Nobody wants to play with my child

[newjobnewstartihope]

In year 2. Been invited to a few whole class parties but not where kids choose a few friends. Never been asked to go to anyone's house or any play dates out of school .
I have asked a few separate people if they wanted to do something/come over and no answer off anyone . I feel really sad for them when they see their other school mates getting together out of school. Spoken to teacher a few times who has always said there's no friendship issues she's aware of but she can't do anything about out of school. Does anyone else's child struggle like this

This is so heartbreaking. I had similar. Firstly, completely forget about others inviting your child or reciprocating invites. Secondly, make very specific invitations - would x like to come round after school on Wednesday for play and tea? Put yourself out - eg I can drop them home. Just focus on doing it for your child. It did work for us and eventually invitations were then offered to my child. Good luck.

One on one play dates and after school activities are the way to go. It's what I did when my son started Reception and he's made some really good friends.

But people just ignore me when I ask

I echo this. This is the only way... When you say people don't respond, do they not reply to you at all?

Have you tried just asking for meet ups at the park or an event? I would say yes to this in a heartbeat but really don’t like DD going to others houses or inviting others back to our home.

I don't want to be mean but if you're asking parents maybe they have an issue with your child? Hygeine? Are they a bit intense? Perhaps just bad vibes? try your best to look at your child as if they're not your own and see if there's anything offputting :( I know I had to do it with mine

My daughter is exactly the same also in year 2. She's never had or been asked on a play date. She does get invited to quite a lot of parties but she comes home from school some days saying she had no one to play with. Teachers have got involved a couple of times. She can be quite full on with people which I think puts a lot of children off playing with her. Your not alone OP.

Does your child do any after school activities?

Hygiene? My kids are impeccably clean and appropriately dressed

Yes done that too

Are you specific about a date and time? Or is it more of a must get them together sometime? Do you offer to collect and bring home after school?

Could it be you? Do you smoke? Have a giant dog? Live in a rough area? Just trying to think of reasons parents might not want their child in your home. It’s strange that no one has accepted your invitations!

Are they able to go to non school related clubs like brownies/cubs or a sport that they like?
An extra opportunity to make friends with different children- maybe ones that they will have more in common with.

My son loved football and running around games but was with a class with mostly pokemon cards and bug hunting boys. So for all of infants he mostly played with one similarly energetic girl.
Changed in juniors as there were more children like him. But by then he also had friends from his football team.

How well do you know the parents? Are you able to get to know them at pick up/drop off? Because DD (10) has never been for a playdate somewhere where I don't know the parents, and, thinking about it, probably never been on one where I haven't been inside the house - when she was younger, playdates included the parents. Are you asking in person, or on WhatsApp (or similar)?

When my boy was in junior school I offered to help out by listening to the children read once or twice a week. The situation wasn't quite the same, but I was able to get to know his classmates who were interested in me. It then progressed until he was accepted and included.

They ignore you in person or via WhatsApp? I'd approach face to face then follow up with a message.

In our primary yr 2 was when infrequent and hesitant play dates started to happen, most kids will have been to outside school friends and family but school friends not so much. Even now in yr 4 they are not common except in school holidays, lots of parents work so can't do afterschool and weekends are a series of errands or expensive family all day outings that don't really fit with bringing another kid along.

I tend to arrange holiday play dates where I pick up one of her friends and take them both to the park or softplay or trampolining.

Can you let us know how you ask the parents, like what is the exact thing you say - is it in person or by text? And also clarify if there is absolutely zero response or something else. Just so we can try to help you work out where things are going wrong.

Have you been very specific? Would John like to come doing tomorrow/ Tuesday for a play date after school? I can drop him home about 6 after tea etc etc.

None of those

😢that’s so sad

I have -
Whilst picking kids up said things like oh maybe Johnny could come round in the holidays/meet us at the park
WhatsApp messaged
Obviously when it's in person people say yeah that sounds good I will let you know
But when I send a WhatsApp etc it just gets ignored

It really is I feel beside myself for my child

I think it’s very strange that everyone ignores you when you ask about a play date. Most would respond politely saying no or being vague. The fact that all just flat out ignore you says there is an issue to me. If school think the friendships are fine, then could the issue be with you?

Where abouts are you? Town, city, country? When I lived in a village I had issues that we moved into the area and those on the housing estate refused to let their kids play with those of us who owned houses, then most of the other owners had their kids in wraparound care.

When I moved to a multicultural city I found that many of the kids didn't do play dates or parties because they only played with their cousins

Sorry you message them directly and they blank you??