Sensible cut off age for a man to father children?

[James637]

Question…

What age do you think is the latest a man should have children? People say 45 is the cut off really as you would be 65 when the child is 20. I’m 34 and worried I’m running out of time as not even in relationship! 🙈

Depends. Realistically women do most of the work.
People insist younger = better. Not so if the dad isn’t around or busy raising another family- often the case. Daddy may be alive, fit, active etc (or out partying, gaming, obese, disinterested) and may not living with you, busy with a new baby. 🤷🏼‍♀️

It’s all relative isn’t it.

Why be so harsh?

I think the poster means -
If your ready to not sleep , be exhausted ,
not be able to live easily and suddenly have a huge responsibility ! Find it impossible to have sex as you always have a crying toddler , barely able to function your so tired ! If your ready for that / then go for it !

I'd say 40 or between 40 to 45. Child will be 10 when he's 50 - 55.

I always think about how old the child would be when they turn 18. I'm nearly 50 now and wouldn't consider having another.
I've taught children who find it funny that people think their father is their grandfather, and others who are upset by the assumption.

As long as you can care for and love your children there's wiggle room.

But having lost my own Dad, I now look at it from the view of the fact that the younger you have your kids, the longer they have a living parent around for.

DH was 45 and 48 when our DC were born (they are teens) I was late 20s/early 30s. He plans to work until youngest is 18 but has reduced his hours recently

This is an age gap question really isn't it. A woman has a time limit on having children naturally (although these threads usually set a limit below the biological one). So if a man is in a monogamous relationship with a woman the same age as him the age limit is the same. Trouble is some men like to marry much younger women so you end up with Ramjit Raghav having children in his 90s with his wife who was about half his age.

Well obviously we have children for entirely selfish reasons - but once the child is here you have to put its needs before your wants, ie "let the selfishness go a bit".

Anyway, it's quite obvious that James wants children (for entirely selfish reasons, just like the rest of us) and like many previous posters is wondering whether he's left it a bit late.

How about he makes it quite clear that he's looking for someone to raise children with? Would that seem creepy and unsexy, or would it appeal to a practical thirty-something woman who's also wondering if she's left it a bit late? (I have never been good at social interaction.)

Early 40's, I think those saying 50 are being a bit biased due to their own personal circumstances. In reality it's not great for anybody to have elderly parents and potentially becoming young carers when they should be carving out their own lives.

My friend has an elderly Mum and she's so exhausted from "caring for her" whilst being in her early 30's and just starting her own family.

No i don't think they miss out! speaking as a mom of 3 whose youngest and last child was fathered by my then 50 year old husband.
I am glad i had kids , it wasn't something i ever thought much about until i met my husband, but equally i can see that life is also fulfilling and good without them, i actually sometimes slightly envy the childfree.
I constantly have a low level worry about my 2 oldest ,i just want them all to be happy, a worry the childfree don't have, it can be a burden.
I would like to think they will keep an eye out for me in my old age but have no expectations.
Someone mentioned napping , my husband is not a napper , he is very fit too , there are plenty of extremely unfit young dads about !
Personally i think 50 was our cut off but each to his own.
Have you thought about fostering ? you could have a lot to offer.

40-ish.
I know loads of people, male and female, who became seriously ill or died in their early 50s, even though they appeared fit, slim and well.

@Readtopop it's no harsher than framing a childfree life as coming from a place of 'selfishness'.

It's so easy to fling that word around as though having kids is about being selfish or unselfish – it's not. Either choice is about fulfilling your own desires.

35 isn't ideal. There's no 'ideal' age to have a child. Too much depends on individual circumstances. I'd have hated to have been 34 and worrying about TTC.

Maybe not missing out completely on life but having children seems like the way to real fulfilment after you have got all the partying etc out the way. Yes the childfree have freedom etc but like.. how many holidays can you really go on?

I know there’s loads of other stuff in life, but it just seems like such a massive part of it. I know some people say they envy childfree people and some people regret kids but to be honest, it’s not what I see. Most parents I see and have spoken to seem to be content with life and have purpose and meaning.

I just don’t think you can get that without kids for the majority of people.

No definitely not! Life can be fulfilling without children too

As someone whose father was 49 when I was born I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable reading these responses even though I know they're individual.
He died when I was 15. Obviously I have regrets that he didn't get to see me go to university and have my two boys, but I feel honoured to have had him as a father.
My Mum was 10 years younger and lived to her mid eighties.

And people younger have babies with health issues too 🙄

I'd say late 40s at most, provided he's fit and healthy. My DH was 42 and me 40 when our last child was born, and I feel that's a really good age. I like that all our kids will be adults as we turn 60.

My own father was 54 when I was born and it was a massive, massive age gap to try to relate across. He was almost 70 when I was a teenager; we simply could not understand each other. I think people do stay younger longer now (in outlook, openness, fitness) so it's perhaps not so difficult as it was for me in the 1990s trying to reason with someone born in the 1920s!!! But 50 feels like it should be a cut-off to me.

I’d say 42. At an absolute push 45 but realistically you are far more likely to father a disabled child the older you get. Sperm from an older man is of much poorer quality than that from a younger man. We are not designed to pass on our genes at that age, it’s just the patriarchy that pushes this notion.
On a personal note I am seeing many, many of my peers who’s parents are either dying or suffering from dementia. They’re still having to work full time so cannot offer support. I am very thankful that my parents were younger.
Also it’s completely fine to be child free.

Well, my fil and his wife are expecting, he is 65…

I’d say 45 is my absolute maximum as the older the man is the higher the chance of health complications for baby. My SO was 42 when we had our kid. At 34 you’re still young- plenty of time to meet someone and have a kid or two.

@James637 I honestly cannot believe some of those responses and some saying 40 🙄

It's really each to their own ! Do what YOU want to do surely ?

There's loads of time to meet someone and have children ! But it's not all about that

I feel people who say there is a void when not having children I feel there will be a void if they did have children...it's mindset

I'm 40 and just done ivf as we were trying for baby number 2 for 5 yrs. my husband is 46 but when we started trying we were 35 and 41 but we desperately wanted a second and would have done anything ( hence 4 cycles of ivf and £35k later 🤣) but luckily we are financially able to and giving up wasn't an option. But I know some people don't have the luxury of this so I do feel incredibly lucky

I have two friends who always wanted children but didn't meet the right man until they were late 30s. They both met somat 38 and had three babies with short gaps.
My DH was 47 when DC1 was born. DC is 27 now and DH is 73. In hindsight I would have done it a few years earlier. He retired at 57 when DC were still at primary school so was a SAHDad for many years. Worked brilliantly for our family.

DH was 46 when ds was born. No issues!

Are they at least 25 now?

I think 40 is the very upper limit anyone should have a child (for the child's sake, both in terms of being too old to chase the child around and also increased risk of abnormalities/disabilities), we were 37 when we had our 3rd, I don't think it was ideal. To me late 20s/early 30s is the ideal age, but that's my opinion. As a man you could meet a woman 5+ years younger, if you don't mind being older you can father children into your 50s (or older!). Personal choice really as long as you are willing to accept the increased risks.