Mums net is toxic

[christmasmagic]

Does anybody find that there's a lot of users on mums net that use the platform to not really want to give good advice and help each other as mams? But more to anonymously judge and make other women feel crap about what majority of people off the platform deem normal...

Obv not everyone hence the post. But I downloaded this app as a young new parent with the intent of finding good advice or reassurance but I honestly think it does more harm than good. Seems to be a toxic online community for mams and a lot of people take advantage of being anonymous to spread negativity.

Anybody else think mums net is quite toxic?

I think some of the users can be unkind at the very least but there are some fantastic people on here too. The site as a whole is neither one thing nor the other, it's the people who use it.

Are you needing help with anything in particular?

I think I’m a unreasonable can be but for the most part it isn’t toxic.

It sucks, but if you're on a popular forum on the internet you need to learn to spot people wanting to start a fight over nothing and ignore them.

And also put all relevant info in your OP or you'll have a thread full of 'are you married? How old are your DC?'

And post on the relevant board. AIBU can be seen as a bit of a bunfighting ground with people spoiling for a fight.

Like most resources in life, learning to navigate it will pay off. If everyone was just here trolling, no-one would come here, so clearly it's the minority.

There are some bizarre standards on here. Just look at any cleaning thread.
And sometimes an apparent dislike of children which I find utterly wild.

You have to dig through the nasty, clearly unhappy individuals to find the good advice and remember to take everything with a pinch of salt. Every family, every person is different. I also think people lie through their teeth either for approval, be aspirational or bored.

Like every forum you'll always get the trolls. What baffled me was the amount of people on here who aren't even parents, probably will never be parents and don't even like kids!

Och, there’s just some folk with nothing nice to say / nothing better to do. Same on Twitter, FB etc...

It’s not as supportive as it was years ago.

The posters are called and known as ''vipers'' for reason.

What about those of use who were a parent?

On any internet forum, you just have to learn to let your eyes glide over the pointless, aggressive posts, and pretend they are not there

Well that would make more sense!

What was toxic about the answers to your thread about your baby being left to play by himself for a morning while your partner works?

You had loads of supportive posts. Others didn’t think it was ideal for the sake of your baby. No one said you’re shit parents, they worried for the well-being of your child.

Ask a question on a forum used by a wide range of people and you’ll get a wide range of answers.

Characterising the majority of replies you had as toxic or mean isn’t fair at all.

Same here, particularly those who seemingly don’t even like kids - how did they end up on a parenting forum?

No more so than the rest of the internet and a lot less than some parts of it.

There are topics on here that have nothing to do with being a parent though.

I think there are certainly some strange standards on here in respect of health or parenting expectations, moreso if its about a man. Never admit that you feed your child chicken nuggets or crisps. Never admit that your child sometimes has to not take priority because they need to fit in around the grown ups. Never admit you lost your rag with your child, this goes more for men. Never admit that you drink while having the care of your kids, again moreso for men. And god forbid you've got a log burner, your children are just about to keel over.

Yes op there's a lot of toxic comments from people, people almost trying to find something in your post to argue over however mums new is still full of really helpful and kind people, always willing to help so I guess you just need to grow sone thick skin and get stuck in 🤣🤣

That would always get a mixed bag of responses tbh

Could you give examples?

You get a massively broad range of opinions worldwide based on their unique experiences of life. You will find truthful answers not fluffy affirming platitudes. It’s not toxic because it’s the answer you didn’t want to hear. It’s a very supportive place in general.

@gamerchick I've had lots of names on this site I'm not just talking about that post. Like I said, not everyone on this app is the same. But I feel like a lot of people on here have very high expectations of parenting on a lot of posts I've read on here. X

If you want sycophantic approval for all your life choices then there's always the other place. MN is more abrasive but the advice tends to be better. Of course there are trolls everywhere on the internet, but they are so dramatic that they are easily spotted and discounted.

I think to an extent, with the advent of social media and more online forums, people have forgotten how to moderate their language and they forget they‘re taking to real people with real feelings. I try to adopt the "would I say it to their face" approach. There can definitely be some real nastiness, especially in certain areas on the site.

That said, I‘m also not keen on this narrative that because I‘m also a mum, or a woman or whatever, that we should always "band together" regardless of how others are behaving. I find there can be a strong anti-male rhetoric on here that makes me uncomfortable and it can become a bit of an echo chamber.

I think overall, avoid AIBU if you‘re worried, and stick to the quieter sections of the site, I find these tend to be far more balanced and people generally give good advice.

If this is a TAAT- no, I don’t think mumsnet is toxic for some posters pointing out that it’s pretty subpar that your child being plonked in front of miss Rachel or their toys for hours whilst your boyfriend works.

You had tons of supportive posts on that thread

Noting that the situation isn’t ideal isn’t ‘toxic’

what did you want? Everyone chiming in to say that it’s absolutely fine, won’t cause any harm, super savvy you for not paying for a childminder?

If you are content in your choices- it’s really best not to post.

@Suprima like I've posted previously. I'm talking in general I'm not going off my last post, I've had many names on Mumsnet. But I see it on other peoples posts etc as well as my own.