Sharing baby photos

[Missy865]

DH and I dont share any photos of DC online. My parents agree with this approach and are quite anti sharing generally on social media themselves. We have a family whatsapp group with my parents and siblings and have posted photos of DC there for Grandparents particularly as they dont live close by. I have discovered my DM has been sending the photos on to her friends. I feel like she is being hypocritical and if she is sending them round her friends, she would be as well posting them on social media. Maybe im being overly precious and she should be allowed to share photos of my DC with her friends but i dont want the photos shared hense why the only place i send them is on the family chat and now its making me not want to share more photos as i dont no where they will end up. AIBU or can i ask her not to share?

I had a very bad experience with social media and a stalker a few years ago. So I really do not want DC on SM whatsoever unless they choose to when they are far older which I couldn't stop.

But that’s not the case why you don’t want your kids photos on SM because you literally just said in a reply to me that you wouldn’t be that bothered if they had taken the photos themselves.

So it’s nothing to do with a stalker or SM because if it was it wouldn’t matter who took the photos, you still wouldn’t want them shared.

Just admit it’s a control thing and get over it.

I'm with you OP.
I don't like the idea of not knowing who photos are being sent onto and agree that when I post things in the family WA they're not for sending on. Can you ask your mum to tell you who she send pics to? If they're the kind of lifelong surrogate aunties who you know well then that's one thing, but if they're people you don't know then I'd be less happy.
I always find it weird how much PIL know about their friends' children which makes me think they probably share the same kind of detail about us and I feel really uncomfortable with that.

@escapingthecity yes, i agree. The person i found out she shared with, i dont no them so i find it quite uncomfortable. Why would this random man need a photo of my DC on their phone?! I think im going to speak to DM and explain that while i might be BU its making me feel uncomfortable. The photos i send her are for her.

@FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks i dont want the photos shared but i understand that if someone takes a photo there is little i can do. I can only control what i own. If DM took a photo, id rather she didnt share it but id mind less than if she shared a photo i took. Although tbh its hard to say for sure as im talking about a hypothetical. My DM is unlikely to meet DC any time soon and be in a position to take a photo.

@Missy865

I know (sic) I'm being a dick, but:

No is the opposite of yes.

If you want to say that you are sure or not sure that something is the case, you need know. For example "I don't know if I am being unreasonable", or "I know my mum is being unreasonable".

I don't know if you are BU about sharing photos as my DC were born before photo-sharing was a thing, but why don't you try only putting photos on this WhatsApp thing that you would be happy for your mum to share?

@FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks OMG stop going on and on with your bullying tone, you've made your point, goodbye.

@Missy865 Hi, I work with mothers postpartum and many new mums feel the same as you. It's normal to feel like this and be protective, as social media sucks and it's your child's right to not have themselves all splashed all over social media.
I promise you, your feelings will adapt and you'll relax more as baby grows, and perhaps even post the odd photo yourself. For now, say to mum you're not ready to share her with the world yet, so make sure whoever she sends pics too, knows this. Do what you feel is right and gives you the least anxiety.

@FOTTFSOFTFOASM i wish photo sharing still wasnt a thing lol! I would just rather that no photos were shared. I share photos with my parents as they are my DC's DGP and i dont want them to miss out. I dont feel the same way towards my DP's friends or others. If my parents lived locally to me i dont no that i would send them photos as they would be able to visit, so i feel annoyed im trying to share my DC with them as best I can, when they live so far away, and they no and agree with me keeping DC details off SM, but they are still in effect publicly sharing what i consider to be private family photos.

@HVPRN thank you. I think im finding aspects of the post partum quite overwhelming. Im almost in tears reading your message. I probably am BU but i cant help how i feel. I will definitely take your advise. Thank you.

I agree with you actually. When they share photos via WhatsApp they end up on random peoples clouds forever more.
But then you have people who happily share their baby's whole life on SM - everyone has different levels of what they are comfortable with. Your family should be respecting your wishes.

It's very different to sharing a hard copy photo of a person which can't be shared, manipulated, used for any purposes other than what it was intended for (unless you loose it I suppose. And even then it would be hard to manipulate). Why can they show their friends the pictures on their phone? It's not like anyone else is really interested anyway.

There was a woman who started a thread about this a little while ago. Her partner worked in cyber security (I think), they were particularly keen to make sure this didn't happen. I think someone recommend a photo sharing website, but even then there's nothing to stop your mum screenshotting the images and sharing them that way. I don't know what the answer is...

@HVPRN Unfortunately, as in real life, you can’t shut someone up and tell them to go away just because you don’t like what they’re saying.

@Missy865 You're doing great! postpartum is a wonderful journey, however sometimes it's a raft ride 🛶 exactly, you can't help how you feel, interestingly, the drop (more like plummet!) in progesterone and estrogen play a role in our overwhelmed feelings. BF & Formula feeding can effect which hormones pick up/take over/return. How old is your LO?

😂This says more about you than the person you’re attacking.

Let me get this straight. You accuse me of having a “bullying tone” and then make a personal attack? 🧐

Totally agree with you. It's not acceptable

No idea why people are saying you are being unreasonable

My child's not been put on social media but I have no issue with grandparents showing him off to for friends!

Abit precious op

@FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks @SalviaOfficinalis
OP is in a very vulnerable time in her life. Sometimes, people are mean, and don't realise they are stressing people out. Sometimes people need to be called out when they're not being helpful like these comments/conversations now. This is why I said originally, you were best to go. But you came back. Apologies for calling you a douche, more appropriately, you were not being helpful, and me writing this out of my time now, shows neither am I.

@overwork that is exactly it. My DGP and parents had photos of me on the wall when i was a child but the only people who saw them were close friends who actually came to round to the house. I dont recall anyone paying the blindest bit of attention to them and they certainly werent requesting copies. I dont understand why it has become the norm now to want to share photos with people really completely unconnected to the children. In the past if an aqaintance requested their own copy of a photo people would have thought they were odd.

@HVPRN DC is only 5 weeks old. Definitely still finding my feet. Im glad that some people seem to be able to see where im coming from. Im going to speak to DM. Thank you, i really appreciate your comments.

Yes, it is a bit odd. And she should ask you for permission first. But I think she's doing it because she's proud of her grandchild.

I think you are being unreasonable.

They must be excited to have a new grandchild. But they cannot hold, of hug or kiss their grandchild (why the weirdly gender neutral language btw?). They cannot babysit, or take them for a stroll in their pram or do any of those grandparent things. All they have is photos, and I think it's mean and controlling personally, to not even let them show off their new grandchild to their friends.

@Willdenytothedeath if my parents want to show photos on their phone i have absolutely no issue. I just dont want the photos sent on. Its a different topic, but if it makes any difference, my parents were the ones who chose to move away, so missing out on seeing their future DGC in person was something they had to weigh up when they moved. In terms of them moving away, its not just them that misses out on things, i dont get to share my joy with them in the same way i could in person. I dont have any physical parental support and nor did I see my parents when i was pregnant etc. I dont have any issue with them moving away though, there are pros and cons with every decision and the flip side is that they have a very nice life for retirement. I am happy for them and I no they are happy. I am sending photos to keep them firmly in the loop and to start the foundations to accommodate what will largely be a remote relationship.

What exactly are you afraid of? If you don't want them on SM then fine, although that's inevitable too at some point. But I don't understand why your family sharing with friends is such a big deal? I think it's a bit weird and controlling tbh