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Original poster

I don’t know if I like certain things about my son…

88 replies

Sarahopkins514 · 01/02/2023 16:29

Hello,

I know I sound like a terrible person. But my son is 2 and a half and there are so many aspects of his behaviour that I just don’t like. He snatches all the time despite me having loads of conversations about it. He hits other children. He doesn’t listen. He screams until he gets his way (although I try very hard not to give in). He is deliberately loud to try and wake up babies (not mine might I add, other peoples). I’m trying so hard to correct his behaviour, redirect him, tell him why things aren’t okay, talk things through. I have even lost it and shouted, but he never listens. We go to toddler groups or activities and the other children are always listening to instructions and participating and my son just doesn’t. At swimming, all the other children (the same age) participate in the lessons and my son just ignores it all and me and messes around. I don’t know what to do, I’m so embarrassed all the time by him, other parents giving us the ‘look’ but not matter what I do it fails. I tell him we will have to leave etc and he doesn’t care.

how do I change this? Or is he just this way? When he’s like this I don’t want to do anything with him, I hate it. I feel sorry for other parents whose children get disrupted by mine who just will not listen to me or anyone else.

any suggestions? I don’t like these aspects of him. I love him to pieces but it’s just so humiliating to always be the parent of the naughty kid. I know all toddlers play up and want control etc, but this is constant, all the time. And I’m just so exhausted.

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JellyMouldJnr · 01/02/2023 16:32

It sounds very much within the range of normal two year old behaviour. My son was similar and I hated it! He grew out of it though. You just have to keep consistent with your responses, and don't assume people are looking at you negatively, most are probably thinking 'I'm glad its not my kid this time'!

Singleandproud · 01/02/2023 16:41

Every child with additional needs was once a toddler, try not to be too fed up with his behaviour as you have no idea if he has some additional needs that may be diagnosed in the future - or not. If he does have some then he can't help it and it's unfair to blame him for it.

Pick you battles and work on those, he messes around during swimming lessons - well that's OK stop the lessons and just take him swimming to have fun.

Snatching is totally normal, stop having discussions - pointless with a 2.5 year old and catch him being good with lots of praise when he doesn't snatch and does any other behaviour you want.

I'd perhaps spend more some time looking into child development so you can be confident that it's normal and not compare him to the children around him. You will be far more focused on his behaviour than anyone else.

Cuppasoupmonster · 01/02/2023 16:45

How do you discipline him? Removal of toys, switching off TV, no pudding?

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Cuppasoupmonster · 01/02/2023 16:46

@Singleandproud why additional needs?

Original poster
Sarahopkins514 · 01/02/2023 16:49

Additional needs? What makes you think he has additional needs? Is this something I should be worried about?

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Original poster
Sarahopkins514 · 01/02/2023 16:50

Cuppasoupmonster · 01/02/2023 16:45

How do you discipline him? Removal of toys, switching off TV, no pudding?

Only if they’re relevant. If he was playing up at swimming no pudding would t make any sense to him? I would instead remove him from the situation if it was impacting the others

OP posts:
Binfire · 01/02/2023 16:50

You’re doing all the right things. When people tell you that you need to redirect/ explain etc they never mention that you have to do it a thousand times before it sinks in!

Keep up the good work, he’ll get it eventually. He’s still very little. Keep modeling the behaviour you want to see and he’ll get there soon enough.

Original poster
Sarahopkins514 · 01/02/2023 16:51

JellyMouldJnr · 01/02/2023 16:32

It sounds very much within the range of normal two year old behaviour. My son was similar and I hated it! He grew out of it though. You just have to keep consistent with your responses, and don't assume people are looking at you negatively, most are probably thinking 'I'm glad its not my kid this time'!

Thank you, this does make me feel better. I just wish he’d listen to me a bit more, it’s all the time!

OP posts:
20viona · 01/02/2023 16:52

I mean I don't think it's 'normal' per se for him to want to wake up other sleeping babies... not sure. It's hard having a 2.5 year old. My daughter is now 3.5 and she's mainly lovely with the odd lunatic tantrum. 😂

JellyMouldJnr · 01/02/2023 16:52

It is perfectly normal for a two year old to snatch, and perfectly normal for them not to listen to instructions! Nothing about your post says 'additional needs' to me.

Binfire · 01/02/2023 16:52

Avoid arbitrary punishments as much as you can. Just focus on cooperation and model it as much as possible.
If you punish him you’ll get into a power struggle which can be really hard to get out of.
Just carry on as you are, you sound like you’ve got this!

flyingdino · 01/02/2023 16:53

Continue without losing your shit which is hard but there will be a day in the near future where you will realise you no longer have to give these instructions as it will come natural to him. Mine is nearly 4 and it's clicked but at 2.5 he was a nightmare. It was like holding a live hand grenade.

UWhatNow · 01/02/2023 16:55

JellyMouldJnr · 01/02/2023 16:32

It sounds very much within the range of normal two year old behaviour. My son was similar and I hated it! He grew out of it though. You just have to keep consistent with your responses, and don't assume people are looking at you negatively, most are probably thinking 'I'm glad its not my kid this time'!

It’s ‘within the range’ but it’s not typical to be like that constantly. Even the op says her son behaves differently to others in everyday situations. I would argue he won’t grow out of it unless a parent implements good discipline or finds out if there are additional needs and gets some support.

