If you breastfed your first child did you breastfeed your next child? And why?

[Cleanqueennot]

I’m so exhausted with my baby at the moment. He is 6 months old and overnight he wakes every 1-2 hours, only breast feeding will settle him. Don’t want advice on settling techniques as have tried loads and not a fan of any training methods/theories. He is usually quite easy to settle back to sleep but the short bits of sleep are really not enough for me as I often can’t get back to sleep after settling him. During the day I am constantly on the go because he will only nap in his pram so I go for 1 long or 2 short walks a day to get him to nap but then by about 5pm he needs another nap but I just can’t do another walk! Im exhausted and talking to others it seems like they get to put their babies down for a nap and chill out for an hour or so during the day, I don’t even get a minute to myself as he will only nap on the move. Please don’t suggest a sling, like I said I’m not really looking for sleep methods for him I’ve tried them all. Husband recently has been working late and doesn’t get home until 6 or 7pm most nights and does what he can when he’s home but by the time he’s home I’m already at my wits end and exhausted. I honestly feel like I have nothing to look forward to. I just live for the weekend when husband can take over more! I feel guilty because it’s not how I thought I would be spending my maternity leave tbh.

All the other mums I meet at baby’s classes etc say their babies at a similar age are sleeping at least 3-4 hours at night and they can put them down for naps. All these babies are formula fed. Is it just coincidence that mine is breastfed and I’m going through all of this? I don’t want to quit breastfeeding him so please don’t suggest I do. Im more interested in hearing from mums that have actually breastfed as I don’t know anyone that has IRL. Im questioning whether to change my mindset and if I have another baby wondering whether formula would be better for them in that they would be a happier, more settled baby.

Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading. Please be kind. One sleep deprived mama here! X

That’s awful. Can you afford to get in a mothers help/teen babysitter in the afternoon from say 3:30 to 6pm so you can have a nap? I did that for a similarly exhausted mum when I was teen every week day after school.

I mostly BF mine for 15 months and 12 months but used the bottle too once a day from the first week.

I felt it was the best of both worlds as it gave me some freedom to have an hour or two to myself while DH did an occasional feed.

I could feel my stomach pulling while I breastfed and got my figure back pretty quickly. I didn't put on a lot of weight while pregnant but what I had soon went and some more.

Not sure if I would trust anyone else with my baby when he is hysterical and won’t nap inside the house tbh. I love my baby dearly and even I struggle to stay calm and collected with the constant crying/nap refusals. I really don’t think a teen would be calm enough or know what’s hit them. In fact, I’d go so far as saying I probably wouldn’t trust a qualified child minder. I would be worried that someone else could get annoyed with him when he’s at his worst!

I breastfed my older two til they were 14 months and my twins til they were 12 months. I don't think I could do bottles, having to do all that sterilising and actually preparing the bottle and taking them with you if you plan a day out it would be a nightmare for me. I much prefer being able to feed on demand wherever I am. My twins co slept with me (with safety measures in place) so that made things much easier at night tbh. They did wake in the night but I could still get a good night's sleep.

First one bf until 18m, 2nd never was able to latch so pumped for him for 12m. If I was to have another I'd pump again.

1st took forever to get to sleep and slep for 39 minutes at a time until he was 18m and I said no more, by which point I was going insane. He just never seemed all that contented by a feed and would be on off having feeds all the time. I get touched out even seeing friends bf their babies and they are on off so much. It was a lovely experience and I'm glad I got to do it but I did feel a bit overwhelmed by the amount he fed and breadt being his main source of comfort as well as food for so long.

2nd slept from weeks old and took 3h naps each day (still occasionally does at 3!). As he was bottle fed it was more scheduled and he never really needed to cry. I had to go to work at 3mpp so I'm glad i didn't feel so tied. I made enough milk for triplets so was able to reduce my pumping sessions down to 4 in 24h after he was 12w old. I enjoyed getting to sit down and do sweet fa while I was pumping. I loved seeing how much i was giving him. I loved feeding him with a bottle and being able to feed him as soon as he woke rather than feeding him to sleep

Youngest is now 3 and we have a lovely bond.

Bf my first for a bit over 2yrs and second to nearly 4. Anecdotally FF babies do seem to sleep better at night but I agree with pps that BF is definitely not the only factor, a lot is temperament, and how we parents go about it as we are learning.

With my first, we barely slept for 2yrs, it was horrific. But she did nap ok, so I didn’t have that aspect of the hell you are going through. But bu second time and having a 2yr old to care for, I sleep trained (gently) at 9mo and it was the best thing I ever did because I could suddenly enjoy everyone that bit more. I think also by second time that I had learned you could be baby led, without doing everything how baby wants. I’m not sure if this is you in any way, but I struggled so much with my first baby being distressed, I’d have done anything to make her happy. By time I had my second I understood that wee people are full of emotions and that I had to just support them with them. I suppose I am saying that because your child hates napping at home, doesn’t mean you need to kill yourself driving yourself into the ground with exhaustion. I believe you completely that nothing else ‘works’, but only from a model of ‘it is my job to stop him being hysterical’. I know when he’s distressed you just want him to be ok, of course you do, but actually it is worth considering that you can teach him that naps happen in cots, or on mum, or in buggy at home, whatever you feel is acceptable to get you a rest. Anyhoo I’ve just typed out the kind of post you’ve totally made clear you don’t want, so apologies, but I kind of wish I’d learned earlier that baby led doesn’t mean mummy’s needs nonexistent.

