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Parenting

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Original poster

How can I shower? So miserable

124 replies

gapsain · 05/01/2023 20:22

Just that. I’m alone 90% of the day, often over 24 hours due to dps work. Even when he’s back it’s not always feasible to shower.

Dc currently in a crying phase at 8 weeks and I have been trying to have a shower all day. Do I just leave them to cry? It was the same yesterday and so on… I’ve managed to jump in for two minutes but haven’t washed my hair or shaved etc in days. I’m miserable and don’t know what to do. I know the moment I get in a few seconds later there’s crying

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

mrssunshinexxx · 05/01/2023 20:30

Take in shower with you
Lay on bathroom floor on a comfy mat

DamnYerEyes · 05/01/2023 20:30

Yes bouncy chair was what I used too!

mamaca · 05/01/2023 20:30

Ditto pop baby in a bouncer or on a playmat!

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Xrays · 05/01/2023 20:30

A few mins of crying isn’t going to do them any harm, at all. Honestly they won’t remember any of it. No different than if you suddenly needed a poo and had to leave them - surely you’ve had to do that? I’ve got two dc (now aged 10 and 19) and I just used to try and time it so I knew they were quite tired and I’d put them somewhere safe - play pen or Moses basket or cot - and off I went. Often I’d come out 5 mins or so later and they’d be asleep, sometimes they’d cry but all these years later I don’t think they hold it against me!

Original poster

gapsain · 05/01/2023 20:30

@Biscuitsneeded ten mins feels like ages to me for him to cry! It’s funny as I will be fine hearing him cry if I’m in the same room doing make up or something… it’s guilt of a different room I think!

OP posts:

Judgyjudgy · 05/01/2023 20:31

Like others have said, bouncy chair or similar near you while you shower. Baby will be fine if they're crying for a bit, would be the same if you needed to go to the toilet. Is there a friend or neighbour who could come over for half an hour? There's no problem with asking for help, many would be happy to do it

Undecidedandtorn · 05/01/2023 20:32

Would someone else holding them be ok? Do you have a friend that could pop in for 10 minutes (or longer ) and give you a chance to shower?

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/01/2023 20:32

If he can see you he knows he's not been abandoned.

Also why isn't it feasible when dad is there?

ivykaty44 · 05/01/2023 20:32

Take baby in baby bouncer and have a shower, its good to feel clean and refreshed. You'll be better for it and consequently so will baby.

If you don't have room in bathroom for baby bouncer then pop in cot or Moses basket - it sine to look after yourself and make you feel human again.

mynameiscalypso · 05/01/2023 20:32

I used to leave DS in his cot with some music on and have a shower. If he cried for a couple of mins, it wasn't the end of the world. I usually did it after a feed and with a clean nappy so I knew there was nothing 'wrong'. No attachment issues and having a shower was/is incredibly important to my mental health.

DamnYerEyes · 05/01/2023 20:32

gapsain · 05/01/2023 20:27

Thanks. It’s a tiny shower so they’d have to be just outside within view but he hates the rocker so I don’t think it would help. I just feel horrendous hearing him cry when I’m just splashing about… I’m not particularly precious about him crying when I’m with him but I just feel awful when not in the room.

And I’ve read all this stuff about it impacting their attachment… that’s what really worries me.

thanks for the responses im going to go for it…

Yes go for it! Let us know how you get on.

Original poster

gapsain · 05/01/2023 20:32

There’s people to help but not everyday, no. And DP gets in at odd times off shifts and sometimes I am in bed or feeding etc

OP posts:

SleekMamma · 05/01/2023 20:33

I had this. Bouncy chair in the bathroom, yelling baby and a very fast shower. That's all you can do really.
That will not damage the baby

Follycastle · 05/01/2023 20:33

All of the above and save the shaving for another time, eg when your DP has some time off and can take baby for a nap in the pram while you have a longer shower or bath.

A baby sensory video on an iPad might also work to distract, maybe not at this age but when baby is a bit older (I’m sure others will shudder at the thought but sometimes needs must!).

allfurcoatnoknickers · 05/01/2023 20:33

I used to put the playmat on the bathroom floor and play peekaboo around the shower screen. I'd also just chat away to him and tell him what I was doing "And now mummy's deep conditioning her hair, because a nice man called Luis slathers it in bleach every 8-12 weeks and mummy doesn't want follicles like straw."

Then when DS got a bit bigger - more like 12 weeks, I used to bring him in the shower with me and we'd have shower snuggles/skin to skin. He LOVED it. Not the most efficient and obv you can't wash your hair, but we both got a nice shower and felt clean and refreshed afterwards.

I actually have really fond memories of our bathroom/shower time when he was teeny.

MichaelFabricantWig · 05/01/2023 20:33

Bouncy chair in the bathroom or just outside the bathroom door with the door open. Or in the cot. No harm is going to come to them in 5 minutes while you take a shower x

Whatsfordinnerglutenfree · 05/01/2023 20:34

You won’t get attachment problems from a few minutes separation. It’s long term disinterest that causes problems.

Nimbostratus100 · 05/01/2023 20:35

another one saying bouncy chair in view of shower. How is your singing?

FartWrangler · 05/01/2023 20:35

Bouncy chair was a godsend for me when my children were small. Even if your baby isn't one who takes to it, 10 minutes of crying will do no harm at all. I was mostly on my own due to husband being at work. I don't think there was ever a day when I didn't shower - showering and dressing properly are crucial for wellbeing. My DC are all now adults, and are very securely attached to me!

trulyunruly01 · 05/01/2023 20:38

The guilt is because you're doing something that's wholly for yourself. But you need to. Don't underestimate the effects of a shower and hair wash on your mental health, physical stamina and general well-being. Baby will cry anyway, but will enjoy a cuddle afterwards with lovely fresh calm mum.

Dahlia444 · 05/01/2023 20:38

I understand the worry but the sooner you lose the worry about them crying for short periods and it damaging them the happier you'll be. Literally every second or later child (particularly close in age) and every multiple child will be by absolute necessity left to occupy themselves while you are otherwise occupied with another child. Sometimes they cry, sometimes they don't. It's part of living life. You can put music on and sing, or talk to them, or just be in their sight. You're not abandoning or damaging them, you're doing absolute basic self care within a framework of love. Good luck!

LeafHunter · 05/01/2023 20:38

A ten minute shower window isn’t going to impact their attachment. You being annoyed or upset or frustrated because you’re resenting them because you can’t shower or do the things you want will.

crumpet · 05/01/2023 20:39

When do they sleep? Can you have a nice bath or shower then? Otherwise yes it’s a question of cracking on with it while they cry. It’s important that you do stuff for you too, and at some point they will recognise the routine and accept it. Especially if you do it at the same time each day eg straight after breakfast

Biscuitsneeded · 05/01/2023 20:39

@gapsain I felt exactly like you with my firstborn, trust me, but I do look back and wonder why! Believe me, you re going to do FAR worse things to your child over the next 18 years than leave him or her crying for a few minutes. Another alternative I guess if you have one of those baby seats that sit in the bath (the lying down kind, not the sit up kind for older kids!) , is to run a shallow bath for the DC at one end while you shower at the other end? If it's a shower over a bath, of course.

DannydeVitooo · 05/01/2023 20:40

Your son will not die from crying for five minutes. put the baby on the bath mat by the shower. Get into the shower sing him songs do everything you need to be and just take your time. Honestly this will get better

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