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Original poster

How can I shower? So miserable

124 replies

gapsain · 05/01/2023 20:22

Just that. I’m alone 90% of the day, often over 24 hours due to dps work. Even when he’s back it’s not always feasible to shower.

Dc currently in a crying phase at 8 weeks and I have been trying to have a shower all day. Do I just leave them to cry? It was the same yesterday and so on… I’ve managed to jump in for two minutes but haven’t washed my hair or shaved etc in days. I’m miserable and don’t know what to do. I know the moment I get in a few seconds later there’s crying

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Runkle · 05/01/2023 20:40

Your health visitor is not very helpful. Mine said if you need 5 minutes (whether it be to shower/take a breather) then leave baby safely and do what you need to do. I totally get it, the feeling of leaving them cry but you have to look after yourself too.

Kimberz · 05/01/2023 20:41

I put baby in the moses basket and bring her in the bathroom with me

JennyForeigner · 05/01/2023 20:41

gapsain · 05/01/2023 20:27

Thanks. It’s a tiny shower so they’d have to be just outside within view but he hates the rocker so I don’t think it would help. I just feel horrendous hearing him cry when I’m just splashing about… I’m not particularly precious about him crying when I’m with him but I just feel awful when not in the room.

And I’ve read all this stuff about it impacting their attachment… that’s what really worries me.

thanks for the responses im going to go for it…

We have an older one and then twins, and honestly twins were the most liberating thing in the world. There's no stopping them crying, because you can't pick up both at once. It's completely non-feasible.

Result: they are the sweetiest, most chilled out babies imaginable. They don't even grumble at being put down for naps but just turn onto their tummies and go sparko with every sign of enjoyment.

We spent and still spend so much time lovingly cuddling our older one to sleep and anything we thought might cause him the least moment's distress. I remember reading the most awful book about crying out creating BLACK HOLES in the BRAIN. Absolute bs imho. Babies need love, consistency and not to break you, and part of not breaking you is to be allowed the odd howl while working things out.

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SaintLoy · 05/01/2023 20:44

Health visitor said 'I always remind new parents of this: no baby has ever died of crying'.

Laurthomx · 05/01/2023 20:44

I feel your pain. I always put my DS in a baby safe beanbag and I sang/talked to him whilst I was showering!

It will get easier honest x

Swimswam · 05/01/2023 20:44

I promise that you having a shower and your baby crying isn’t going to affect attachment one bit. Having a shower will make you feel better in yourself. That’s important too
Both mine had dummies. I couldn’t stand the crying. They are now strapping teen boys. They love me and I love them.
Have your shower lovely.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 05/01/2023 20:46

I would put my dd in her bouncy chair and have a shower. Or on her playmat when she was a bit older.

RosesAndHellebores · 05/01/2023 20:46

@gapsain mines 28 now. He was not harmed in the slightest from being put in his cot, a very safe place, whilst I showered, dried, blew my hair, got dressed, even put on a bit of slap. Took me about 20 minutes. In fact after day two or three I think he was asleep within 2/3 minutes.

In fact I think he benefitted because he had a clean and happy mummy. Used to wake up about 75 minutes later and have a good gluggy, relaxed feed. Then we used to go out for a walk, coffee, shopping.

Mathsisfun · 05/01/2023 20:47

Have your shower and take time for yourself. Your baby will be fine,especially if he can see/hear you.
If he doesn’t like the bouncer,have you tried a swing chair instead? One of mine loved the bouncer,the other loved the swing chair.
Last resort is put on some white noise on your phone,that’s really good at calming them down too.
But seriously,put yourself first. Because if you aren’t in the right frame of mind then you can’t help your baby.

Mariposista · 05/01/2023 20:47

You need to shower. It's about cleanliness and self worth, or you will go mad (and will stink haha).
Make sure they are safe and leave them to it. A few minutes of crying won't hurt them.

värskekapsas · 05/01/2023 20:52

i used to bring a bouncer with me to the shower, she would still cry but I would talk to her and just get on with it

MsChatterbox · 05/01/2023 20:52

As pp put baby where they can see you. They will probably still cry but at least they can hear your voice and you can reassure them with soothing tones.

