If you breastfed your first child did you breastfeed your next child? And why?

[Cleanqueennot]

I’m so exhausted with my baby at the moment. He is 6 months old and overnight he wakes every 1-2 hours, only breast feeding will settle him. Don’t want advice on settling techniques as have tried loads and not a fan of any training methods/theories. He is usually quite easy to settle back to sleep but the short bits of sleep are really not enough for me as I often can’t get back to sleep after settling him. During the day I am constantly on the go because he will only nap in his pram so I go for 1 long or 2 short walks a day to get him to nap but then by about 5pm he needs another nap but I just can’t do another walk! Im exhausted and talking to others it seems like they get to put their babies down for a nap and chill out for an hour or so during the day, I don’t even get a minute to myself as he will only nap on the move. Please don’t suggest a sling, like I said I’m not really looking for sleep methods for him I’ve tried them all. Husband recently has been working late and doesn’t get home until 6 or 7pm most nights and does what he can when he’s home but by the time he’s home I’m already at my wits end and exhausted. I honestly feel like I have nothing to look forward to. I just live for the weekend when husband can take over more! I feel guilty because it’s not how I thought I would be spending my maternity leave tbh.

All the other mums I meet at baby’s classes etc say their babies at a similar age are sleeping at least 3-4 hours at night and they can put them down for naps. All these babies are formula fed. Is it just coincidence that mine is breastfed and I’m going through all of this? I don’t want to quit breastfeeding him so please don’t suggest I do. Im more interested in hearing from mums that have actually breastfed as I don’t know anyone that has IRL. Im questioning whether to change my mindset and if I have another baby wondering whether formula would be better for them in that they would be a happier, more settled baby.

Sorry for the long post and thanks for reading. Please be kind. One sleep deprived mama here! X

[Cleanqueennot]

@Motelschmotel

I breastfed both, first to 6 months and second to 18 months. Both were good sleepers. I was a demon with sleep training - no crying it out, just didn’t give up on my chosen technique until I had it cracked (5 days for the first, 3 weeks for the second).

I think you’re tying yourself in knots with guilt and guidance-following and whatnot. I wouldn’t presume to comment but the fact you are so miserable, so unhappy, so guilty… please know from someone well out the other side that none of this is necessary. It doesn’t matter. Any of it. As long as your baby is healthy and happy and you are enjoying him, that’s all you need to know. Feed however you want, sleep however you want, do whatever. Just unshackle yourself from all these random notions of “should” this that or the other. You’re throwing the baby out with the bath water at the moment by being so miserable on your preciously short maternity leave. Your baby won’t turn out “better” for you flagellating yourself, being miserable etc.

@Motelschmotel yes, I am miserable. I think it’s a combination of the sleep deprivation and the fact that my baby isn’t happy. If I was sleep deprived with a content child I would feel like I’m doing something right. But as it stands I am at breaking point most days and my baby is not happy. Maybe if I wasn’t so sleep deprived I could think more rationally and keep trying new things to make him sleep and nap better, but alas I am in thick of this fog that I know will pass so I am holding on.

A bit hard to enjoy these parts of my maternity leave but I know it’s not forever so I’m trying my best, thanks 😞

[bunny85]

I breastfed both my children- and both were terrible sleepers. My first was waking up multiple times a night and only breast could settle him. I breastfed him for just over two years and thought well, if I was so unlucky with the first one, second one is bound to be better. Little did I know... he was much, much worse. He was waking up every HALF an hour for the boob and I couldn't take it out of his mouth as he wanted to use it as a dummy all night long, if I tried he'd wake up and cry again.

Neither of them were hungry by the way- I had plenty of milk and they were both on 91st centile (no wonder with all this breastfeeding non stop!). Anyway, it nearly killed me second time round, I started losing my mind. So I stopped when he was just over 1yo. What can I say... I'm absolutely, categorically certain that they sleep (or don't sleep) like this because of breastfeeding. All of my friends bottle fed babies slept through. I read on the subject and it's the fullness that formula gives compared to the breast milk that makes them sleep through apparently, apart from the obvious fact that a husband can take over.

Still I'm not saying you shouldn't breastfeed, well I did anyway. What I'm saying is once the baby falls asleep on the breast, knows he can have it at night etc they will wake up and cry. I know you said you don't want advices, but I think if you want to continue to breastfeed you should try and night wean. I think from about 8-10 months you can start doing that, but that means crying. You obviously will still continue to breastfeed in the day for as long as you wish. Well I know if I could turn back time this is what I'd probably do, however I did try but was just never strong enough to go through with it, until they were a little older.

You have my sympathy though. It's soul destroying. Hang in there!

[EmJay19]

My first was lockdown baby so easier to BF, not much going on. I did always combination feed (couple of bottles at night). My second and I’ve given more formula to to give myself s break.

Personally this time I noticed how much energy BF took out of me and I needed more energy to look after both children.

Each to their own with feeding but for me I just had to use formula to give myself a break. And although they say it’s not true I’m pretty sure they sleep better with a bit of formula.

