Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

How do people have more than one kid?

89 replies

Cleanqueennot · 25/01/2023 22:35

I ask this as I’ve always wanted two children. I have a 6 month old baby and love him dearly but my god he’s difficult! Will I ever get to a point where I want to have a second? Age isn’t on my side either so we need to start trying again in no longer than a year or so! Is it worth waiting until I feel I’m winning at parenting or is this something that never happens? Am I going to just have to decide whether to throw another child into the mix?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 26/01/2023 00:39

Apparently it gets easier (still waiting...😆). I'm sticking to one 🙃

InTheFutilityRoomEatingBiscuits · 26/01/2023 00:49

I didn’t try and make them nap when they were babies, so if they slept they slept and if they didn’t they didn’t but I didn’t lose hours of stress to the idea.

Entertainment was all about watching what I was doing and getting involved where possible, so the babies and toddlers would spend all their day doing the things I was doing as much as possible. It made the things slower and harder but at least they were things that needed doing eg housework, cooking, exercise, shopping. If it was something they couldn’t get involved in in a meaningful way eg studying, my work etc, I’d just carry them around whilst I did it. Again harder than doing it alone but at least it got done eventually.

I spent as little time as possible at home and needed to go back to work when babies were weeks old so had less time to lose to things like naps and feeding, those would get slotted in as and when was possible. We’d still go out to parties and restaurants and go on holiday and to the cinema and theatre and on days out, go camping and hike up mountains. Babies just came along for the ride.

I think of my babies as just a small extra person to look after for a little while whilst also doing everything else and not a bomb that went off in life or a complete lifestyle change like I think is often the case with eg. Maternity leave. A second or third didn’t make much difference other than lengthening the time we needed to juggle for, so it didn’t make any difference really how many there were, which is good because they go through such frequent phases you can never tell which one is going to be more demanding that day just to keep you on your toes. But you do get nice people in the end.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 26/01/2023 01:05

You chose to have a child later in life (I understand chose might not be the right word, you may not have had the opportunity) so now the other choice of spreading them apart by a few years has been taken away. You can't really have it both ways I'm afraid.

I have a gap of just over 2 years, and you just make it work. What other choice do you have? Hopefully by having them later in life you are more financially stable so can afford childcare easier than you would have done when you were younger. I know I was more calm than I would have been younger.

I do look at my best friend who had her DC and good decade before I did and feel a smidgen envious of her now, but I choose to live my 20s and early 30s child free with minimal responsibilities so it's all on me.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3-6 months old 6-9 months old Babies & sleep Families

Youdoyoubabe · 26/01/2023 01:07

Well people think about it and plan it alot more nowadays. I think what usually happens is once the breastfeeding slows down then fertility goes up and bing bang bong... another baby. That's why the 18month age gap is so common.

SunsetStrip · 26/01/2023 01:16

I found going from 0-1 far harder than going from 1-2. That said, I did have a few wobbly moments when I thought "whhhyyy whhyy whyyyy did I do this again?" They're 21 and 17 now, I have zero regrets.

atoxk · 26/01/2023 01:22

😂😂 if anyone waited till they're winning then human race would die out. As mums we win every day. They might not have had a bath or get to bed by 7 but they giggle or cuddle you and you win every day. Having a second is hard , but twice the joy , and watch them bond with the sibling which is amazing

minipie · 26/01/2023 01:29

I only felt ready when DS was 18 months and started sleeping better and playing a bit more independently. He was very high needs tho!

Same here. 18 month olds are adorable and I came round to the idea of another - having spent most of DC1’s first year swearing a second was out of the question. Luckily I got pg with DC2 quickly, as by age 2 DC1 was back to being very demanding and I might well have gone back off the idea of a second if not already pregnant…!

LHReturns · 26/01/2023 01:30

I had a second only as a gift for my first. So he had a play mate….and it worked. Total hassle though.

mackthepony · 26/01/2023 01:31

DS was two before I could imagine a second.

So there's three years difference between my two

The early years are hard

mamailla · 26/01/2023 01:32

I have 3 girls all close together in age and although it's hard, it's worth it. I love that they have each other and are best friends. They play and keep each other entertained. The older one teaches the younger two things. They never feel alone. It's loud and hectic in our house but I wouldn't change it for the world.

