What do you make of parents who…

[Tupl]

Go away for a week and leave their baby with grandparents when the baby is two months old?

I admit it, I judged. I know I shouldn’t, I just can’t imagine handing over my baby so young for so long?!

I’m not sure I’d ‘judge’. I breast fed my children so that just wouldn’t have been an option. I guess I’d be surprised, but that would be all.

Before I had children I have to say I wouldn’t have given it a single, solitary thought.

I would have done it. Maybe not for a week but 3 nights - hells yeah

It wouldn't be my choice.

But as long as the baby is familiar with the grandparents then it's fine. They're not going to be lying in bed wondering where their mum is at this age! All the talk of being traumatised because their main caregiver is gone/not knowing if they'll come back etc. is nonsense. They're far too small for that. If they're being fed and cuddled by someone they know (or even that they don't tbh) they'll be fine.

What these parents are actually being judged on is their ability to do it, their lack of crippling parent guilt. We've been taught that it makes you a good parent to be wracked with guilt and anxiety, that this equals love/a great bond. People who lack it have something wrong with them (already a post suggesting depression, for example).

@WeWereInParis well obviously not an adult but I think that goes without saying and doesn't need to be spelt out

Nope couldn't leave my baby

My eldest is 11 and no wouldn't want to leave her either ! My choice my preference
Don't have the need to be away for that long

I wouldn't have & yes sorry but I would judge!
Left my eldest for 2 nights to go to wedding in France when he was about 1yo. Mine are 10 and 7 now and go away for a couple of nights here and there with cubs, school etc. I'd really miss them if it was a whole week though!

Also to add my eldest has had sleep overs at nannies and away with school for 5 days PGL
But that's her going away for her benefit
Poster has implied they are going away leaving baby - not something I would do
Doenst make someone judgemental for NOT choosing to do something that someone else would but they've asked 🙄

It's not about another adult cannot provide basic care but the absence of the parents will certainly effect the child's development.

I would love to see some evidence for this?! What a claim! A week away, leaving them with Grandparents, will CERTAINLY effect the child's development?! I mean it sounds like bullshit, but please post the link to the research.

Have a colleague who left her DS at 3 months old to go to Bali for 3 weeks. Left him with her parents, one of whom has severe MH issues, and has been sectioned several times before and since.
Did I judge her and her DH? Sure as hell I did. Selfish is as selfish does.

I couldn't have done this myself. I'd be worried about PND or circumstances, therefore wouldn't judge. I felt upset enough about leaving baby at 9 weeks to go to the cinema, not to mention my boobs were the size of two basketballs when I returned!

Oh and baby wouldn't take feed that I'd painfully expressed so that didn't help either!

You can't say you 'wouldn't think anything of it' if you don't have children.

Completely disagree with this. They won't have separation anxiety, but the initial few weeks are important for forming a bond between child and parent, especially their mother who they lived inside for 9 or so months. They see and hear them every day, so suddenly disappearing after 8 weeks can absolutely be distressing or confusing. Having a whole week apart interrupts that process and not having the familiar smell, touch, voice etc of the parent and not having the ability to understand that they will be coming back could be detrimental.

Yes I judge, and I’m ok with that. I’ve never come across that. There’s no way that this is a good situation for a baby. Perhaps if the parents are struggling so much that it is impacting their responding to baby so dreadfully, then maybe. But in my mind this is a woeful misunderstanding of an infants attachment needs that could have more of a lasting impact than they probably realise, sadly.

Even now i would miss dcs like crazy, they're little (5 & toddler). I'd find it difficult to leave them over night, they would miss me too. I like to tuck them in at night. Everyone is different though.

I'd judge, I don't understand why you'd have kids if you're willing to ditch your baby after a couple of months for a week. A night, fine; but a week seems alot! And 2 months is still so young. And I'm very much a parent who is happy to have a babysitter anytime, I assumed when I had a baby I'd have to make some sacrifices 🤷‍♀️

It wouldn’t bother me at all. I was born in August and my parents went away for a week when I was around 6 weeks old, I stayed with a lovely aunt. No one can really believe this would have a lasting effect on the baby.

@Judgyjudgy

', I assumed when I had a baby I'd have to make some sacrifices 🤷‍♀️'

I think this is just it, some people expect their lives to go on as normals, and not change after having a baby.

Personally I'm not arguing that it will have an effect that will last into adulthood, but it could have an effect during that week they're away, and that matters too.

It makes my chest hurt just thinking about it.
I think it’s really sad.

A lot of conjecture here.

Firstly, they are beyond the first 'few weeks'. You have no idea of the bond between this mother and her child.

Also, we don't know that the grandparents don't see and care for the child everyday. They may well be as familiar smell/touch/sound wise as the father at this point.

And babies seek comfort and nutrition first and foremost at this age, if they're getting that from loved and known people, they should be fine.

Your objections seem quite opinion based rather than supported by any concrete developmental information. Which is absolutely fine, when you make decisions for your own child, but you shouldn't judge other people based on nothing other than what you THINK. If you've got some links to evidence then do post because it would really add to this discussion.

I'd assume PND, and/or struggle to bond with the baby, or a coercive relationship. Nature generally makes sure mothers don't want to leave their newborns for long periods (for obvious survival reasons) so for the mother to feel able to leave for a week indicates that something isn't right. Baby will likely be fine, but it's not normal.

I'm not sure it would have a lasting effect, but you do have to wonder. Surely anyone, even an adult would be distressed if someone disappeared for a week or more, wouldn't it make sense a baby would too?

Sorry yes I knew you didn't mean an adult. I just wasn't sure if you meant a baby at any age (so maybe an older baby than the one in the OP), or a child of any age.

I knew someone who did it and i judged her enormously at the time. Off she went for two weeks to a wedding abroad. But looking back, I realise I was judging through my own lens - my parents were unreliable and my Dc had very complex SEN needs which meant I couldn;t leave DS2 with anyone except DH. No one could keep him alive except us for a few years.

If I'd had a really healthy hearty baby and doting grandparents, I might have not judged.

2 months is pretty early but I'm sure they will have had their reasons and it's really none of my business.