Give yourself a break @Cleanqueennot

[Copperoliverbear]

Breast fed both, it's better for them. X

[PinkPlantCase]

My first is just over 18mo old and still breastfeeds once a day.

I definitely plan to BF my next baby.

Ive really noticed a difference with how often DS is off sick from nursery compared to other babies who have been FF or are no longer breastfed. It could be coincidence but I really do think he gets an immune system boost, he easily has half the sick days that other babys we know have.

[Copperoliverbear]

Also it's something that nobody else can interfere with, I know they meant well but I found my in-laws a bit too full on sometimes trying to take over, that's one thing nobody else could do. X

[Motelschmotel]

@Cleanqueennot

@Motelschmotel yes, I am miserable. I think it’s a combination of the sleep deprivation and the fact that my baby isn’t happy. If I was sleep deprived with a content child I would feel like I’m doing something right. But as it stands I am at breaking point most days and my baby is not happy. Maybe if I wasn’t so sleep deprived I could think more rationally and keep trying new things to make him sleep and nap better, but alas I am in thick of this fog that I know will pass so I am holding on.

A bit hard to enjoy these parts of my maternity leave but I know it’s not forever so I’m trying my best, thanks 😞

My unfashionable opinion is that women have to work harder to give their babies that feeling of satiety with breast milk. It’s much easier with formula. If you have a baby with a small appetite, that may not matter. If your baby has a huge appetite and needs to nurse a lot, frequently - all the effort has to come from the mother.

Does this resonate with you?

If it is, give him formula. This does NOT mean you have failed. Arguably, you’re doing better by giving him what he needs. It’s not a given that your body can give his everything, for months on end, at no cost to you. Driving yourself to the brink of despair to satisfy him isn’t necessary.

[K37529]

I combi fed my first, ebf my second till 20 months, I plan on bottle feeding my third. Exclusively pumping for the first month or so then switch to formula. A few reasons for this, I found weaning my second so hard, my second is extremely clingy still (he's 2) to the point no one will babysit him because he screams when I leave (I blame breastfeeding for this but it's possibly just his personality) and I don't want to do the nights alone again.I don't think breastfeeding affects sleep, my first was the absolute worst sleeper, up and down all night till 11 months when she started sleeping through , my second slept through the night from 3 weeks, no advice on how to get them to sleep I think they just get there in their own time

[BlueDiamondGlow]

@SpiceAndCoffee
Babies are more likely to get ill if formula fed - e.g.type 2 diabetes
More likely to die of SIDS if formula fed
Formula is not good for the gut.
Also risks of contamination, not sterilising.

All of the scientific evidence is that breastmilk is optimal. You can find lots about risks in a quick Google.

I don't think mothers should be judged for how they feed but can't pretend the two options are the same.

[Cleanqueennot]

@Motelschmotel

My unfashionable opinion is that women have to work harder to give their babies that feeling of satiety with breast milk. It’s much easier with formula. If you have a baby with a small appetite, that may not matter. If your baby has a huge appetite and needs to nurse a lot, frequently - all the effort has to come from the mother.

Does this resonate with you?

If it is, give him formula. This does NOT mean you have failed. Arguably, you’re doing better by giving him what he needs. It’s not a given that your body can give his everything, for months on end, at no cost to you. Driving yourself to the brink of despair to satisfy him isn’t necessary.

I don’t think he has a particularly big appetite as such. I think it’s more of a comfort thing and perhaps feeling full makes him more sleepy or lethargic. I may not be making much sense here but hope you see what I mean haha

[Motelschmotel]

@Cleanqueennot

I don’t think he has a particularly big appetite as such. I think it’s more of a comfort thing and perhaps feeling full makes him more sleepy or lethargic. I may not be making much sense here but hope you see what I mean haha

Does he suck his thumb, or use a dummy?

[rosiebl]

You say he's 6 months OP, have you started weaning?
I know you're not looking for tips but have you tried rocking in the pram inside your house? That's where my boy naps.

[Onnabugeisha]

I breastfed all my babies. The first one is the hardest as you are both learning. When you get to #2, only the baby is learning.

Your baby’s sleep sounds pretty normal tbh. And don’t pay too much attention to what other mums say. Some will just be nodding and agreeing with the first mum who says “oh my darling baby falls asleep instantly and doesn’t wake up for hours and hours” out of not wanting pitying looks and unsolicited advice. Hands down, I bet at least half the mums you know actually have babies just like yours.

If you’re not also working, can you try napping with the baby? At 6mos mine got awful cases of fear of missing out, and the only way my SAHD husband could get them to nap was by taking a nap with them. This then gave him energy to do lots of activity with them that tired them out and then they slept better at night for me (I was working FT by 6mos and pumping breastmilk).

[mishmased]

I breastfed my first two until about 2.5 years. Currently breastfeeding my third who is 20 months.
Why my first is allergic to dairy and was given 10mls of formula on day three as he'd lost 10.5% of his birthweight. He developed really bad eczema especially on his face. He also had reflux and tongue tie and fed every 2 hours (when I was home) until well over 1. Slept for 6 hours at 23 months for the first time. The exhaustion was unbelievable, I d you by know how I coped with work on top.
He's 10 now and can have most dairy product but hasn't tried drinking milk.