SamuelBrown · 26/01/2023 01:37

I have 2 of them already. Both are baby boy. Enjoying a lot with the little one.

MrsClarkandPercy · 26/01/2023 01:38

I think just do it. Then you'll work out how to cope,

Personally I found a stable routine, and a lot of kindness, worked very well.

Unsuredad123 · 26/01/2023 03:43

DC1 was very much the same, wouldn't sleep etc. If we had waited to crack parenting, or for her to sleep etc Dc2 would have taken years. However Dc2 arrived 16 months after DC1. The first couple of of years with both was tough, and a bit of a blur. DC1 is now 12 and we have 3dc, with DC3 turning 7 next week.

I'll have to let you know when we crack parenting, think that might be a few more years 😂

Helena1993 · 26/01/2023 06:45

Eh. I have a 8 month old and I'm one and done. We should warn more mums about how difficult it is to have a baby.

ADHDat43 · 26/01/2023 06:49

I never did! My baby was unbelievably challenging and there was never a point when I felt like I could cope with - or even want! - another one. So he's an only and that's just the shape of our family.

glowingstars · 26/01/2023 06:56

How old are you? I had a three year age gap and it was fine. I wasn’t sure I wanted another when my eldest was six months old but that did change over time!

I’ve noticed a lot of people seem to have just one child and/or a bigger age gap these days. Whereas when I was at school it felt like two year age gaps were the norm and there were hardly any only children.

goldpendant · 26/01/2023 06:57

Took me until DS was 10 months to even consider another. He was HARD work!

There is almost exactly 2 years between DS and DD and while it was tough I wouldn’t have it any other way. They squabble but they’re close, they enjoy the same activities, and it got the demanding baby stage done quickly!

We always wanted three but stopped at two. For me, going from one to two was the hardest transition and I realised I couldn’t cope with another pregnancy.

I think if you know you want another, maybe get going once sleep and weaning are broadly sorted.

Good luck!

snowbellsxox · 26/01/2023 07:00

Three year age gap at least
Eldest will start pre school
Then will be in reception during the toddler years
More one on one time

I couldn't have done a closer age gap

Heatherbell1978 · 26/01/2023 07:03

DS was 18 months when I thought yes I can do this again. But in the baby years with him I was in a knackered fog for a lot of the time so had no idea how I'd get there. DD was born when I was 40 and whilst I didn't feel too old as mum - I had a straightforward pregnancy and birth - I struggled more with the lack of sleep. I remember when she was tiny wailing to DH that I was 'too old for this shit'. I got through it of course but there is a lot to be said about not waiting too long.

Noicant · 26/01/2023 07:04

I have 1 and she’s so much easier now at 3 than she was 6 months ago so I can see why people do it. It’s not for me though, can’t do it again. She’s a glorious little human being but no thank you.

babyyodaxmas · 26/01/2023 07:10

By 18 months DS was reliably sleeping all night, feeding himself (when given a plate of food) and walking and communicating clearly. I felt I could manage a mobile toddler and a newborn. There are 2.5 years between my children. If I had found myself pregnant before DS was 1 I would have seriously considered termination.

SilverGlitterBaubles · 26/01/2023 07:14

Once sleep gets better that helps a huge amount. I don't think I would have had another if DC1 hadn't eventually settled into a good sleep routine.

20viona · 26/01/2023 07:21

Soon as my daughter was 2 I knew it was now or never as I didn't want to have the baby stage again too far down the line. Second daughter is now 4 months and I can't wait till she was walk, eat, talk and go the bog alone haha.

Myeyeballsareonfire · 26/01/2023 07:28

I have 4.

My eldest was such a difficult baby (or maybe I just found the adjustment hard, it’s hard to know with hindsight). I found out when he was 12 months that I was pregnant with #2. A complete surprise, and if it hadn’t been for that surprise I’m not sure we’d have had another one tbh!

Having just the 2 was very, very hard work. Adding the 3rd was fairly straightforward and now the 4th, although only a baby, still hasn’t been as bad as having just the oldest 2!

MikeWozniaksMohawk · 26/01/2023 07:30

My eldest was three before I was ready for it.

Flip

1 2 3 4