Husband away all week, would you expect help at the weekend?

[Mindyourfingers]

Badly phrased, husband working away all week. I get it must have been tiring.

2 yo plus pregnant here. Got up with DS this morning at 6, DH got up about half an hour later and I went back to bed for a bit.

I took DS out all morning, DH had four hours to himself. Hoped he’d have DS for a bit this afternoon but he just keeps finding stuff to do in the garden.

I can’t work out if it’s me? I’m just fed up. DS being really demanding and I am just desperate for half an hours peace.

It's not help, it's his responsibility. Anything less is a piss take. Don't tolerate it x

Well you were hoping for something and you didn't speak up. Now you're asking why you're disappointed.

It's because you didn't speak up. That's why we're trying to help with words but suit yourself.

Personally, I wouldn't be keeping my mouth shut and playing the martyr when I knew I'd soon have 2 kids to deal with but that's up to you.

He may think he is contributing domestically by doing the garden and just not realise that’s not important right now vs giving you a break

You’re grumpy because you’re pregnant and knackered and your husband’s doing special man-jobs instead of turning his attention to the boring, annoying, repetitive elements of parenting a toddler he should actually be doing.

👏

@TheHillsAreAliveWithTheSoundOfMystery the problem is that I can do that myself. I do not need a script for what to say. However I also know it will make no difference. I’d have to go out there and scream to be heard and then I’d just get yeah in a minute. Then maybe an hour later he’ll come in.

Short of literally manhandling him in there’s sod all I can do, and that’s hardly practical is it 😂

🤣🤣

@TTheHillsAreAliveWithTheSoundOfMystery has sussed it.

And no script 😁

Ind. You said you were hoping for him to have DS, don't hope just go and tell him you need a break and he needs to spend some time with his child.

Hoping gets you nothing and leads to you feeling more frustrated. The fact he doesn't actually want to see his son after a whole week away alsodoesn't bode well to be honestly though so I would also recommend making sure you've got everything in order for when you inevitably leave. If he's not bothered with 1 child he's unlikely to suddenly become dad of the year when you've got 2.

First change the narrative. It's both of you needing to pull their fair weight. Why can't he have the two year old "help" in the garden. I assume the power tool work can wait.

He needs to step up and take on more, pregnancy and toddler and toddlers are hard going.

I appreciate this situ may have snuck up on you but set out now clearly expectations post new baby arrival.

OK, so how do you actually get him in?

I go outside, have to tramp a fair distance with DS in tow, scream over the noise that he needs to come in, he says yeah in a minute and doesn’t.

Because that’s the reality. There’s no fucking way he’ll come in, scripts or not.

Two year old terrified of power tools.

Ok so you don’t want solutions and you don’t want picked up on saying it’s help and you don’t want to go out and say anything to your husband. You just want to post and everyone to say poor you and nothing further? And you will carry on and silently seethe at your young child for having the temerity to talk?

OK, so how do you actually get him in?
Do you actually want him in he sounds fucking useless, he doesn't want to see his child or his pregnant wife and hes not at all part of the family so what purpose does he serve?

Yep seems to be the case 🙄

Has he not got his phone on him? Can you text him?

Don't ask him to come in. Tell him if he doesn't step up and start acting like a proper father and husband then it's over.

It’s the whole martyr thing some folks do.

LOL at @SpinningFloppa and ‘seems to be the case.’ Every thread you do is relentless negativity.

I do know there aren’t solutions other than talking to him - which I will do - but a screamed conversation with a two year old in tow is not really the best time or place.

LOL at @SpinningFloppa and ‘seems to be the case.’ Every thread you do is relentless negativity.

Not sure why you're saying lol as if it's funny. The posters are not at all negative they are honest but you just don't want to what it. Seriously do you really want your son growing up thinking this is normal and how a dad should be. It's fucking tagic.

Carry on being a martyr then 😵‍💫

Tbh OP, I'd be telling him he either pulls his weight or the marriage is over.
If you split up, he'd have set time per week to see his children and probably would have a better relationship with them and you would actually get some down time. Are you getting any relief ATM? This isn't a marriage, you're a baby maker for him.

More of a snort. I do think that some posters just took exception to me asking people not to post scripts - I do understand why people do it, but I don’t have an issue with articulating myself and (sorry) I do find them a bit irritating when the thread fills up with them.

Once DH is in the middle of something it’s impossible getting him to stop. Best to talk to him later than trail out now. I suppose this is the point and we all know our own relationships and what will work/won’t work.

I do @SliceOfCakeCupOfTea and tbf to him, he isn’t an evil or even inherently lazy man but he does have this need to do things now, this very second, must not wait, as if things would burn down if they weren’t done at that moment. Which can be frustrating when you’ve got a banging headache!

What are you asking us for?

I'm not being snarky, I'm just confused why you are posting if you already know what you are going to do.

You don't have to be evil or lazy to be a shit husband and father. some people just aren't good at it. Doesn't mean they can't learn to be good, but they have to want to put the effort in.

If you DH sees the garden as a bigger priority than his poorly, pregnant wife, that says a lot about him.