Opinions on DS's teacher pls

This

OP, I know you're upset, but you must see that the teacher needs to be able to discipline your son if he misbehaves- not just let you deal with it outside school. Was she meant to let him just sit there laughing during a serious moment? What message does that send to the other kids?

She's not involving the whole class, sounds likes she's having a quiet word with them at the front as she can't just leave 28 other kids in the room to have a chat with the two kids outside.

Asking a child who is being disrespectful to step outside is appropriate, and allows the teacher to finish the conversation she was having with the two pupils who had an incident at break that needed dealing with.

I'm not sure how you deduced that she couldn't control the class from that?! Her age also has nothing to do with it.

OP needs to allow the teacher to implement consequences for behaviour there and then; minimising your son's behaviour will not help him at all in the long run.

Let teachers do their jobs!!

Not this is the op doing it but this is thr 3rd post recently I have noticed where parents are trying to minimise their child's behaviour

Work on this first might be an idea

What is interesting here is how you focus on what the teacher has done wrong. Not the child. As a parent, you should be asking yourself how you can help and support the teacher and child. You should be asking yourself how you have raised a child that struggles with respect, appropriate behaviour and self regulation. Please work with the teacher, not against. The issue lies with your child, not the teacher.

Opinion on the teacher? My opinion is that she handled a situation where 3 boys in her class behave badly with calmness, control and following the schools behaviour policy. You say her method doesn't work but your suggestion is that your son can behave however he wants, actively fueling the bad behaviour of others and you'll give him a consequence at home (yeah right). My opinion of your son's teacher is she is doing a fantastic job and you should be thanking her.

OP, how's your DS's behaviour at home? Does he display the same kinds of behaviors? If so, maybe think about getting him referred for an ADHD assessment. Everything you mention in your description of him is a typical ADHD trait. Emotional dysregulation and extreme sensitivity to being told off (rejected) are major parts of it that aren't so well known. He sounds just like my DS.

Do a bit of reading yourself to see if you think his behavior fits with ADHD, and if it does, talk to teacher/SENDCO.

Sounds like he needs support in school and you and teacher need to be on the same page for that.

Agree with others that consequences need to be immediate for children so teacher does need to deal with any behaviour issues in school. Completely ineffective for you to give him consequence at home.

Regardless of what's causing the behaviour, you and teacher need to work together to figure out best/most appropriate way of dealing with it/supporting child.

His behaviour is unacceptable and the teacher made the right choices. At his age he shouldn't be screaming and jumping in the corridor after being sent out. You need to teach your child how to behave.

That poor teacher.

So the teacher is dealing with an incident, already taking time away from teaching the other children, and your son then disrupts the class even further and you're annoyed that he got a consequence?! Gees. This is everything that's wrong with the world today.

She can only deal with one situation at a time. Her child was removed from the situation and told to wait in the corridor until it was his turn to be dealt with, instead he went to the corridor and acted appallingly. Therefore his chance to 'explain' was overshadowed. Do you really think that a teacher has nothing better to do that sort out the behaviour of 3 badly behaved kids when theres another 25 that deserve an education. No most children wouldn't laugh when a child gives the middle finger while being told off by an adult. The other 25 children in the class didn't. So yes, its quite possible she doesn't like OPs son. And she doesn't have to. All she has to do is treat him fairly which she did, despite him being rude and disruptive - she's fantastic for managing to do that and deserves the mother's gratitude.

7 year olds can, and do, use much worse than the 'bad finger'. Especially when they're parented by YouTube at home and watch a barrage if unsuitable content.

For a child with no additional needs, the teacher behaved entirely appropriately.
However, given the other information about his meltdowns on being sent out (unless he is big a soilt brat) the teacher and you need to work out a way to separate him from the rest of the class when required. Punishing at home isn't a suitable alternative. The teacher needs to be able to deal with things there and then.

This. The behaviour of your child was not . You are minimising

OP you sound like a good mum with a fairly typical young boy.

I agree it’s is helpful to label the behaviour not the child, but it’s important to recognise that certain behaviours are unhelpful (eg laughing, commenting and disrupting when the teacher is handling another incident) and certain behaviours are unacceptable (eg having a meltdown when given a minor sanction).

OP I love martial arts for kids who need to learn self discipline.

Also sit your kid down and go through a list of likely behaviours and consequences both good and bad. Make him work out what the consequence might be for each bad or good behaviour on the list.

