What do you make of parents who…

[Tupl]

Go away for a week and leave their baby with grandparents when the baby is two months old?

I admit it, I judged. I know I shouldn’t, I just can’t imagine handing over my baby so young for so long?!

I can assure anyone who is concerned about trauma that my children were not affected by being left with their grandparents at a young age, ( 3 months) while we went on holiday. They are both now in their 30’s, did well at school and university, work very hard in well paid careers, have long term partners and own their own houses. I have a very strong bond with them and we are in daily contact and see them regularly.

I appreciate that some parents would not do that but that does not make me a bad parent. There are some current parenting methods which are very different to how children were raised thirty years ago but I don’t comment or criticise them as I’m aware that things change and evolve.

I totally agree. I think it's extremely unlikely that there's any evidence to suggest long term harm to a baby from leaving them with Grandparents for a week. I think that's why people need to temper some of the things they're saying. Absolutely fine for it to go against your gut instinct (it goes against mine, I wouldn't do it), but making claims about long term harm and trauma based on your 'gut instinct' isn't helpful or kind. It's good for a parenting forum to be both helpful and kind..... imo at least! There's no value in competitive parenting/shaming other people for their choices.

I could not leave mine when tiny babies as all ebf. I left my 7 year old for a week to go on honeymoon and felt guilty even though he was with Nanny and favourite Auntie and taken out everyday somewhere nice. I rang him every evening and bought him a little gift everyday I was away.

Maybe I should reflect on the implications of leaving my daughter, aged 3 months, with my mother. She was fully breast fed but accepted bottles of formula which my mum gave her. I expressed milk several times a day so I was able to resume breast feeding after the week away. Easy peasy - or so I thought! I was one of those who thought you could not get pregnant when breast feeding - hence the 15 month gap between the two, baby conceived while I was away!

A very much welcomed and loved “mistake” which sealed our family of three children.

Our friends did this 🙈 I was so shocked. I think the baby was a little older and with its big brother (under 2). I couldn't believe the grandparents agreed to it!!

At 2 months old I think that’s really strange personally!
I couldn’t do that now and she’s 2!

Totally normal where I am. Loads of kids have sleepovers at GPs from a few weeks old and then once a week. A woman I used to know went back to work after 2 weeks (self employed), both sets of GPs looked after baby overnight and daily regularly.

I wouldn't judge in the slightest and as baby was with loving family, I can't see a problem at all

I would think they are shit, selfish parents

No judgement here. Too soon for me personally but each to their own.

Here is one, there are more. It’s sad how uninformed people are generally about attachment theory. It is more emotionally palatable for adults of course to believe that babies are so unaffected by what we do.

I wondered whether to post this given it’s hard information for pps who have had unavoidable separations from their infants, but I think it’s important to challenge the idea that concern about this is ‘pearl clutching’. A baby’s physical neural pathways and inner model of what relationships look like is being formed by the day, during the first 3 years. A separation like this introduces a sense that ‘important people leave me’, which attachment theorists suggest can be persistent. The fact that there are anecdotal instances of well adjusted children who have been left doesn’t change the overall science, and intuition of this, like pps have said.

www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3115616/

Not sure I could have done it at 2 months but we won a 10 day holiday to Hawaii, first class flights and stay in the Four Seasons on Kona when DD1 was 10 months. I did not think twice about going and am so glad I did 😂

Glad you posted this. As I stated earlier, there are several studies into it and yes it is proven that a week long separation between parent and baby at under two years of age does indeed have a detrimental effect.

I literally don’t care about this at all. As in,
no judgements, so long as the baby is left with someone who was willing and that they will be fed, safe, warm and loved.
I didn’t leave mine that young but left our first at 3 months for a night and then 2 nights at 6 months (wedding) and probably did the same with subsequent babies. We didn’t do a week away from them until they were teenagers and the little one was about 7 but we had 3 kids and the logistics was always a bit tricky! We did always have the odd night away when they were little though. Not a week, no, but no judgements from me.

I agree with this.

It's not in the best interest of the child. By a really really long way. And yes, I appreciate "happy mum, happy baby" but a week away from primary caregiver is not good for baby's brain development.

A two month old might find the PGL a bit of a challenge😂

Yes I judged them. She left him for 10 days when they had covid… and then posted themselves on a date night before collecting him. (They were away from their month old baby 9 days and had to have an extra day for a date night!) and now at 8 weeks they’ve gone skiing for a week and in her insta stories she said “we are planning a lot of holidays this year and some we won’t be bringing the baby to as we don’t feel it’s right to bring a baby all that way etc”
She is coming across as completely self absorbed and selfish.

Have you read the study or just the title? There was more factors than just the separation “These modest associations with early separation may be explained in part by the fact that the sample is extremely disadvantaged. Eighty-nine percent lived in poverty, 39% were teenage mothers, 46% lacked a high school diploma or GED, and 74% lived without a male partner at baseline. These characteristics serve individually and cumulatively as risks to early cognitive and socioemotional development” - Maybe that has more to do with the detrimental affect than just being left for one week.

I personally think 2 months is too young to be left for a week but it does depend on the circumstances. If grandparents are giving adequate care and all the babies needs are met and they are happy and comforted then they’ll be fine.

Not at all. My dd stayed with my parents overnight at 3 weeks old because I was exhausted. Then not long after when I was having new carpets fit, due to dust etc. My parents were able to build an amazing bond with dd and these sleep overs allowed me to transition back to work more easily.

I had terrible PND and I'm not sure how I would have coped without my parents, I had major trust issues in my own parenting ability, unfounded but I felt useless, but knew dd was super safe with my parents so I could actually switch off.

I would never judge a parent for needing a break, it's a hard job!

I think it's fine to be honest. The parents will miss the baby and the baby won't notice at all.

If it's about that MIC couple I think it is absolutely dreadful. All so they could go on an effing skiing trip. Unbelievable.

I would think they had their reasons and was fuck all to do with me let alone start a mum's net post

Pretty much all of my friends, myself included, have lots of family and overnight support with our kids and none of us would have dreamt of leaving a two month old for a week. A night, maybe (although with my youngest who was prem I couldn’t even manage that at that age - the first time I tried I ended up going to fetch him after a couple of hours). I don’t think lots of people do this tbh. People off Made in Chelsea aren’t exactly known for their great parenting though, much as many of them try to be. I’d sooner let a Rottweiler babysit than most of the perfect-mummy influencer ones who originated on MiC.

I wouldn't think anything of it.perhaps the mother is really struggling with new motherhood and needs a break. Whatever the reason, none of my business. I would have an opinion if the baby was being abused or neglected, but a loving relative looking after it while the parents have a holiday? Fine.

Although I don't understand how any mother could be parted from a small baby and at two months they are just smiling, it's a golden time