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Original poster

Nursery worker tapped daughter

104 replies

TeaHotorCold · 14/12/2022 18:23

Hi all

i want to know if i'm overreacting. When i picked up my toddler (16months) just now, the nursery worker was telling me about her day and said that she has started to be more confident, sometimes going up to other children and tapping their head. Which of course i was worried about but when she told me that, she basically demonstrated and tapped my DD's head! whilst i was carrying her. DD immediately just leant against my chest for a cuddle.

I WISHED i had said something then. I should have I know, i don't know why i didn't i think I was just shocked. Am i overreacting here? My husband says yes because she didn't mean to cause any harm. I am thinking of speaking to the nursery worker tomorrow morning but it just makes me upset that they actually think this is ok? I'm a FTM.

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Mooshroo · 14/12/2022 21:50

I don’t think the worker saw the tapping as negative, she was part way through praising your daughters confidence?

SirChenjins · 14/12/2022 21:50

No, you’re officially not ‘that parent’.

healthadvice123 · 14/12/2022 21:53

Only you can decide as you were there , would of thought they wouldn't describe tap on the actual child ( well baby)

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NoSnow · 14/12/2022 21:54

If it means protecting your child and calling out unacceptable behaviour, never be afraid to be “that parent”.

Bullies and predators prefer easy targets, a child with “that parent” isn’t the easiest option.

DaisyDaisyDoesHe · 14/12/2022 21:58

Reminded me of this...

nottodaytomorrow · 14/12/2022 22:02

Oh my days have you heard yourselves "bullies" " predators"

Get a dam grip

nottodaytomorrow · 14/12/2022 22:02

DaisyDaisyDoesHe · 14/12/2022 21:58

Reminded me of this...

Grin
SnoozyLucy7 · 14/12/2022 22:13

nottodaytomorrow · 14/12/2022 22:02

Grin
Show quote history

That’s chilling, watching that. Poor bloke.

But then, like she was saying, being in that house, in that environment, your perceptions are heightened, altered, confused. Still scary to think how easily, how misleadingly it can be to be accused of something.

Original poster
TeaHotorCold · 14/12/2022 22:25

@Crazydoglady1980 @SirChenjins thank you! I feel annoyed that I didn't say something earlier but will see how tomorrow goes. the tone of the handover was quite positive to start with which was probably why I was taken aback when it happened. But saying nothing doesn't feel right and I don't want it to happen again (either to my DD or to other children, though I haven't seen it happen to others. )

Surely for those posters saying I am fine with my DD tapping other children, dont think that i am ok with that ? I am not advocating that at all, but there is a world of a difference between the actions of a 16 month old and an adult

OP posts:
angstridden2 · 14/12/2022 22:31

Quite simply the world has gone mad.

SirChenjins · 14/12/2022 22:33

You’re doing the right thing by speaking to the nursery worker about it. 16 month olds don’t have the cognitive ability to put themselves in others shoes so they can’t connect what they do with what others do to them, and they learn their behaviour from adults.

EJRB · 15/12/2022 01:31

I don’t think you’re over reacting OP

besides, how hypocritical of the staff member to say your child’s behaviour isn’t right yet she performs the very same behaviour on a child?

OnGoldenPond · 15/12/2022 09:02

If when you say nursery worker demonstrated what DD had done she hit her on head exactly as hard, then YANBU. Telling a child not to do something then doing exactly the same thing to them is NOT going to get them to stop! Quite apart from hitting a child being abusive.

However, if they just lightly tapped and DD had hit much harder then YABU. DD may have leaned her head into you because she was ashamed about what the nursery worker was telling you about what she had done.

Bettyboop3 · 15/12/2022 09:29

OnGoldenPond · 15/12/2022 09:02

If when you say nursery worker demonstrated what DD had done she hit her on head exactly as hard, then YANBU. Telling a child not to do something then doing exactly the same thing to them is NOT going to get them to stop! Quite apart from hitting a child being abusive.

However, if they just lightly tapped and DD had hit much harder then YABU. DD may have leaned her head into you because she was ashamed about what the nursery worker was telling you about what she had done.

Ashamed? At 16 months? 🤣

OnGoldenPond · 15/12/2022 10:17

Maybe ashamed is not quite the right word but a 16 month old knows when they've been told off and will act sheepish when their mum gets told about it. Mine certainly did.

whattodo1975 · 15/12/2022 10:21

Do you consider you child a bully or that they are being violent towards other children by tapping them ? Really the other parents should ask for your child to be removed from the nursery if he is tapping other kids.

or you could get a grip.

dooneyousmugelf · 15/12/2022 10:24

Mooshroo · 14/12/2022 21:50

I don’t think the worker saw the tapping as negative, she was part way through praising your daughters confidence?

Thank god someone else read this the same as I did. It's worrying to me that we're in the minority, though!

babynoname22 · 15/12/2022 10:41

I do think you're over reacting but I also think it's odd the nursery worker didn't demonstrate on her own head

NippyWoowoo · 15/12/2022 10:56

fairydustt · 14/12/2022 18:36

Isn't this how kids learn not to do things to others that they wouldn't like done to them?

No it isn't, HTH.

Oblomov22 · 15/12/2022 11:07

FFS get a grip. I wouldn't like if if your child kept tapping my child in the head. Did you talk to dd? Tell her not to do it?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/12/2022 13:29

amonsteronthehill · 14/12/2022 21:31

So it's ok for your DD to wander around tapping other children on the head, but not for the key worker to gently demonstrate what she's been doing.

Ok, then.

I’m sure that @TeaHotorCold would have understood if the OP had told her what her dd was doing - ‘tapping people on the head’ is not a terribly complex or challenging concept to convey!

givemushypeasachance · 15/12/2022 13:48

Surely a nursery worker would not say your 16 month old has been 'tapping' other children, like this, and then smack your 16 month old on the head while you're holding her. And if they did, you would immediately say - why did you just assault my child in front of me? And complain to her supervisor/employer?

Demonstrating how a 16 month old is going around tapping at other children to show how she's got more confident and is even invading the other children's personal space, on the other hand...

Suedomin · 15/12/2022 13:51

If you mean she hit her or hurt her in any way then yes complain. If she just touched the top of her head I don't see the issue

LuciferRising · 15/12/2022 13:55

Why did you use the word tap if you meant hit?

SirChenjins · 15/12/2022 15:33

givemushypeasachance · 15/12/2022 13:48

Surely a nursery worker would not say your 16 month old has been 'tapping' other children, like this, and then smack your 16 month old on the head while you're holding her. And if they did, you would immediately say - why did you just assault my child in front of me? And complain to her supervisor/employer?

Demonstrating how a 16 month old is going around tapping at other children to show how she's got more confident and is even invading the other children's personal space, on the other hand...

Any normal adult - esp one who’s familiar with how children learn at that age - could just as easily tapped her own head to demonstrate. Adults tapping very small children on the head is plain weird and completely unnecessary.