Look at home start. You can get a volunteer to come to your home once a week to help you.

No Home Start in my part of the country unfortunately!

DC1 bf on demand for 2 years and then another year weaning her off. On demand for her meant hourly. Rubbish eater and still is. She didn't sleep though till 2.5 and 1 4 hour stretch every now and then was a miracle. Serial cat napper and dropped naps around 1.5.

DC2 is breastfed on demand, 1.5 years in now. He can go hours without it, easily all do. Reasonably good eater unlike DC1. He slept through when he was younger but stopped around 6 months. A bad night for him though would have been a standard night for the first. Naps for hooouuurrrssss, just to forget he was there because he'd just drop off and was gone for half the day, rarely needs to contact nap.

I've done nothing different but they a very different, formula wouldn't have made DC1 much easier I'm quite sure but it would have been harder to calm her constantly and her teeth would have been at much greater risk of damage from bottles and dummied.

My son was FF for various reasons though I wanted to BF

he’s 16 months and still doesn’t sleep through, and up until 13 months he would only nap on me in a pitch black room (or out in the buggy). He did sleep through for about a month but stopped again.

I know this isn’t much advice but I admire you for not giving in to any form of sleep training. I find it cruel and like you don’t trust anybody else to have my LO either. But it will get better, one day it’ll improve.

@Cleanqueennot not sure if this resonates, but as a fellow pram-only-naps mum, I look back on the days my now 10mo was younger and I wonder if I just didn't have the time and the energy to give him all the sleep he needed/as often as he needed.

He's now on 2 naps which I manage fine (walk in the morning and shorter walk in the afternoon), but in the early days I struggled to have the time and the energy to walk 3 or more times per day.

Essentially your baby might not be getting quite the right amount of daytime sleep right now, but at some point their sleep needs will reduce and you'll find it much easier to meet them where they're at.

Does that make sense?

Yes, that does make sense and thank you. I am hanging on until he meets me in the middle as he gets older as you say. Right now he is definitely not getting all the sleep he needs but like you say I can’t keep up with his needs. He also needs feeds very regularly still pretty much every 2 hours during the day, sometimes more often. I’m hoping as he gets older he will be able to go longer between feeds and naps and I will be less exhausted and not chasing my tail all day!

It will absolutely happen, and when it does things will feel much easier.

Hang in there ❤️

I breastfed both mine. My first was an awful sleeper, my second (20 months now) has always been a great sleeper even as a small baby. I breastfed again because I knew of other breastfed babies who slept well and at least I could feed lying down to get sleep (after DD1's terrible reflux settled).

I literally came to MN to start a thread about why my babies are rubbish sleepers! Mine is second and 5 months old. With my first she was EBF for first 6 months and horrid sleeper. Started formula at 6 months and tbh did not do much. She was a horrid sleeper until almost 3y old. And by that meaning waking every hour or 2 on most nights until 3y old.

With DC2 with this thinking started formula get go and he used to throw up and be gassy so stopped for few weeks and guess what , when I tried starting again he absolutely rejected the bottle. Many many attempts and still nothing. So he is EBF. I really don't know if it's formula or not but same like you I keep reading all babies sleeping atleast few hours straight or napping well, my DC2 naps for 30mins whatever I do.. that's 3-4 naps and wakes up every 30-60 mins at night.
Just now I put him down half hour ago and he has woken up screaming while I am typing this! I don't know what it is other than sheer bad luck coz I like you I have tried everything. Cosleeping, cot sleeping even baby hammock but nothing works. Sorry no help but just to say you are not alone and mine both are like that! People generally get away with at least one decent sleeper I hear! I am exhausted and have an almost 4 year old as well so late mornings or weekends are not an option either. Sending hugs and if you do find something that works do let me know.

Thanks @Calphurnia88 your kind words mean so much and give me hope 🥲 motherhood has been the most magical but most scary journey of my life x

Oh @PuntoLon it’s good to hear I’m not alone. This thread is helping me so much to hear of other’s experiences. From what is being said, I think it’s just something we have to get through however we can and there is nothing we can do about it. It’s frustrating but also a bit liberating to know there’s nothing im doing ‘wrong’ and I think we just need to take each day as it comes, doing what we can to survive each day.

I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday. As soon as hubby got from from work I was by the door with my coat on m. Handed him the baby and I went for a drive alone, parked on a side street and just cried for 20 mins! We just have to do what we can to stay sane. We can do this 💪 ❤️

@Cleanqueennot exactly that!!
I had a meltdown myself first thing this morning coz of a horrendous night last night and coz DH did not wake up early enough to take over. He Cosleeps with elder DD. Literally handed both DC to him first thing and slept for an hour with a duvet over my head ignoring the crying I could hear downstairs! 💪🏽 hugs