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Opinions on DS's teacher pls
Doodadidooda · 18/03/2023 03:05
DS turned 7 last year and started a new class with a new teacher last year. Unfortunately it's not going so well, academically he is very strong but he is regularly getting into trouble because of his behaviour (he is energetic, headstrong, impulsive, sensitive, immature for his age). I got following message from his teacher today (slightly shortened) and would love your opinion on it as I don't know what to say to her:
"DS was sent out from class today for inappropriate behaviour. Two other children had behaved badly during recess and I was talking about it to the class and they were in the process of apologising to each other, when DS started laughing loudly. I asked him to go out into the corridor but he refused to obey. I insisted because I thought his behaviour was ugly and unacceptable. After waiting a long time he finally went. He was repeatedly trying to explain why he shouldn't be sent out. In the corridor he was screaming and jumping around but stayed a short while with the door open".
When DS came home he said the teacher was talking about the two boys fighting and one gave the other boy the "bad finger" and that's when DS started laughing. When the teacher told him to get out he had tried to explain to the teacher that he would be able to be quiet, but because he's terrified of being sent out I'm guessing that at this point he was so upset he couldn't express himself. In the beginning the teacher started sending him out as a punishment but for whatever reason it must terrify him so he started having meltdowns, so she stopped doing it. Instead we agreed she would inform me if he behaved badly and I would give him a consequence at home and she hasn't since 7/2. But now she suddenly starts doing it again based on him laughing, I don't know, too loudly? I feel she is not consistent and can she not try a different method as it was clearly not working? Also why did the two boys get the chance to explain and apologise but not DS who btw wasn't laughing maliciously although she might have thought so but didn't bother finding out? It's not the first time I've questioned her methods but have always supported her although it's been causing a lot of stress and tension with DS at home but now I just feel like giving up...
WonderingWanda · 18/03/2023 09:52
JustAnotherManicNameChange · 18/03/2023 08:24
The teacher told the two children off in front of the whole class(that's how he got "involved") . No one gave OP's son the finger. That's what the children that behaved badly did, and what according to OP's son what he laughed at -When the teacher mentioned the "bad finger". Then he was sent out on the corridor for laughing.
How many kids have you sent out of class alone as a behaviour management policy?
WonderingWanda · 18/03/2023 08:02
I am a teacher and I would and have disciplined children for trying to get involved when I am managing the behaviour of other students. It was none of his business and if he'd left the room when he was meant the other child wouldn't have been able to give him the finger.
What also jumped out of your post that others have commented on is that your child's behaviour is unusual. Being terrified of being sent out but behaving badly and refusing to follow instructions doesn't really add up. It it actually the case that he has learnt if he comes home and cries to you that it was scary and unfair you will complain to the teacher and get him off the hook? Or is it that there is some sort of neurodiveristy that you've not mentioned here so part of a bigger issue? You said he has meltdowns, have you sought any support about this?
I would still agree in those circumstances that it was fine for the teacher to remove op's child from the room. He was being disruptive, then refused to leave and then continued to be disruptive in the corridor. All of that behaviour is really concerning.
In answer to your question a lot, I work in Secondary and this is very common. What about all those children sat down listening quietly to the teacher, did they need a further display of disobedience to witness?
Mumof3teenagers · 18/03/2023 09:58
I agree with pp, children need immediate consequences for their behaviour. It is a teachers job to teach children how to behave in class as well as educate them academically.
Waiting for you to give consequences at home will not work!
You are being very unreasonable expecting your child to get away with unacceptable behaviour in the classroom and not expect the teacher to deal with it. Your child will have no respect for authority if you continue as you are.
Let the teacher do get job.
MelchiorsMistress · 18/03/2023 10:00
You need to focus on your son’s behaviour instead of the teachers.
Even if your son had valid reason for behaving disruptively in class, if the teacher felt he needed to leave the room then that’s her decision and it should be supported. It may be that it wasn’t the ideal strategy for your son but the teacher has to balance his needs with those of the rest of the class who don’t deserve their lesson to be taken over by one child demanding all the attention. There is only so much one woman can do when she has a room full of children who need teaching.
CaptainMyCaptain · 18/03/2023 10:02
gogohmm · 18/03/2023 03:51
The actions of the teacher seemed entirely appropriate to me. She was dealing with another incident when he started laughing, asking him to wait outside whilst she finished dealing with the other two kids is seems highly practical. Your ds needs immediate consequences not you being informed later. The rest of the class needs the teachers time too
This. Your boy behaved badly undermining the teacher trying to discipline other children. He needs to behave better.
Choconut · 18/03/2023 10:19
So you think that if only the teacher had known that he was laughing loudly at unacceptable behaviour (giving the finger) the teacher would have said 'oh that's ok then' and maybe joined in with the laughter herself? No, she was trying to discipline others and he was laughing loudly, it was completely inappropriate. - and laughing at bad behaviour is even worse as it just encourages it
I'm the first to consider if a child may be ND having one with ASD but I don't think this is ADHD at all, if the OP said he never slept, couldn't focus for long on his work, poor concentration - but no she says he's academically very strong which IME is not typical with children with ADHD who IME really struggle in the classroom.
