How do people have more than one kid?

[Cleanqueennot]

I ask this as I’ve always wanted two children. I have a 6 month old baby and love him dearly but my god he’s difficult! Will I ever get to a point where I want to have a second? Age isn’t on my side either so we need to start trying again in no longer than a year or so! Is it worth waiting until I feel I’m winning at parenting or is this something that never happens? Am I going to just have to decide whether to throw another child into the mix?

My first was a dream, slept and was very chill.
I knew I was lucky so waited 6 years to have another.
Dc2 was so different, would only go to me and screamed angrily when she was tired or hungry.
So glad she was no.2.

I’m 36, which I didn’t think was that old but when I heard that I would be a ‘geriatric’ pregnancy I nearly died 😂

I knew I wanted a few years age gap. However my first born was the happiest baby and slept through from 6wks. So we have 2 1/2 years between them.

Number 2 absolutely was not a gd sleeper or a gd feeder and certainly not as happy and content. She's now 3 and she's still Hardwork in some ways. Sleeps in my bed most of the night, still wakes up a few times and is very much her way or the high way! I think if she was first born I'd now just be thinking about having another.

😂😂😂😂😂

oh god I laughed at this.
I have two children only fourteen months apart and OMG it’s hideously hard.
it’s more than twice the work. It’s like twice the work and your hands tied behind your back!
maybe your friends approach works if you have a second child willing to ‘slot’ into the house eldest’s routine and children who like each other. Mine are on totally different routines and barely tolerate one another despite all of my absolute best determined efforts since day one.
On the rare occasions I only have one of them; I luxuriate in what my life could have been had I waited till the eldest went to school. Honestly, I barely even feel like I’m parenting when I only have one of them. I’m basically on holiday.

You may well find yourself more able to contemplate it when the first one is sleeping better and you’re not constantly exhausted. It does get easier as they get older. However for some people (me included) the urge for a second just never appears.

Haha it’s tough isn’t it!

DH and I have always wanted a second child. It’s just something we agreed on a long time ago. Maybe the fact we are both only children has something to do with it.

I guess I did ‘choose’ to have children older than most but I only met my husband 2 years ago. I really didn’t want kids with just anyone and I never found anyone that I thought would be a good enough dad and partner. I would have had them younger if I’d met DH when we were younger. I still don’t think I would have had children spread apart by too many years regardless of my age though.

I am with you on that. I am much calmer in my 30s than I would have been on my 20s. I am envious of friends who now have kids in secondary school but I did live my life and travel a lot in my younger years child free. So I’m sure they probably wish they could have done that.

@glowingstars im 36. I don’t really want a big age gap if we do have two.

1 and done don't have the time or the money for 2.

I was pregnant by the time the first was 3 months old (100% planned). We knew from the start we wanted two so we didn’t think too much. If I had waited another 3 months, I think we would have waited 3 years because those were the worst sleepwise. Second baby is much easier because your expectations are so much realistic and your skills and knowledge are developed.

Totally agree with pps saying 18 months was the turning point, up until then I couldn’t entertain the thought due to sleep problems, anxiety and PND. Something clicked for me at that point (not the sleep, that continued to be bad for a while!). I just felt able to cope. We had always wanted two and ideally wanted a 2-3 year gap max so once I decided I was then quite anxious to get pregnant and it took a while. In retrospect I wish we had started trying at 12 months, but I was very low at that point so probably wouldn’t have coped very well. Don’t stress, at 36 you still have plenty of time!

There's no rush-see what emerges with this little one and get some sense of yourself back. I had gaps of 3.5 years and then nearly 5 years. All siblings get along. It worked for us.

Similarly I knew mums who were pregnant as soon as possible after the first one who also got through all the phases and stages well- horses for courses and all that!

When I only had one I wondered how people managed. Now I have 3 and manage fine, however I do things differently than I used to do with just one. Eg all meals and snacks are eaten at the table, no wandering around the house with a piece of toast spreading crumbs everywhere. I don't sit with DC3 in the evening until he's asleep, I say good night and leave the room. I don't offer multiple food choices, I cook what everyone normally likes and if they don't fancy it, they have can some bread and butter. I don't hover over DS3, trying to find stimulating games for him. The list goes on!

I didn’t feel ready for another child until DS turned 2 I couldn’t of coped, a six month old is very different to a 2/3 year old, put it to the back of your mind until your child is a bit older, when one gets their free nursery hours you’ll find you have more time for yourself and things will feel more manageable.

My first was a dream baby. Couldn't understand why anyone said parenting was hard. Ate well, slept well, happy little baby.

Got pregnant when my first was 5 month old. What could go wrong...oh lord, my second is an absolute psychopath. Hated sleep, hated milk, permanently whined for the first 18 month. If I'd had him first I sure as hell would have never even considered a second. They're 2 and 3 now and they're easier but they're far from easy. 0/10. Wouldn't recommend.

dd is 13
i said from day she was born id never have another
people said id change my mind, MIL still thinks i will 🙄
never have
I wouldnt cope with 2 and dd was a so called 'easy' baby

Motherhood was a shock to me but my first born was a difficult baby and wasn't the type of child who played with toy or independently - she wanted me all the time and it was exhausting. I had my DS when she was 5 and everything has changed for the better. Despite the age gap they do things together. Or even if they're doing separate things in the same room she's happy as she's not by herself. I've got so much more freedom now to do basic things like go to the toilet by myself or make a coffee! Life is really really busy but I wouldn't say it was 'harder'.

Honestly I felt the same but when my DD got to about 3 I just found the constant demands to play really exhausting and realised it would actually be easier for me long term (and more fun for her obviously) if she had another kid to play with - me and DP both spent most of our childhood's playing with our siblings. Now I'm waiting to find out if I left it too late for them to play together in the same way we did growing up, as there's four years between them rather than two.

I had three under four. It's really good when they can play together. During the lockdowns I felt really sorry for folk with just one because it was so much easier for my crew entertaining themselves. In the end we formed a bubble with the wee guy next door. His mam was going crazy trying to keep him busy!

We've got a three year gap and it's great, they get on well at the moment and DD1 was potty trained, in a bed etc when DD2 arrived. I've got a few friends with 2 under 2 or 2 under 18mo and it wasnt for me - I've got two friends who ended up with a late walking toddler and a newborn, I don't know how they managed. I had my two at 37 and 40.

Second just slotted in to family life really, the tiredness is hard but I found having nursery days for the eldest made all the difference so I could catch up on a nap and DH is really hands on so that's useful when we have to tag team a child each at the weekends.

Six months is still so very young. You may feel totally differently in a year.

This is why we have a 4 year gap, I couldn't face it!

Routines all the way for us! It meant we had a good sleeper (well, can't be wholly down to that, but it certainly helped a lot) and got good nights sleep.

We also waited until DS was 3.5 before trying. Had DS2 when DS1 was 4.5 and by that age DS1 was really not that hard work tbh. Now my two are 6 and 1.5 and its not too hard. Second baby felt easier anyway as i was so used to routines and not having my own time! I remember when I had DS1 I genuinely didn't know what the hell id done!

18 month gap for mine. I wanted a small gap as I didn't have any close in age siblings. I found the first few years tough but I think that's because DD2 was so hard😭If I'd had her first the gap would have been bigger! I was also 36 (my age was only mentioned once at 20 week scan and I was delighted to be called "young and healthy " one day by a consultant 😁)

Ps I really second pp above about routine. We have a terrible bed time routine and it's the one thing I wish I could change. On the plus side, they entertain each other so much.