ShirleyPhallus · 05/01/2023 20:52

JennyForeigner · 05/01/2023 20:41

We have an older one and then twins, and honestly twins were the most liberating thing in the world. There's no stopping them crying, because you can't pick up both at once. It's completely non-feasible.

Result: they are the sweetiest, most chilled out babies imaginable. They don't even grumble at being put down for naps but just turn onto their tummies and go sparko with every sign of enjoyment.

We spent and still spend so much time lovingly cuddling our older one to sleep and anything we thought might cause him the least moment's distress. I remember reading the most awful book about crying out creating BLACK HOLES in the BRAIN. Absolute bs imho. Babies need love, consistency and not to break you, and part of not breaking you is to be allowed the odd howl while working things out.

Show quote history

I absolutely love this post, it should be pinned for any parents feeling guilty about doing anything that means their baby has to cry for a few minutes

@gapsain the other thing that’s great is hey bear baby sensory. I definitely would t advise it for hours, but it does have special soothing magical properties for babies and buys you 10 minutes!

greennavy · 05/01/2023 20:52

Bouncy chair or car seat in the bathroom or positioned in doorway so you can pop
Head out and wave

Roseelane · 05/01/2023 20:53

If he hates the rocker, just put him on a blanket on the floor in the bathroom while you shower. It won't harm him or his attachment to you.

lurchermummy · 05/01/2023 20:54

I used to put DD in her car seat and shower where she could see me then when she got older a travel cot/playpen just outside and with the bathroom door open so we could hear each other.

pinkpotatoez · 05/01/2023 20:56

Moses basket in the bathroom, 5-10 minutes is nothing he will not be harmed and you can see him anyway

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 05/01/2023 20:58

It takes three minutes max to have a shower and wash your hair. Your don't have to shave.

You baby will not be harmed by crying for 3 minutes.

And you will feel a while lot better.

Why can your DP not look after baby for 3 minutes?

TokyoSushi · 05/01/2023 20:58

Oh I remember it so well! Yes, bouncer in the bathroom/doorway and get yourself cleaned up, you'll feel so much better!

wildmoon · 05/01/2023 20:59

Bring a bouncy chair into the bathroom and make sure you keep talking to baby... even if he screams, he will be fine for 10 -15 mins whilst u shower: it's good to set that boundary from early on.. xx

Grumpybutfunny · 05/01/2023 20:59

We had a fisher price rain forest swing soooo much better than the bouncer and used to keep him quite long enough for a bath or shower......it doesn't get much better for years DS is 9 and has just walked in to ask for a new game!!

Anisina · 05/01/2023 20:59

Does the baby not sleep at all? I used to wait until mine were napping.

Lcb123 · 05/01/2023 21:00

Leave safely in cot and have a shower-they’ll be fine.

WoolyMammoth55 · 05/01/2023 21:01

OP I've not read the full thread so this might have been said but the angelcare soft touch bath seat worked really well for us - I basically ran a shallow bath and got in with bub in the seat and used the shower hose from the bath tap to wash my hair etc.

He loved the bath - still does! - so it was a happy place for him and I was within touching distance but also able to have a moment's peace.

Failing that, just put your bub down fed into the cot and put some white noise (or this weird magic youtube video that lulled both my DCs out of their wildest tantrums! ) on for them, and just do what you need to do.

Wish you all the best, it's tough but it does get easier Xx

Mycatisalwaysangry · 05/01/2023 21:06

I can absolutely promise you that him crying while you are washing your hair will not impact on his future attachment abilities. It’s not fun showering with him crying though, so if possible at all I would try to have it when he sleeps. It feels like an eternity and very stressful if we are not with them, but nothing will happen to him while he sleeps if you are away ten minutes.