How can I shower? So miserable

[gapsain]

Just that. I’m alone 90% of the day, often over 24 hours due to dps work. Even when he’s back it’s not always feasible to shower.

Dc currently in a crying phase at 8 weeks and I have been trying to have a shower all day. Do I just leave them to cry? It was the same yesterday and so on… I’ve managed to jump in for two minutes but haven’t washed my hair or shaved etc in days. I’m miserable and don’t know what to do. I know the moment I get in a few seconds later there’s crying

If your shower room is small just put him on some folded up towels. Keep the door open so he can see and hear you and importantly you can see him and that he is ok.

This time will pass, he will learn to self settle and you will get through it.

Have you seen the dancing veggies baby sensory videos.. if you’re against screen time feel free to put me on a firing line but sanity first… they hypnotised my youngest for 5-10 minutes when he was tiny. Obviously wouldn’t park him infront of it all day.

My first liked the pram to soothe him too so I’d run him round the street with the dog and then jump in the shower, never slept long but enough that I’d manage. Other purchase was a dry shaver thingy, slightly less hassle than in the shower since I can stop instantly if they kicked off.

OP might want to shave in order to feel nice. It's a personal thing - you still want to feel somewhat normal after having a baby!

She also deserves longer than 3 minutes ideally!

I remember trying to have a shower while feeling like a fire engine was in the room doing blues and twos. It's extremely un-relaxing. But it won't harm the baby.

I remember this so clearly from when my DS was a baby 14 years ago, I would have given anything just for a 2 minute shower in peace. I felt like I was losing my mind. I did the baby bouncer thing and it did work, he just wanted to see me. Or what about a warmish bath and you take him in with you for a bit. it does get easier, and you do get your life back, and then you yearn back for the baby years 🙈

Imagine if your baby was a 3 or 4 year old, with a vocabulary. The equivalent of the crying would be them saying "ah but Muuuum!!! I don't WANT you to have a shower, I want you to play trains with me!" What you'd then say, quite reasonably, is "yes, I will play trains with you but AFTER I've had my shower, I will only be 10 mins, you can sit there and chat to me if you want or look at your book until I've finished." You would know they are fine to wait and wait they can, without any ill effect.

If, on the other hand, your 3 or 4 year old was crying and saying "Mum! Why are you going in the shower? You've ignored me for over an hour and you didn't give me any breakfast and it's nearly lunchtime and I'm so so hungry. And I've just had an accident too so need help with cleaning myself up" and you still ignored their needs and went in the shower anyway, THEN they would have a point, wouldn't they?!

The point is, though, the fact that your baby has no vocabulary yet to express their displeasure at you not pandering to their every whim is not your fault. They are too young to understand that there is nothing wrong whatsoever with you having a shower, they have all their needs met and they can safely wait without any ill effect at all. They WILL come to realise all this, but there is no need to be hard on yourself and torture yourself with the misguided thought that you are somehow harming them emotionally. You aren't. You simply need a shower. Their world isn't going to end by you chatting to them for a few minutes telling them that eg "I'm putting the conditioner on now, that makes my hair all soft, you like to twiddle it, remember? It smells lovely! Then I grab the sponge and use this yummy shower gel that gets me all clean. " etc etc Totally inane crap lol. But they hear that mummy is fine and happy and bright and breezy and not all stressed-sounding going "oh you sound so upset, I won't be long, Mummy is hurrying as quickly as she can!"

It will all be fine. Have your showers, and have them totally guilt-free.

Mine were a while ago and I remember thinking Christ i can’t even have 5 minutes…
.a vibrating bouncy chair changed my life….do they still exist?

if you know in yourself that baby is fed/clean/dry/safe/just cuddled…you have to give yourself some time to meet your basic need wither it is washing/dressing/ eating

i do remember HV being rather
put out that 2nd baby was sleeping in bouncer while I made some lunch on a visit 🙄

I’d personally wait for your DP to come home and then have a lovely, long relaxing bath and an early night each night.

If you cannot do that then just let them cry.

If they are safe in the cot then no harm is going to come to them.

I wish someone told me this when I had my DD.

As a single parent I would go days or sometimes weeks without showering and I lost count of the times I wet myself.

My baby would only sleep in short bursts and I’d end up falling to sleep whenever she did, just to try and catch up on some of it.
I had to choose between showering or sleeping and when you’re sleep deprived then sleep will always win.

Why not do it in stages at first until you get used to it.

