Husband away all week, would you expect help at the weekend?

[Mindyourfingers]

Badly phrased, husband working away all week. I get it must have been tiring.

2 yo plus pregnant here. Got up with DS this morning at 6, DH got up about half an hour later and I went back to bed for a bit.

I took DS out all morning, DH had four hours to himself. Hoped he’d have DS for a bit this afternoon but he just keeps finding stuff to do in the garden.

I can’t work out if it’s me? I’m just fed up. DS being really demanding and I am just desperate for half an hours peace.

I would expect more than ‘help’ at the weekend. I would expect 50/50 share of the workload.

It’s not “help”

No it’s not help. Whatever it is, I just want it without people nitpicking at me, please.

It would be nice to get help but for your own sanity it is easier just to expect none and get on with it. If he is away all week he will be unfamiliar with your 2 year old so the kid will likely gravitate to you anyway.

My DH was never very hands on with the kids when they were tiny. He is great now they are older though.

I wish he would ever do something in the garden though.

But that’s why men get away with this because women see parenting as helping it’s not helping it’s called parenting don’t see it as him helping you

It's not help it's parenting! I absolutely 100% would expect him to do his fair share, which is 50% when he's not at work. Really kind of you to give him 4 hours to himself, you're a good partner, he needs to be too.

Have you spoken to him? Expressed your needs? I feel like it should be obvious, and the approach my wife and I take is to consider each other- we would have planned a scheduled break for the parent at home so the one who'd been away could support in whatever way was needed.

You do need to tell him though.

Why should she accept such a low bar just because you did? This is shocking advice.

Hi DH,
This pregnancy is really making me tired so I'm going off to bed for a nap - i'm handing DC over to you now. Love you !
And trundle off to bed for a rest.

What’s upsetting is DS is desperate to see DH. He isn’t away every week, mind you. And he is doing stuff in the garden, just he has to do it right this moment when I’ve got an awful headache and DS just won’t stop talking and hasn’t since 6am.

Can people please stop getting at me about help, you know as well as I do that there’s no edit button on here.

Speak to you husband and say at the weekend you would like him to be more hands on.
Men aren't mind readers so he prob thinks great I'll get x y and z sorted which will make things easier for you. Not realising you actually just want 1 hour to yourself..
Have you spoken to him about this?
I've been there my OH assumed the weekend I would still to naps, bedtime, bathtime etc and I spoke to him to say I want him to do a bit more.

Have you told him you want to go to bed?

Why did you get pregnant again if you are struggling managing one?

I’ve tried but he just sees something he decides needs urgent attention and vanishes. Anyway I am stuck with it I suppose, I feel horrible saying this but I just wish DS would STFU for a bit.

@GrazingSheep i can’t. He isn’t here.

50/50 on the weekend for parenting and housework, washing etc

That is a HORRIBLE thing to say.

her DH has been away all week and she is pregnant and tired. Perfectly normal.

Put DSs wellies on, nice thick anorak and gloves. Take him out to DH. Say ' darling, ds is simply pining for you. I'm going to run a bath. Such a headache'

Go back to the house. Lock the doors (and side gates so DS can't escape.)

Jobs a goodun

I would put a coat and gloves on DS and take him out too DH in the garden - Just say DS wants to help Daddy and I need a break. Simples!

What the heck!
It's his child as well!

Seriously @Mindyourfingers
Stop hoping for time off and just take it.
I realised with DH it wasn't going to happen if I hoped for him to notice so just started taking it.
"Ok I'm going for a walk, swim, sauna, haircut back in 2 hours, hand child over , bye !"

Why don’t you go out to the garden and tell him it’s his turn to have DS for a bit so you can have some time?

"Listen Dave, put your shovel down and forget the gardening. I really need a break. I appreciate you're working away all week but I'm tired and I've got a headache and little Johnny wants to spend time with you. From now on you need to pick up the slack on the weekend with regards to caring for him. Let me know what time tea will be ready. Thanks".

OK - I’m not looking for a script for what to say to DH. I know that sounds really moody and grumpy but it really isn’t what I’m looking for.

Ignore the deliberately provocative post.

I’ve no idea why but I’m both upset and furious.

OP, is he in the garden right now?

People thanks I can speak myself though, I really, really do not need the MN scripts here.