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Original poster

Doorstepped by angry mum

117 replies

mummymcphee · 12/02/2023 13:25

Was at home yesterday afternoon enjoying some quiet time without the kids when I looked out to see one of the mums from school marching up my path with her DD 11 who was crying.

She wanted to confront my DD for excluding her DD f excluding her and not inviting her to a sleepover during half term.

Her DD looked very upset and the mum was demanding we got the girls together on the spot to discuss my DD bullying her daughter. She said a voicemail had been sent from my DD's phone from an older girl telling her not to join them for skateboarding as she wasn't welcome as she had sworn at them all the previous night.

I was aware that the DD of angry mum had sworn at the girls and tbh has said some awful things in the past and the school has dealt with it really well.

Anyway the mum told me I was pathetic and probably didn't even know where my DD was and that she was going to discuss it all with the head teacher ( for context mum is head of PTA) after half term. She mentioned I was shaking.... I was as I was feeling ambushed in my safe space. TBH I feel sorry for her DD as she seems very unhappy.

Any ideas how I should approach this should I email the school ? Everything that has happened took place in half term so I don't know why she is going to them.

OP posts:
Herja · 12/02/2023 19:18

Just tell her you're not discussing bullying with an adult bully and to fuck off if she comes again.

Worst that will happen is a punch or so to the face (and that's unlikely) and that doesn't hurt so much really. If she reacts badly, just think how satisfying her being arrested will be.

margesimpson40 · 12/02/2023 19:22

Crossthebridge · 12/02/2023 14:13

No wonder the NHS is in such a state, if people are calling them about things like this!

Show quote history

It wasnt the nhs they were calling it was clearly non emergency police.

You comment is high-handed at best and a poor attempt at being snide at worst.

Its little wonder the country is in the state it is with people like you residing here. OP clearly uspet, a single mum ambushed in her safe space by a quite ridiculous woman with too much time on her hands. Now off you fuck and next time think about the impact your snipe has on the people in your firing line,

ps ive thought about the impact my comment could potentially have on you and im not going to lie to you i dont give a flying fuck.

JudgyMuch · 12/02/2023 19:29

The woman is unhinged, and I'd swerve her completely from now onwards. Your DDs are heading for secondary school, so you'll probably never have to see her again after this summer.

Your mention of the Year 9 girl who's "young for her age" is ringing alarm bells, though. I wouldn't have wanted my DD to be friends with someone like that when she was in Year 6. It's very easy for even the nicest child to find themself somehow involved in unpleasantness with these kinds of friendships.

I wouldn't necessarily go in with "you are not allowed to be friends with X any more", but I might be finding alternative activities to do with my DD if it looks as if they're likely to be meeting up.

ZekeZeke · 12/02/2023 19:29

It sounds like your DD and her friends have been bullying this girl- disgusting behaviour.

I would 100% cancel the sleepover.
Your DD is not innocent in this. She needs to understand standing by and allowing her phone to be used to abuse and bully another person has consequences.

Atovell · 12/02/2023 19:30

Just tell her to fuck off and get a life

Tlittle · 12/02/2023 19:32

The exact same thing happened to me a few days ago and I am also a single mum and found it intimidating . I still have anxiety about it. Her kid got kicked by mine but forgot to mention that hers had kicked mine first.
It's horrible when you have to see them at the school gate and they in the popular school mum crew.

C4ou56 · 12/02/2023 19:38

Some mums are bonkers and try to force their own issues on others. My daughter recently started her school's nursery. She had her first play date last week. The next day she ended up walking home from school with play date child and another child. In the 5 minutes we’d spent walking out of the school gates my child was visibly closer to play date child as they’d actually played together. I explained to the other mum her child might want to join the two children on their next play date and was told no it was obvious they’d exclude her! As mum I'd have gone out of my way to ensure she was included and if it wasn't the right fit then we'd have known and could move on.

If the mum comes again do you feel comfortable explaining she’s coming across as too emotional to speak about this rationally and you are closing your door and will think about how you’d like to proceed? I wouldn't email the school about this now as it happened outside of school but I'd make notes in case its relevant to anything that happens in the future.

BloggersBlog · 12/02/2023 19:45

@margesimpson40
Its little wonder the country is in the state it is with people like you residing here.

😂😂 not sure @Crossthebridge can get the blame for the state the country is in after only putting a "snide remark" on an internet forum 😂

Though why people get 111 (like the word "ill" = NHS) and 101 (like POL = police) mixed up so often I really dont know blooming annoying

Original poster
mummymcphee · 12/02/2023 19:47

Tlittle I am sorry this has happened to you as well. It leaves you feeling rubbish and when you are a single parent there is nobody to support you. Thank goodness for some of the support here.