Make it really clear that time outside the classroom is “breathing space” as Teacher can only deal with one thing at a time. Then if he is kicking off outside the classroom he has turned “breathing space” into an incident which is unnecessary because the whole point is that the breathing space is his moment to learn to calm down and say “sorry Miss”. Just a quick thing, no drama. Once he has learned to do that, teacher will invite him back in the classroom.

Give him a list of things he can silently do in the breathing space outside the classroom to calm himself down so he can recenter. Practice this with him. For example - close his eyes and put his arms out and stand on one leg for as long as he can. Stretch his arms up to the ceiling and draw the biggest circle he can with his arms. Stretch his fingers and then form fists 20 times. Take a deep breath and hold it for a count of four then blow it out like he is blowing a candle as slowly as he can. He should repeat these as slow as he can, seeing if he can drag them out so he only has time to do a couple of cycles before teacher comes out to him, see if he can beat his own record each time. The slower he completes each the cycle the better he is doing.

As soon as the teacher comes out of the class to fetch him he has to instantly stop his routine, make eye contact with the teacher, say “sorry miss for being disruptive”. That’s all. He just learns this rote behaviour and practices. You can even practice on silly things at home - make a game of it and you join in. Do something very noisy and active in the living room eg play keeping a balloon in the air. If someone lets it fall on the floor, they have to go in the hall and do the calming routine until the other person comes to get them. Yyou’re trying to simulate being very excitable and then quickly learn to tamp it down using self control techniques.

Anither good game to play is musical statues - going from hyper to totally still is very tricky at this age. But it helps them learn to switch gear really fast when external conditions are imposed on them.

Are you in England OP , as the use of recess sounds American.

Did this happen in the classroom in front of all the children? Then he was sent out on the corridor alone? None of the schools I worked in or I have links to use this a behaviour management policy anymore. It is not effective, and it carries the risk of the child running off or hurting themselves while being unsupervised. Not to mention, that it becomes an incentive for the kids that want to be out of class to behave badly.

You say he's jumping and screaming when he is out, does that mean he is disrupting other classes as well?

I would first check the school's behaviour policy and see if being sent out of class alone is actually something they do.


Then I would have a meeting would the school(teacher and SENCO) and discuss how your son can be supported,what strategies can be put in place and most importantly start an assessment for SEN if needed.



While I understand that your son is disruptive, the way they are handling it at the moment is not helpful to anyone and it doesn't seem to work anyway.

I feel sorry for the other children in the class, it sounds like no one is learning anything because the teacher is dealing with this kind of disruption the whole time.

he is energetic, headstrong, impulsive, sensitive, immature for his age

I also have adhd and think your son needs an assessment.

It sounds like he's behaving badly and you've now undermined the teachers ability to deal with it. Expect things to get worse

I am a teacher and I would and have disciplined children for trying to get involved when I am managing the behaviour of other students. It was none of his business and if he'd left the room when he was meant the other child wouldn't have been able to give him the finger.

What also jumped out of your post that others have commented on is that your child's behaviour is unusual. Being terrified of being sent out but behaving badly and refusing to follow instructions doesn't really add up. It it actually the case that he has learnt if he comes home and cries to you that it was scary and unfair you will complain to the teacher and get him off the hook? Or is it that there is some sort of neurodiveristy that you've not mentioned here so part of a bigger issue? You said he has meltdowns, have you sought any support about this?

My son has adhd - never in a million years are the consequences at home because A- he needs immediate consequences
B- it wo make an already challenging home life worse
C- i might expect adjustments for my Ds but not that my Ds can't be told of , allowed to do what he wants,.

Children with Adhd need quick sharp consequences for their behaviour. Not the wait till you get home -

What on earth do you expect the teacher to do bearing in mind there is a class full of other students to manage ?

All of this

The teacher told the two children off in front of the whole class(that's how he got "involved") . No one gave OP's son the finger. That's what the children that behaved badly did, and what according to OP's son what he laughed at -When the teacher mentioned the "bad finger". Then he was sent out on the corridor for laughing.



How many kids have you sent out of class alone as a behaviour management policy?

I agree.

I'm with the teacher on this one. He was getting involved loudly in someone none of his business and then as he was disrupting the class he was asked to leave. The screaming and jumping around would concern me. Not the norm for a 7 year old in school. I would contact senco and see about any further diagnosis- look at adhd. The teacher was doing her job. Your son needs to respect school and support by senco.

Is this outside the UK? I'm asking because you use the word recess, while we say break here. I work with that age group. Your ds’s behaviour sounds poor but some of the teacher’s language and actions are unprofessional.