Lazy parenting

[Lunabetty]

What are things you consider lazy parenting?

I don't think the current expectations on parents are realistic. We are meant to be available to their needs all the time, and constantly scheduling and engaging them. Boredom is not a bad thing, nor is a bit of distance. It's good for kids to have opportunities to create their own entertainment, find compromises and solve some of their own problems. IMO it's also really good for them to see that grown ups have their own lives, to know that there are times when they need to give their parents space to have their own social lives, earn a living, do life admin and housework and have a bit of self care sometimes. Of course Mum wants to talk to you about Minecraft, but not while she is on the phone to her friend or washing her hair. There needs to be a balance, because otherwise you end up with narcissistic kids and burnt out parents, and that doesn't help anyone.

I also believe that helping kids find their own limits with things like sugar and screen time is better in the long run. It's amazing to me how many kids have the capacity to make really good healthy choices when they are supported to come to their own conclusions, not locked into power struggles or subject to arbitrary screen time rules or food rules. I want my kids to be able to make those decisions as adults, not based on whether I would be happy with their choices but whether they are. To be more intuitive eaters, and to find a balance between when it comes to screen time, exercise, social life, down time, work and play. That means letting them learn from their own experiences, including the negative ones.

A 4 year old who is not ready to toilet suggests Sen

I knew a family, four kids all in private education. The dad worked away a fair bit snd the mum seemed to pride herself how hands off she was. Like they missed the deadline for GCSEs choices because she just forgot. And she would go off without arranging how the younger two would get home from school (they could walk, it was only a couple miles, but not in the dark in winter, and the school didn't like junior school kids leaving school on their own).
Or get to school loaded down with book bag and games kit - another mum round the corner would see them struggling and give them a lift.
And one day she went for a walk with her husband, decided to stop somewhere for lunch, neither with their phones, and there was a leak at their house and the eldest, about 15, ran around to the same mum's house as she just didn't know what to do. This woman went round, got a plumber, put towels down and got the kids a sandwich (the 15 year old would have done it but was in a panic). When the actual parents got home they just laughed. Lazy parenting.

That's awful parenting those poor kids but what a lovely lady that stepped in.

I agree. Timetabling themselves silly, setting ridiculously high standards then moaning they’re ‘exhausted’ and parenthood is ‘breaking them’.

😂

Why did I never think of this?? In fact, come to think of it, they should come with built in strings, could sit and watch TV with a cuppa in hand while amusing the wee one!

Seriously 😂😂😂😂😂

Giving them iPads when I need to clean or get things done, do it quite a bit as I'm single mum, no one to watch them when I need to get on.

My DD loves to play 'hotels' I'm always the guest. She tries to make me as comfortable as possible. Massages etc

Hide and seek in a reallllly good hiding place with a cup of tea.

If I'm feeling extra lazy, let's play who can pretend to be asleep the longest. Absolute winner

I'm finding the answers here interesting. My family and friends would say I'm the least lazy/most involved mum they know and I'm guilty of at least two crimes!

1. Lazy for my 3 yo in nappies. He has no special needs he is just terrified of potty training. My older two were LONG trained by now. It's hard to train someone who screams until he vomits as soon as the nappy comes off. Lazy me.
2. I've opted out of the meet and greets and parents nights for the past year. Because of all the years my older two have been at school I have never been told one piece of new information on these nights.

Even their school reports say the exact same thing every year. One year the comment was even interchanging my son's name with another boys in his class .

I would say lazy parenting is enforcing no rules or boundaries for an easy life (and suffering much more in the long run for it.!)

No apology needed. I liked your reply

I think no rules or boundaries is lazy parenting!
I also hate seeing children in school uniform after school hours I think it's so lazy! It takes 5 mins to get them changed.

🤣

Haha, that's ridiculous! No way am I changing my kids in the car after after school club just so they aren't in uniform in the supermarket or arriving at swimming on our way home!

For me it's not teaching basic morals, right and wrong, how to treat others kindly. I couldn't care less if you eat beige food, vacuum once a month, never iron shirts. It's lazy to spend no time with your DC to help them develop into a decent human being.

Are you coming back to explain why you asked the question @Lunabetty ?

My lazy parenting moments: ordering McDonald’s breakfast on just eat for me and ds as a treat. When they were younger doing picnic snacks / party food for tea instead of cooking. Movie nights with popcorn. Staying in pjs until lunchtime if we’re not going out. And (many years ago) napping on the couch with a sleeping baby when I should have been cleaning the house. (I have no regrets!)

I actually think ‘lazy parenting’ in terms of just letting your kids entertain themselves for hours at a time is very very good for them. We don’t pack out DD’s schedule, if we do something in the morning we tend not to do anything in the afternoon and vice versa. When we’re at home she potters around with books and toys, I join her to do the odd jigsaw or play a card game but she’s in charge of her own entertainment. I tend to sit there with a coffee and my kindle so she isn’t alone but equally isn’t constantly engaged. So many kids now seem to need such high excitement activities or screens to be able to pass the time.

MIL gives the vibe that we’re lazy parents but parenting years ago sounds great. Shut your babies outside for naps for hours in the pram ,let them play in the streets all afternoon with their friends unsupervised, let the younger ones get looked after by and taken to school by the older ones and so on.

Sounds like a piece of cake to me compared to the endless baby classes then after school clubs, homework support, healthy organic low sugar meal requirements etc whilst trying to hold down a career.

Absolutely this.

I'm so lazy I can't be arsed having another kid. Do I win??

Nah, we'll see some badly written article in the daily fail instead.

I think you have to witness someone being lazy to actually know they’re a lazy parent. Some of the things people are describing (kids without basic feeding skills) are actually due to parents who are anything but lazy and instead helicopter and do everything for their children, thus preventing them from ever learning any independent skills. my DPs ex is like this, loves her kids to pieces but Disney parents the hell out of them so that the youngest wouldn’t even put on his own shoes at hers (he’s 5) and still uses a potty there, even though he uses the toilet at his dads. I would never describe her as a lazy parent, though.

There is so much judging on here though! By the standards set on this thread I’m a lazy parent with each of my four children for different things- so someone assuming because my 8 yo won’t drink water I don’t try- but my other three do drink water, I just have one that acts like you’re poisoning them as they drink and looks like you’ve sentenced them to death. I know if I send in water to school that he’ll leave it or just sip after a lot of exercise so why would I do that!!

Same with one only eating beige foods- dh cooks a huge variety at healthy meals but we have battled hard over the years with 15yo and then realised the rest of his diet made up for his dinners.

My 12yo potty trained at nearly 5 after 2and a half years of trying- No sn just was not bothered and we were at our wits end with preschool telling us to relax.

One of my children always looks grubby, even an hour after a shower-he attracts muck!
And 8 yo takes out eg colours or books in the morning to go over homework/do some colouring etc and inevitably we’re in such a rush to get out (dh and I need to get to work and the kids go to two different schools), something might get left behind (this is to the teacher who says they know why every single disorganised parent is disorganised!)

ps I send in what looks like an unhealthy lunch with one of my children (cereal bars/brioche/croissant with a frube /petit filous and some crackers and popcorn ). Said child eats all around him at home but hates the taste of sandwiches or wraps out of a lunch box.