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Parenting

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Original poster

Doorstepped by angry mum

117 replies

mummymcphee · 12/02/2023 13:25

Was at home yesterday afternoon enjoying some quiet time without the kids when I looked out to see one of the mums from school marching up my path with her DD 11 who was crying.

She wanted to confront my DD for excluding her DD f excluding her and not inviting her to a sleepover during half term.

Her DD looked very upset and the mum was demanding we got the girls together on the spot to discuss my DD bullying her daughter. She said a voicemail had been sent from my DD's phone from an older girl telling her not to join them for skateboarding as she wasn't welcome as she had sworn at them all the previous night.

I was aware that the DD of angry mum had sworn at the girls and tbh has said some awful things in the past and the school has dealt with it really well.

Anyway the mum told me I was pathetic and probably didn't even know where my DD was and that she was going to discuss it all with the head teacher ( for context mum is head of PTA) after half term. She mentioned I was shaking.... I was as I was feeling ambushed in my safe space. TBH I feel sorry for her DD as she seems very unhappy.

Any ideas how I should approach this should I email the school ? Everything that has happened took place in half term so I don't know why she is going to them.

OP posts:

OodieSmoodie · 12/02/2023 14:44

I’d report to police straight away. Then if she does anything else at all they can visit her and give her a warning about harassment.

Then deal with your DD separately about the message etc, that’s unpleasant behaviour and needs to be nipped in the bud, plus apology to the girl.

LakeTiticaca · 12/02/2023 14:52

Best bit of advice I was ever given when my children started school was never fall out with the mums/dad's. Unless it's something very serious I think that is good advice.
Back in the 60s when I was a youngster my mother would never dream of interfering in my disagreements with friends. She told me to either stay away from said person or patch things up with them. As far as I remember most other mothers followed the same principal, apart from one psycho mother who accused us of pushing her son down a manhole , which was nonsense
(the lid was too heavy 😉)

Original poster

mummymcphee · 12/02/2023 15:01

Thanks for the advice. I work for the NHS myself and wouldn't dream of calling the police when I know our day to day. I will of it happens again or if her husband gets involved.

I will email the school. I am tempted to cancel the sleepover as this is what has sparked everyone off.

Angry mum has been blocked on social media and will not feature on my radar an the school run.

OP posts:

Duckingella · 12/02/2023 15:09

The mum sounds like a bully herself.You can guarantee she's been an entitled little queen bee her entire life.

What normal person rocks up at someone's door with a sobbing kid in tow who's obviously crying with embarrassment and wants to lay into a 11 year kid?

Queen Bee sounds absolutely batshit.

Duckingella · 12/02/2023 15:11

And please don't cancel the sleepover;if your dd doesn't want queen bees daughter in attendance then that's her choice.

Thepurplelantern · 12/02/2023 15:12

She is clearly a very immature person handling the situation in that way. There is a woman in my son’s school that goes in with guns blazing at every opportunity and handles situations similar to the way that you experienced today. I’ve always thought that it must be a really tiresome way to go through life.

In these types of situation I always try to placate and deescalate in the moment to buy myself some time and make some empathetic sounding noises in the moment with absolute no promises behind them and get rid of the person asap. Then deal with the situation directly with your child.

Personally I would tell my daughter that I would think it was best to step back massively from the situation/other child. I would try to get to the bottom of my child’s responsibility in the issues (guaranteed she has some) and I would tackle that directly with my daughter.

I personally wouldn’t be contacting the school and I would only engage with them if they came to me with an issue between the girls and then I would set them straight and move on.

Pardon44 · 12/02/2023 15:50

mummymcphee · 12/02/2023 15:01

Thanks for the advice. I work for the NHS myself and wouldn't dream of calling the police when I know our day to day. I will of it happens again or if her husband gets involved.

I will email the school. I am tempted to cancel the sleepover as this is what has sparked everyone off.

Angry mum has been blocked on social media and will not feature on my radar an the school run.

Don't cancel the sleepover. Your daughter is entitled to invite who she wants to her sleepover. If the girl wasn't swearing maybe she would get invited. Actions have consequences.

If thes angry mum confronts you again tell her to take it up with the school and close the door on her. She has no business coming to your house.

Original poster

mummymcphee · 12/02/2023 15:58

Thankyou Thepurplelantern I think trying to calm everything down is the best approach. I will definitely have a word with my DD about her role in this and how she uses her phone in future. She has only had it for four months.

The girls only have 6 months of primary school left. My DD and her friends have all had a great time and the only negative has unfortunately been the difficulty this little girl with low self esteem has had in getting along with everyone.

OP posts:

FlippyFloppyShoe · 12/02/2023 16:11

Wow she sounds a lot. To be honest does it matter what has gone on between the girls, your DD can invite who she wants round your house fairly or unfairly, god forbid any societal law dictates who we must invite into our homes.
Not sure I would involve the school, none of their business really. I think I would avoid the mum and if she comes to talk about it again think I would say that I didn't feel comfortable talking to her and if she wanted to write her concerns to me and then I would consider her perspective.