I would often do it in stages throughout the day or over a few days - have a quick body shower.
Then next time wet your hair and go back into reassure baby whilst applying shampoo and then pop out to wash it off.
I would also shave using a bowl and do it in the same room as the baby.
Obviously not ideal but it means you can wash without the guilt.

I honestly wouldn’t worry about the baby crying for 5 mins though, unless it’s late at night.

Is 22 years ago but when my son was a baby I used to put him in a little bouncy type car seat and put him in the bathroom and then I could have my shower in peace and not be worrying. Even if bathroom is small just have them where you can see them and enjoy your shower. It is hard when have no one to look after them for a few minutes but things get easier once you get past first few months and get more into a routine and they are not so small. Congrats on the baby and once the weather gets better and drier you will be able to get out more for walks and does make such a difference to get out of the house. I would just wrap up myself and baby and head out as go mad stuck inside all the time. Hope you have some support.

Your HV is bonkers, you simply cannot be in the same room as a baby 24/7, you’d go bonkers. It’s perfectly fine to have a quick shower, either when they are asleep, or awake, if they grizzle for 5 mins then so be it.

I believe people are being told to never leave babies unattended these days.

I'm glad that advice wasn't around when I had mine. I think trying to be in the same room for six months would have sent me doolally.

It gets worse when the move! Just pop on a mat in the bathroom

As PP have said, it gets easier hang on in there.
I had 2 just like this that would not be put down without screaming. Very difficult but just remind yourself it’s temporary ❤️

Advise wise, have you tried white noise? The only thing that would soothe DD.
Also people will probably kill me for suggesting but newborn sensory videos on YouTube. Not saying sit them in front of it all day but for the sake of your sanity and a 10 minute shower I’d give anything a go.

Sending love, the days can feel long in these early days!x

I used to bring them into the bathroom in a sleepyhead or bouncer.

@CurlyhairedAssassin I love this ❤️ beautifully put

This I mean! ⬆️

Insanity that’s what that is. I’m due my third soon and I will not be carting baby into each room every second of every day for 6 months. It’s not sustainable or healthy for anyone, I couldn’t have done it when my xh worked away, or when I was a single parent and I won’t be doing it now despite a dp who is only out of the house 8.5 hours.

I just did. I didn't bring them into the bathroom, because I thought trying to carry them when I'm wet out a shower wasn't a good idea. I don't see any harm ina shower, even if the baby ends up crying whilst you're in there. It will be for a short period only. Like others have said, soon after a feed, as long as they aren't a sicky baby would be my choice, otherwise, bassinet or cot, and do it

I used go bring moses basket into bathroom with me or bouncer with baby strapped in. And showered with door open and took the shower head off used it hand held so I didn't soak the place.

Then I started booked shower days and times with my husband (as I'm telling him when I'm showering not showering with him haha) so I could get some alone time.

Just pop on a mat or bouncy chair and shower with them in the doorway. I’m also against any form of controlled crying but babies need to wait for 5 minutes sometimes.

I’d be interested to know what your partner does that keeps him from relieving you for 10 minutes. How is it not ‘feasible’ for him to take over when he gets in?

You poor thing. I would ignore the unsympathetic HV. You don't have to have them.

As a mother, I can assure you that babies don't suddenly die or explode if you don't pick them up when they cry. As long as he's fed, burped, clean, not in the throes of colic, I would put him on a changing mat on the floor where you can see him and just crack on. The only reason I would say you need to have eyes on him is if there's a lull and you need to check he hasn't brought something up. Because I'm super cautious.

But honestly you might find he settles if you leave him. I had one who would ratch it up and up and up and then... Silence. It just took ten minutes for them to express their displeasure at having been born and it was not fun to listen to.

You deserve to be fed and clean too. Nobody survives if you don't!

Pop him on the change mat where you can see him and get a shower. Five minutes won’t hurt his attachment

For my own sanity I always had a shower,hair wash and clean clothes every morning. Baby in car seat or bouncer by bathroom door which was left open .
10 mins crying really is ok and often the shower noise actually stopped them crying.

Ffs, what is this, competitive showering? Who are you to decide if she needs a shave? Who washes their hair etc in three minutes max? What length of hair is this, GI Jane? Honestly.

Yep, in the bouncer, in a cot/crib which has wheels, etc. Just somewhere safe whilst they're in the bathroom with you and you have a shower. It would send my ds to sleep.

I was told by a HV that whilst you can't ruin them for holding them all the time at that age and closeness is actually helpful, if you need to put them down, crying for 5 minutes is OK. You need to give yourself that time for you.

You cannot pour from an empty cup.

It does get better once you can work out their natural wake time and get up before them or you can still put them in a travel cot when they crawl.