend of Aida H…….?

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 07/04/2023 10:58

@Sorry @NuffSaidSam

i see I am in the minority here. Lots of posters are bringing up their kids to kiss people on the lips, it appears.

😦

I suppose the audience has to come from somewhere.

sugarspices · 07/04/2023 10:59

I'm obviously the outlier here but will be kissing my baby all over the face! I'm late twenties and my dad still kisses me on the lips or cheek 😂 it's clearly not a sexual thing!

maddy68 · 07/04/2023 11:12

I don't live in the uk but it's common place rob kiss on a check on greeting people. Even those you don't know. And very common fir friends to kiss each other on the lips my friendship group do all the time including the children

Brits are so uptight

Almie · 07/04/2023 11:15

maddy68 · 07/04/2023 11:12

I don't live in the uk but it's common place rob kiss on a check on greeting people. Even those you don't know. And very common fir friends to kiss each other on the lips my friendship group do all the time including the children

Brits are so uptight

Yes I'm wondering about the cultural side of this too - though I'm totally boring British, and kissing on the lips is very normal amongst everyone I know so I'm not sure what's going on there 🤣

I'm now down a google rabbit hole though, firstly about the amount of cultures who view platonic kissing on the lips as totally normal, but also the significant proportion of cultures who do not kiss on the lips as a platonic OR a romantic/sexual thing at all! Really interesting.

Sittwritt · 07/04/2023 11:17

Yuck, this is an English thing. Very frowned upon where I was born, in fact no one does this but even parents. Gross 🤮 Hiw can children know healthy boundaries when they go on ‘daddy dates’ and gave grandpa kiss them yuck beyond compare

NuffSaidSam · 07/04/2023 11:25

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 07/04/2023 10:54

You can’t be serious. You honestly believe that it is up to a two year old to police their own sexual boundaries. Because that’s what kissing on the lips is.

Are you a friend of Aida H…….?

Show quote history

If you find giving your two year old child/grandchild a kiss on the lips a sexual experience, you need to seek help immediately.

This is a very concerning post.

It must be hard for you to understand how 'normal' people feel, but no, they're not experiencing sexual feelings when kissing a child.

I hope you can access the help you need.

amylou8 · 07/04/2023 11:30

What a sad reflection of what our society has become. They will not catch plauge from a kiss by grandma, nor are they are not being assaulted/violated. Give your head a wobble.

Babyroobs · 07/04/2023 11:36

Sittwritt · 07/04/2023 11:17

Yuck, this is an English thing. Very frowned upon where I was born, in fact no one does this but even parents. Gross 🤮 Hiw can children know healthy boundaries when they go on ‘daddy dates’ and gave grandpa kiss them yuck beyond compare

Agree it's horrible and I think ( from experience) more of a lower / working class thing to do ?

newtb · 07/04/2023 11:38

Yuck from me, too. I really don't like seeing it either. Only with someone with whom I'm in a relationship with for me.

CovertImage · 07/04/2023 12:06

maddy68 · 07/04/2023 11:12

I don't live in the uk but it's common place rob kiss on a check on greeting people. Even those you don't know. And very common fir friends to kiss each other on the lips my friendship group do all the time including the children

Brits are so uptight

I'm british and completely agree. Everyone in my Northern social circle kisses on the lips but not my Southern friends. I think the weird thing is thinking that it's sexual in any way.

MN is open-minded about so many things but oddly prudish about others

itsabigtree · 07/04/2023 12:41

Very strange that you think a mum kissing her toddler on the lips is unusual!

To the people insinuating that it's sexual.... you're gross!

GodspeedJune · 07/04/2023 12:59

Ugh no that is extremely gross. I agree with you OP that if you’re uncomfortable with it, it shouldn’t be happening. Your son doesn’t understand that he can catch cold sores and other nasties, it’s your job to protect him.