HazardaGuest · 12/02/2023 16:43

If you felt threatened you should call 101. You won’t be wasting police time, just say you want to log the incident in case anything happens in future. If you call in a week saying something has happened this will be treated as a first incident, whereas if you have already logged one the second can be added on to paint a picture.

FlippyFloppyShoe · 12/02/2023 17:00

What is it with people wanting to involve schools or police in every little minor disagreement in life? Ignore, move on. I'm sure the police and school would like to teach/catch actual criminals than deal with this.

lljkk · 12/02/2023 17:03

I've been on PTAs for years. I wish I had some pull with HTs as a result! I am just so happy when (it's rare) they do anything to support our fundraisers.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 12/02/2023 17:18

Karmakamelion · 12/02/2023 13:39

I'm sure coming to your house and shouting at you isn't legal. I would be talking to 111 and saying how she frightened you. Anybody that entitled needs a short sharp shock.
The apple definitely doesn't fall far from the tree in this case

I'm pretty sure a parent coming to another parents house and having a verbal confrontation one time is legal. The police won't care... they're busy and unless she threatened OP it's not a police matter.

Debini · 12/02/2023 17:48

Eh? I assume she meant 101, the non emergency police number x

lieselotte · 12/02/2023 18:00

The school has no influence and no part to play in the private social lives of pupils outside school hours/in school holidays. Nobody is "obliged" to invite any child to sleepovers (or anything else

This. Don't do anything OP. If the mother approaches you again tell her to go away and stay away. Otherwise, get on with your life.

Wagt · 12/02/2023 18:10

Karmakamelion · 12/02/2023 13:39

It’s 101 for non-urgent police advice.

111 is the NHS.

Boohisspiss · 12/02/2023 18:10

Don’t call the police. Do you not think they’ve got enough to do without mediating ridiculous spats? She’s a mad cow, but she didn’t shove a knife in your face.

Piffpaffpoff · 12/02/2023 18:17

Similar thing happened here with similar Queen Bee vibes.

I did quietly tell the school in an FYI way, asked for them to be moved apart and asked for a watching eye to be kept as DD had been very upset and frightened by the mum coming to the house and shouting.

In your position I’d probably also be suggesting that, regardless of the alleged issue, this was inappropriate and threatening behaviour by the head of the PTA and asking what action the HT will be taking to address this

I blocked her on every social media and dd did the same with the girl.

Theunamedcat · 12/02/2023 18:23

Email the school make them aware of the situation better that then them being blindsided by ptas mum accusing uour child of bullying detail the email telling them what happened the voice mail from dds phone and the steps you have taken to address this

I've recently had to do similar some parents are mental I asked them to be kept apart who would have thought being asked to switch seats would cause such a fucking meltdown

WinnieFosterReads · 12/02/2023 18:24

Cancelling the sleepover is a good idea. Not because the other girl wasn't invited but because there is obviously inappropriate behaviour in your DD's friend group eg the other girl using your DD's phone to leave a bullying message.

Email the school but stick to facts. Atm it seems you know your DD's phone was used to leave a bullying message and that the other mum came to you about it.

It sounds as though you're accepting your DD and her friends' version of events regarding the other girl swearing, etc. The school might have a different view.

SweetStrawberry · 12/02/2023 18:26

how sure are you that your DD and her friends haven't been bullying this other girl?

leaving voice notes, when they are obviously all together, this girl apparently randomly swearing at them (going to hazard a guess it wasn't just out of the blue), not being invited to a sleepover (how does she even know about this sleepover that everyone else is going to), this girl being visibly upset.

not excusing the mum turning up at your house like that but unless her daughter is a raving lunatic who makes up far fetched lies whilst going around swearing for no reason, in which case she clearly needs help, I doubt very very much if your DD and her other friends are completely innocent and haven't done anything. At the very least, your daughter has allowed another child to use her phone to leave this girl a nasty voicemail.

Moobae · 12/02/2023 18:33

She’s a horrible parent. Her poor child. Not sure what you should do though it’s a hard one

tillyoumakeit · 12/02/2023 18:33

Ugh that sounds horrible and very upsetting to happen at home.

The mum was 100% in the wrong to confront you in that way. However, you also need to be 100% certain that your DD isn't involved in bullying the other girl, and just as importantly that your DD isn't being intimidated into letting older children use her phone to dish out bullying. To be clear though, even if your DD was bullying or being unkind, the other mum was totally out of order.

Lifeisapeach · 12/02/2023 18:33

I’d be annoyed if my daughter received a voicemail like that from your daughters phone. Sounds like your daughter isn’t innocent in this. And while it’s your safe space or whatever …nobody should have to tolerate bullying and pretty unkind exclusion.

Nanny0gg · 12/02/2023 18:35

SweetStrawberry · 12/02/2023 18:26

how sure are you that your DD and her friends haven't been bullying this other girl?

^^This

Out of interest, how big is the school? It's not a tiny one where it's obvious if one is left out is it?

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