I am very aware that the people concerned that my daughter is a bully are basing this on the distress Angry mums DD was in. And the fact that my DD allowed her phone to be used in this way. The girl who has been excluded from the group ( and exclusion is also a form of bullying ) has a long history of mean comments about weight, DDs lack of a dad at home and lack of money. She is only 11 but is really unpleasant at times

OP posts:
Orangetiger69 · 12/02/2023 20:07

To my mind, it sounds like your DD has indeed been involved with bullying this other girl. If the other girl has sworn at a group of your DD friends, that’s not nice but do you know why? It sounds like the group including your DD has turned on her, your DD has certainly co-operated in that group mentality by allowing her phone to be used. The fact that someone was heard in the background calling her a bitch implies the group involvement and I believe your DD is far from innocent. I think maybe don’t assume your DD is the victim here.

anomaly23 · 12/02/2023 20:19

Your daughter isn't innocent in all this. It was her phone and another in the friendship group that left an unkind message.

I would be cancelling the sleepover due to the girls behaviour.

LeandraDear · 12/02/2023 20:20

mummymcphee · 12/02/2023 19:47

Tlittle I am sorry this has happened to you as well. It leaves you feeling rubbish and when you are a single parent there is nobody to support you. Thank goodness for some of the support here.

I am very aware that the people concerned that my daughter is a bully are basing this on the distress Angry mums DD was in. And the fact that my DD allowed her phone to be used in this way. The girl who has been excluded from the group ( and exclusion is also a form of bullying ) has a long history of mean comments about weight, DDs lack of a dad at home and lack of money. She is only 11 but is really unpleasant at times

Regardless of how much of a shit this little girl is , something has gone badly wrong here and you don't seem to be too worried about your daughter's involvement in it. I know we all want to defend our children but unfortunately there is a recorded message here.

JudgyMuch · 12/02/2023 20:22

It's a bit telling that you aren't engaging with any of the comments about your DD's friendship with this older girl, when the older girl is clearly not a good influence on her. A Year 9 girl shouldn't be sending unpleasant messages to a Year 6 girl, even if the Year 6 girl is herself not very nice. Is there a reason why you have allowed your DD to continue with his rather dodgy friendship?

Mumclub · 12/02/2023 20:22

So your daughter is a bully and now you are feeling intimidated by a bully… sounds like karma to me. Raise your child to be kind and maybe you won’t have hurt (or angry in your words) parents on your doorstep. Also if you honestly believe your daughter just left her phone on the side and this girl used it without her knowledge then you must be very naive.

JudgyMuch · 12/02/2023 20:23

I would be cancelling the sleepover, too, on the grounds that your DD needs to make some better friends.

Original poster
mummymcphee · 12/02/2023 20:25

Mumclub I think you might be angry mum welcome!

OP posts:
onemorerose · 12/02/2023 20:27

Sorry I also don’t believe your dd had no awareness of her phone being used. I do think there is more going on than you know about.

ZekeZeke · 12/02/2023 20:28

mummymcphee · 12/02/2023 20:25

Mumclub I think you might be angry mum welcome!

Unfair! Mum club said it better than the rest of us

Orangetiger69 · 12/02/2023 20:33

“I am very aware that the people concerned that my daughter is a bully are basing this on the distress Angry mums DD was in.”

Not me, I’m pretty sure I’d be hurt and upset (angry) if my DD had a voice message from a group of other kids. I’m basing my concern that your daughter is a bully on the fact she allowed her phone to be used. Snapping at someone and swearing is quite different from a group planning to leave a nasty message, the intent is clearly to hurt and bully.

Mumclub · 12/02/2023 20:39

Sorry to disappoint but she hasn’t arrived yet :)

JudgyMuch · 12/02/2023 20:41

OP, I get that you've had a horrible experience, and the other mother is clearly inadequate to have come storming round to your house. But that shouldn't stop you from nipping your DD's unsuitable friendships in the bud. You don't seem to be engaging with any of that.

NeedSomeSpace · 12/02/2023 20:43

I would be very concerned about my Year 6 child hanging around skateboarding with a Year 9 child (even if they were a bit young for their age). It just isn't appropriate and clearly has culminated in the phone call.

I also would cancel the sleepover, mostly because I'd be concerned about kids and unsupervised phones, and potentially something else being sent/posted online that fans the flames. I would replace the sleepover with something else where your DD and her friends are engaged in an activity without phones.

Original poster
mummymcphee · 12/02/2023 20:53

Judgymuch the older girl in question is not a close friend of DD's they are a group of girls who skateboard together. I work full time and do long shifts so Dd goes to a friends house after school. I accept I need to change the dynamic here.

If you ask the teacher of the girls in this class she is aware of angry mums views and feels that her Dd is often inappropriate with mean comments and behaviours and that my DD is not a bully. This teacher has taught my daughter for the last 2 years.

OP posts:
JudgeJ · 12/02/2023 21:00

Lostinplaces · 12/02/2023 13:35

Should have shut the door in her face, fucking lunatic. Complain to the school, she definitely shouldn’t be showing up on parent’s doorsteps intimidating them. She needs sacking from the PTA.

Shut the door in her face but only after telling her, Go ahead punk, make my day! and laughing at her. Her type hate that!

LexMitior · 12/02/2023 21:21

Mumclub has wisdom.

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