When pregnant with second it was noted to give baby donor milk if I was unable to feed and with third I got given a tin of Neocate to take to hospital as they were low on donor milk and it is being reserved for poorly babies (and rightly so).

My second was so much better (expectations were very low to start anyway).
Current 20 month old toddler sleeps 11 hours most nights. I put her in her room from 6 months and she's still breastfeeding. They're all different. Hang in there it will get easier.

[Taswama]

I breastfed dc1 who was born by C section at 39 weeks and dc2 who was born naturally at 36 weeks. Both for over a year.
DC1 had a bottle of formula at the 10pm feed from quite early on so I could have a longer stretch of sleep after the 7pm feed. I think we did similar with dc2 but can't actually remember.

[tweedlee]

I breastfed my 2 big babies (9lb 7 and 8lb 10) both to past a year and they both slept through from 10-13 weeks ish. 2nd baby we co slept.

[Cleanqueennot]

@rosiebl

You say he's 6 months OP, have you started weaning?
I know you're not looking for tips but have you tried rocking in the pram inside your house? That's where my boy naps.

Yes, I’ve started weaning but this hasn’t made anything easier. Just made more work for me as I now have to breastfeed him then give him solids within an hour so he’s not too hungry. He will have a couple mouthfuls of solids and make a mess then wants breastfeeding again straight after solids. So I quickly clean up the mess/ get him changed etc and have to settle him on the breast again. I would say weaning has made him more unsettled if anything.

He does seem to enjoy his food but it’s almost as if he freaks out and wants to make sure his milk is still available straight after. This on top of poor sleeping is probably why I’m at such a low point. Maybe it gets better as he gets used to weaning more!

[Cleanqueennot]

@rosiebl

You say he's 6 months OP, have you started weaning?
I know you're not looking for tips but have you tried rocking in the pram inside your house? That's where my boy naps.

Oh and yes. Tried the pram in the house. Doesn’t work. I tell you I’ve tried everything to get him to sleep in the house. Shushing, white noise, sling, darkness, patting, I’ve tried it all. I’m not willing to continue going round in circles trying the same stuff. The only thing that SOMETIMES works is hugging him tight and swaying gently with him upright against me but not in a sling, but I have to be doing it for up to an hour for it to work and it only SOMETIMES works, no guarantees! I find it hard holding him in this post for so long and not worth it as it doesn’t always work.

[PinkPlantCase]

I’m assuming feeding him to sleep works?

[Clouds3898]

Mine both formula fed. Neither amazing sleepers.
First dropped night feeds around 4 months. Sometimes woke once in the night though for a good while. Second woke once a night until she was almost 1! 😥

[Cleanqueennot]

@Onnabugeisha

I breastfed all my babies. The first one is the hardest as you are both learning. When you get to #2, only the baby is learning.

Your baby’s sleep sounds pretty normal tbh. And don’t pay too much attention to what other mums say. Some will just be nodding and agreeing with the first mum who says “oh my darling baby falls asleep instantly and doesn’t wake up for hours and hours” out of not wanting pitying looks and unsolicited advice. Hands down, I bet at least half the mums you know actually have babies just like yours.

If you’re not also working, can you try napping with the baby? At 6mos mine got awful cases of fear of missing out, and the only way my SAHD husband could get them to nap was by taking a nap with them. This then gave him energy to do lots of activity with them that tired them out and then they slept better at night for me (I was working FT by 6mos and pumping breastmilk).

Yes, I have tried napping with him both in my bed or with him in his next to me crib and me in my bed. Doesn’t work. Even though this is how we sleep at night he refused during the day. I have tried it all 😩

[PeachDelany]

I demand breastfed baby 1 for 1.5yrs, breastfed baby 2 for 1yr because it moved on faster. I did it because it was good for them and I loved it.

[Clouds3898]

@Cleanqueennot

Oh and yes. Tried the pram in the house. Doesn’t work. I tell you I’ve tried everything to get him to sleep in the house. Shushing, white noise, sling, darkness, patting, I’ve tried it all. I’m not willing to continue going round in circles trying the same stuff. The only thing that SOMETIMES works is hugging him tight and swaying gently with him upright against me but not in a sling, but I have to be doing it for up to an hour for it to work and it only SOMETIMES works, no guarantees! I find it hard holding him in this post for so long and not worth it as it doesn’t always work.

Bless you this sounds tough. Sending hugs x

[Cleanqueennot]

@PinkPlantCase

I’m assuming feeding him to sleep works?

Feeding to sleep only works at night. Doesn’t work for naps during the day.

[elliejjtiny]

I breastfed my 1st, mixed fed my 2nd and 3rd, bottle fed my 4th and then breastfed my 5th. My 4th was my best sleeper, 1st and 5th were the worst. However the 4th took a lot longer to feed so I was up with him once a night for 2 hours. The others fed more frequently but for less time.