This just sounds like a badly behaved child whose mother minimises everything he does and doesn't see the issue with any of it.
Anothernameanother · 18/03/2023 10:26
Fancysauce · 18/03/2023 09:52
How much do you know about adhd?
Anothernameanother · 18/03/2023 08:51
Not every child with poor behavior has ADHD. Some have parents who excuse their behaviour and so they think it's acceptable. OP gives context...
Quite a lot, both personally and professionally. Why do you ask?
2bazookas · 18/03/2023 10:29
But now she suddenly starts doing it again based on him laughing, I don't know, too loud
She was in the middle of dealing with a disciplinary issue which was a serious lesson for the two boys concerned AND an important one for the whole class watching.
Your son interrupted her, which was rude and disruptive. When checked, he refused her instruction and argued back cheekily. He deliberately undermined her authority.
He's not being punished for laughing; its for disruption, totally inappropriate behaviour, and disobedience.
Pinkflipflop85 · 18/03/2023 10:31
Choconut · 18/03/2023 10:19
So you think that if only the teacher had known that he was laughing loudly at unacceptable behaviour (giving the finger) the teacher would have said 'oh that's ok then' and maybe joined in with the laughter herself? No, she was trying to discipline others and he was laughing loudly, it was completely inappropriate. - and laughing at bad behaviour is even worse as it just encourages it
I'm the first to consider if a child may be ND having one with ASD but I don't think this is ADHD at all, if the OP said he never slept, couldn't focus for long on his work, poor concentration - but no she says he's academically very strong which IME is not typical with children with ADHD who IME really struggle in the classroom.
This just sounds like a badly behaved child whose mother minimises everything he does and doesn't see the issue with any of it.
Nice bit of generalising there.
My son has ADHD. He is also working at greater depth across the curriculum. Thankfully he has a teacher who uses adaptive teaching and classroom management to help him excel, rather than assume he can't do well because of it. He also masks massively and we get the absolute shit show of a meltdown every day after school.
sashh · 18/03/2023 10:40
There are two reasons for telling a child to leave the classroom.
The first is to deal with the incident she was already dealing with.
The second is so that the teacher can talk to your son and that is when he gets a chance to explain.
The teacher is not going to break off from one incident to listen to a 7 year old and expect the entire class to sit in silence while he tells his side.
Teach your son that when an adult who has authority tells him to do something he need to do it.
The next time it might be him about to step into the road.
FatGirlSwim · 18/03/2023 10:43
Choconut · 18/03/2023 10:19
So you think that if only the teacher had known that he was laughing loudly at unacceptable behaviour (giving the finger) the teacher would have said 'oh that's ok then' and maybe joined in with the laughter herself? No, she was trying to discipline others and he was laughing loudly, it was completely inappropriate. - and laughing at bad behaviour is even worse as it just encourages it
I'm the first to consider if a child may be ND having one with ASD but I don't think this is ADHD at all, if the OP said he never slept, couldn't focus for long on his work, poor concentration - but no she says he's academically very strong which IME is not typical with children with ADHD who IME really struggle in the classroom.
This just sounds like a badly behaved child whose mother minimises everything he does and doesn't see the issue with any of it.
I have adhd. I was a straight A type at school. The impulsivity and meltdowns scream ADHD to me.
JustAnotherManicNameChange · 18/03/2023 10:46
And if OP's son wandered off or hid somewhere because he was upset or got hurt/hurt himself would it still be a great way to deal with it?
He caused the initial disruption by laughing. The teacher caused the further disruption by arguing with a child that did not want to leave the classroom. . If there are no other options available for discipline and consequences then that's a pretty shitty school behaviour policy.
What if you get a child that won't actually give in and stand there refusing and arguing for hours? What if you have children that can't wait to be out of the classroom unsupervised so they will misbehave on purpose? At the moment OP's son is distressed at being sent out (and by the sounds of it disrupting other classes by screaming, what about those children?) but if he finds something to entertain himself with or starts enjoying being out unsupervised,what then? How and why would his behaviour improve? This type of behaviour management causes a lot more disruption to a classroom than what OP's son actually did.
FatGirlSwim · 18/03/2023 10:47
JustAnotherManicNameChange · 18/03/2023 10:46
And if OP's son wandered off or hid somewhere because he was upset or got hurt/hurt himself would it still be a great way to deal with it?
He caused the initial disruption by laughing. The teacher caused the further disruption by arguing with a child that did not want to leave the classroom. . If there are no other options available for discipline and consequences then that's a pretty shitty school behaviour policy.
What if you get a child that won't actually give in and stand there refusing and arguing for hours? What if you have children that can't wait to be out of the classroom unsupervised so they will misbehave on purpose? At the moment OP's son is distressed at being sent out (and by the sounds of it disrupting other classes by screaming, what about those children?) but if he finds something to entertain himself with or starts enjoying being out unsupervised,what then? How and why would his behaviour improve? This type of behaviour management causes a lot more disruption to a classroom than what OP's son actually did.
I take that on board completely and it changes my perspective.
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