Sensible cut off age for a man to father children?

[James637]

Question…

What age do you think is the latest a man should have children? People say 45 is the cut off really as you would be 65 when the child is 20. I’m 34 and worried I’m running out of time as not even in relationship! 🙈

I think before 40 is ideal, up to about 45 I wouldn’t raise an eyebrow.

After about 50 I’d privately think ‘don’t do it!’

These threads are silly. All you get are a load of people telling you what they did, which is hardly ever down to foresight - it's mostly luck. And of course people who had their babies in their 20s and 30s will tell you that no way would they consider having children in their 40s and beyond.

I always wanted to have a baby by 37 at the latest. But my partner and I have been struggling with infertility for 3 years and I'm now 39. So now I don't care what age I have one by - we'll just be lucky to have one at all! I've realised that life doesn't always let you plan things. You have to go where the waves take you.

No later than 37

Named changed for this as defo outing!!

This thread (or some of the responses) have filled me with rage.

I'm 41, DP 69 our DS is 6.

It's a bloody brilliant dynamic.

Before DS came along we'd been together for 10 years. We'd done plenty together. Lots of travel. Festivals. Adventures. Fun. He has three adult children from a previous relationship. We wanted a child together, but took ages for DS to come along.

As soon as DS was born, DP retired. My mat leave was blooming ace - I was so lucky. We basically got to spend 6 months travelling once DS had all his jabs. DP was around all the time for night feeds etc. I actually really enjoyed the first year (and subsequent years) because he was there and we took a true equal role in parenting.

Fast forward to now. I've been able to take big leaps in my career. I'm not hampered by childcare issues - DP is retired and does most of the school runs, he can be home when DS is sick. School hols aren't an issue. DP LOVES it because he's not juggling work and other commitments, so he's so invested with DS - much more than I am. But I'm very happy with my level/ role in parenting. I ensure the time I spend with DS lacks quantity - but it's quality. Proper quality.

DP is incredibly fit. He's a cyclist (used to race at a high level) and keeps very fit and active. He'd put most men half my age to shame, let alone half his age!

As I said I'm extremely lucky and don't take what I have for granted. Financially we aren't rolling in money. I'm on a very modest public sector wage. DP receives state pension and a small occupational pension.

I'm also lucky that I have a decent annual leave entitlement. So I get to take about 70% of school hols off. Apart from Xmas. We always go away. So max out the quality family time.

I wouldn't swap our situation for the world! I wouldn't want a younger partner!

I don’t think that’s true. Life is a gift and pretty amazing to experience and I’d like to give that to another human. Population is in decline in the western world so our country does actually need more babies as well.

@bobob I loved reading that, thank you for sharing.

My grandfather fathered his 1st at 43 and hia 10th at 59. Yes he was busy. For me personally I think 45/46 for men and women.

I think it's only the business of the parents themselves. Not up for debate

@bobob interesting story

So your child / you get the benefit for about 12yrs (until your DH is 75ish) then you'll be either caring or mostly doing health things for him and your son won't have a dad aged 20, something like 50% of men over 80 have some form of dementia as well

Understand rhe benefit you get - childcare and career support for you funded by his pension - but the child doesn't benefit does he past the age of 12 ?

Life is absolutely amazing to experience if you're born into a particular subset of the human population, I absolutely agree.

But you're not giving life to another human – the baby someone hasn't had doesn't exist. It's not as though they're floating about wishing they could have a life, and by not birthing a child you're doing them a disservice.

The point I was making is about the word 'selfish'. It's bandied about around childfree people as though choosing not to have kids is a moral issue, which in a post-religious 2023 world shouldn't be something we're debating. Having children isn't a mark of becoming less 'selfish' – it's a valid choice, as is choosing not to have them.

I would say 45 is a sensible cut off age

When ever you feel ready .Life comes with no guarantees

Friend had a young dad he died when he was 27
I lost my dad when he was 54 and yes he had us when was younger so I was older but it was still to soon in my mind
Another still has her dad and he is 70 now was older dad (she is 30)

My wonderful father had me when he was 57. Always had time for me, always wanted to talk, wasn't worried about the work, just enjoyed having a last late child-

He died when I was in my late 40s.

Dh was 50 with our child. I was almost 44

Mother Nature doesn't always behave in ways we would like

Yes we are older than we wanted

Equally I lost my first dh at 37 and met many families in way who sadly lost a parent and young

Just make sure made plans. Wills - who will take care of them. Life insurance etx