Lazy parenting

[Lunabetty]

What are things you consider lazy parenting?

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There's lots of parenting some good, some bad, some abhorrent. Most people wander between good and a bad. One day I might bring my A game another I might be ill or very busy and they get a much lower standard. Thats normal I think it's better to support others rather than judge and one man upmanship

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My eldest was still in nappies at 3. We began potty training at 18 months (with breaks in between when she wasn't getting it), had the health visitor involved, was regularly on the ERIC website, asked the GP for advice (both GP and health visitor said she was too young for intervention and that she was still within the realms of normal). She did eventually get it and then within 3 days there were no more accidents. My youngest had exactly the same treatment and was potty trained at 2. As far as we are aware my eldest has no additional needs but we really couldn't have done anymore. I beat myself up daily thinking I'd failed as a parent for a very long time over that.

I genuinely don't think you can judge most people as being lazy parents because you don't see the full picture. I know I was judged as a lazy parent but in reality I was doing more with my eldest than a lot of other parents around me (I was actually told by more than 1 person to stop trying to be superwoman, and that I needed to give myself a break. I did but I was so terrified of being seen as a bad parent that I drove myself to a mental breakdown). So while I don't agree with things like smacking, for the most part I don't judge. Being a parent is hard enough without that.

I think you might be shocked to see how food is transported and stored en masse!

Re parent's eve, did you highlight the name mistake, have you fed back that the reports are so generic it's impossible to do anything with it? That's your job, to advocate for your children. It sounds like they're being overlooked.

obviously this does not include kids with special needs but…

Seeing children sat in front of a screen or phone in restaurants or at any table

seeing toddlers watching a screen while in the buggy

seeing toddlers or babies in front of a screen in a trolley

basically using screens to babysit your kids while out. Your child has the whole world to take in yet you hand them a phone or iPad?

long or regular screen time at home. We rarely have the tv on when our son is awake

giving babies and toddlers sweets especially when in half hour you’re going to moan about their behaviour

How do you know which kids have SEND or not though? You can't tell a child has autism, for example, by looking at them. Plenty of SEND are 'invisible' so you may think you are witnessing an allistic child watching an iPad in a restaurant, when actually they are autistic. Or you may be seeing a 5 year old in nappies and judging, when actually they have a bladder or bowl condition. With young kids it can be a long way off a diagnosis but that they struggle with toilet training, or sitting still in a restaurant without an iPad, are early signs of a condition which is years off being diagnosed.

@AAngelik we do a lot of work with our kids at home and their reports are always excellent. They never deviate from saying they are well behaved and are having no issues.
My DH is a teacher so I think in general we just make sure we work on their weaknesses rather than hassling the teacher.
But I'm just not interested in arranging my schedule around going to another meet and greet where we just sit there smiling at each other saying nothing important.

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@Lunabetty are you coming back to your thread?

My ds was in nappies until about 4 where we didn't realise he needed circumcision as he had phimosis which was revealed after an infection where the area was restricting him from peeing properly and emptying his bladder in one go. After the circumcision and healing, he was potty trained in one day. To me lazy parenting is not forming rules and boundaries and not teaching them to be considerate at a young age. We started all of this from 1 yo and by 3.5 it all clicked. All this time it felt like speaking to a brick wall until it didn't. Too much sweet, crap food and no exercise whilst watching your child wondering around in obese territory etc is neglect imo. Beige food, screen time, missing out bath time are more like survival mode.

Screen times in restaurants I won't judge as there's nothing to see apart from waiters and food arriving which is same as having it on a flight which is used to pass time (same with adults) and to keep them quiet especially if a young child hasn't developed its comprehension skills, but I agree with pp when I see it in shopping trolleys and buggies as there is so much in the world to see but I can't really catergorise parents into lazy or non lazy. To me it's simply either neglectful or survival mode because I am yet to come across one parent at least in my social circle anyway who is switched on 24/7 as well as holding down a career and looking after a home.

Also coming back to my screens in restaurants are okay comment vs teaching them rules and boundaries. Sometimes some places are not a place to teach them this until they are ready. For example a year ago if I removed the screen in a restaurant I would have a fussy screaming toddler no matter how many times I took him to the restaurant to eat so he could get used to it where he wasn't interested in food in the first place. No sticker books and toys would help. A year later where he has developed his comprehension, understands better and actually enjoys food more, we don't need to use screen time anymore.

Sadly, my DH is a prime example. I went to visit my father in hospital this morning at 10am. It's Sunday.

Only gone for an hour and a half. Came home & DH had shoved DC (10&6) in front of screens with sugary snacks so he can sit, scroll & nap. I was livid, but unsurprised. I went away for a weekend last year & DC spent ENTIRE weekend on screens with junk food. Anything so dh didn't have to parent or engage with them. But, I'm unreasonable for being peeved, apparently.

My favourite game was hospital. As the patient I could lie on the sofa while the dc listened to my heart, gave me fake injections etc. If they wanted anything I would just tell them I was too ill to move.

@MermaidMummy06 😞 I can relate.

I would be livid too if DH did that for a weekend just so he could scroll online.

My DIL is a lovely girl and we get on very well. With my son they have 2 kids 5&2. She used to keep the house nice and cooked good meals. Now she is forever on her phone. Literally every time I see her, just scrolling.
My son does so much when he comes home from work as often no dinner cooked, washing done or housework done.
He has spoken to her to see what else he can do to help, but she refuses any help or suggestions. I take the boys out as she says she can’t do anything with them in the house, but when I return hours later, she is still laid on the sofa scrolling. She saw her GP but is not depressed. The only time she comes to life is when she goes for her nails and lashes to be done. I’m asking now as it’s summer holidays and she has not done one thing with the kids. It’s not a lack of funds, family or friends. Any suggestions how I can help/support? TIA

How does she know she’s not depressed?

Yes I agree she sounds depressed

This is the problem though. You have absolutely no idea if the child is ND or not. I honestly do not give a hoot if I see a child with a screen in public. My only judgment is if they do not have headphones - they are not expensive.

This is why when I have had to resort to a screen with my ND child, I hate the idea that some prick is judging me for being a lazy parent.

Utter genius 🥰

Using a tablet to entertain your child rather than interact with them

I’m reading this in my dressing gown while my child watches the iPad.

Of course most days are better than this, but it’s the end of the summer holidays (back on Wed, we’re in Scotland) , I’m an unsupported menopausal widowed single mum with nothing left to give today. WFH has added to my social isolation so badly I think I’ve lost my job too, just kind of cracked in the past few weeks.

We meant to get the day off to a good start today with park run and church but neither of those things happened.

I don’t know, maybe I’m depressed too. I do my best. But shout out to all the other Sunday lazy parents … :-/

I spent two hours playing football with him yesterday, and one hour doing reading. But 7 weeks of being responsible for everything single thing that happens (bar a few morning camps), while working, had left me empty.