Op you do sound like you’re being managed by your child’s behaviour rather than the other way around. Have you tried deflecting, distracting, grey rock etc.? How do you respond to his behaviour when he hits, screams and grabs?

parrotonmyshoulder · 01/02/2023 16:55

I think you need to know more about childrens’s development. Try reading Margot Sunderland ‘The Science of Parenting’ or ‘How to Talk so Little Kids will Listen’. Or even ‘Playful Parenting’

Sucessinthenewyear · 01/02/2023 16:57

I think you need to read up on what is developmentally normal and how to interact with your child. It sounds like he isn’t ready for a structured swimming class, this is normal. He won’t understand that he can’t have pudding because of something he did 2 hours ago. I would never use food as punishment.

Original poster
Sarahopkins514 · 01/02/2023 17:11

Sucessinthenewyear · 01/02/2023 16:57

I think you need to read up on what is developmentally normal and how to interact with your child. It sounds like he isn’t ready for a structured swimming class, this is normal. He won’t understand that he can’t have pudding because of something he did 2 hours ago. I would never use food as punishment.

As I said I never would do this either, it was suggested by another poster. I said I would remove him from a situation if he was being very disruptive.

OP posts:
queenqueefy · 01/02/2023 17:12

The toddler stage was the worst for me. They are brutal. Sounds like he's doing what he's meant to be doing.

Not listening, snatching, making life generally hard for you 🤣 I hated it.

Been there, done that, glad it was over.

Then had another baby and about to go through it all again. Wish me luck.

StarShapedWindow · 01/02/2023 17:13

It’s normal behaviour- my son was exactly the same. I just avoided stricter classes until he was old enough to engage with them - all kids are different. My DD who is 3 yrs younger did exactly what she was told and I felt so relieved that it wasn’t my parenting at fault - my DS just wasn’t interested or engaged (he spent all of the music lesson exploring the fire hydrant on the wall 🙄)

DS is 14 now and perfectly normal and lovely

Original poster
Sarahopkins514 · 01/02/2023 17:13

UWhatNow · 01/02/2023 16:55

It’s ‘within the range’ but it’s not typical to be like that constantly. Even the op says her son behaves differently to others in everyday situations. I would argue he won’t grow out of it unless a parent implements good discipline or finds out if there are additional needs and gets some support.

Op you do sound like you’re being managed by your child’s behaviour rather than the other way around. Have you tried deflecting, distracting, grey rock etc.? How do you respond to his behaviour when he hits, screams and grabs?

Show quote history

I remove him from the situation, get down on his level and look him in the eyes. I ask him to look at me, then I tell him that he cannot do XYZ and why. I make my words firm and clear. Then I ask him to repeat it back to me so that he has understood. He does listen because he will bring it up later or another day, but then a few days later he’s snatching again because he wants something. He tells me you can’t snatch and must ask or wait but in the actual situation he doesn’t do what he knows if that makes sense.

OP posts:
MissWings · 01/02/2023 17:14

He might have additional needs or he might be just on the more spirited end of the spectrum. It’s too early to tell. Don’t be too hard on yourself though and try not to be embarrassed. Any mum who judges isn’t worth your time anyway. He’s only 2, perhaps he likes unstructured play more like soft play? My oldest hated the toddler groups and he would never cooperate with the singing at the end for example. He just wanted to run around burning up energy. Don’t do too many things that stress you out.

Original poster
Sarahopkins514 · 01/02/2023 17:15

Obviously as I said sometimes I lose it and shout because I’m a single parent with no family around, exhausted and stressed, but I do try and be consistent but I can’t cope sometimes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sarahopkins514 · 01/02/2023 17:16

MissWings · 01/02/2023 17:14

He might have additional needs or he might be just on the more spirited end of the spectrum. It’s too early to tell. Don’t be too hard on yourself though and try not to be embarrassed. Any mum who judges isn’t worth your time anyway. He’s only 2, perhaps he likes unstructured play more like soft play? My oldest hated the toddler groups and he would never cooperate with the singing at the end for example. He just wanted to run around burning up energy. Don’t do too many things that stress you out.

Why are people mentioning additional needs? This hadn’t even crossed my mind. Is this something I need to consider?

OP posts:
Original poster
Sarahopkins514 · 01/02/2023 17:16

MissWings · 01/02/2023 17:14

He might have additional needs or he might be just on the more spirited end of the spectrum. It’s too early to tell. Don’t be too hard on yourself though and try not to be embarrassed. Any mum who judges isn’t worth your time anyway. He’s only 2, perhaps he likes unstructured play more like soft play? My oldest hated the toddler groups and he would never cooperate with the singing at the end for example. He just wanted to run around burning up energy. Don’t do too many things that stress you out.

Thank you though - and to everyone giving good advice and support. I will look up the books suggested

OP posts:
holierthanthou73 · 01/02/2023 17:17

Sounds like most toddlers OP. Take him away from the situation or take things away rather than the explanations, just be firm and consistent. It will pass it doesn’t last forever, honest it will be ok.

ShoesIBoughtYouAsAPresent · 01/02/2023 17:20

One of mine was like this. Noticeably worse behaved than other toddlers and impervious to parenting techniques that seemed to work well for others. I constantly felt judged and it was very isolating. Said child was diagnosed ASD mid primary school.