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Original poster

Nursery worker tapped daughter

104 replies

TeaHotorCold · 14/12/2022 18:23

Hi all

i want to know if i'm overreacting. When i picked up my toddler (16months) just now, the nursery worker was telling me about her day and said that she has started to be more confident, sometimes going up to other children and tapping their head. Which of course i was worried about but when she told me that, she basically demonstrated and tapped my DD's head! whilst i was carrying her. DD immediately just leant against my chest for a cuddle.

I WISHED i had said something then. I should have I know, i don't know why i didn't i think I was just shocked. Am i overreacting here? My husband says yes because she didn't mean to cause any harm. I am thinking of speaking to the nursery worker tomorrow morning but it just makes me upset that they actually think this is ok? I'm a FTM.

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Original poster
TeaHotorCold · 14/12/2022 19:51

Notanotherone6 · 14/12/2022 19:09

You don't. I've just tested it on my 5 year old. She was laughing because it doesn't hurt in the slightest.

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It was a sound, i don't know what the right term to describe it! 'thud' came to mind. It definitely made an impact as she was cheery before but leant on my chest and went quiet.

OP posts:
toomuchlaundry · 14/12/2022 19:52

Maybe she leant into you because she knew she was being told off

Wiluli · 14/12/2022 19:54

Don’t let this go , I had a similar incident and turned out they used very similar methods or worse when parents were not present . I won’t go into detail but one day I arrived early and witnessed staff being extremely rough in a child and it resulted in ofstead and police being called . Please trust your instincts

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cansu · 14/12/2022 19:55

I think she was trying to demonstrate to you what she was doing rather than trying to teach your dd anything.
I can guarantee that it won't go well.

TiredButAlive · 14/12/2022 19:57

Unfortunately the pro-smacking types often use "tap" as a euphemism for "hit" so your post is confusing. In any case if you are being told your toddler has done something wrong why on earth is the action being repeated? How does that help? How does the child understand it is wrong if a trusted adult is doing it to them?

HappyMeal564 · 14/12/2022 19:58

No I wouldn't be at all happy with that. I think your are right to complain

Original poster
TeaHotorCold · 14/12/2022 20:07

thanks all for your comments. I'm going to speak to the nursery worker tomorrow and find out more details as well about what they do when they see her allegedly tapping/hitting other children's head. The nursery worker didn't provide much info just now, and it was a passing comment after she said "DD is more confident now, less shy and more confident approaching other children, sometimes even... at this point, she demonstrated it. I'm hoping they teach gentle hands / other approaches that doesn't involve the nursery doing exactly the same thing that they don't want the toddler to do.

wished i had said something to her just now, and i know i'll appear bonkers tomorrow if i bring it up, but i'd rather appear bonkers than not at least tell the nursery worker not to do it again.

@TiredButAlive I'm not pro smacking. I said tap in my OP and 'lightly hit' when someone asked whether it was a gentle tap because to me, a gentle tap has no sound and i definitely heard a sound. I am exactly of the same opinion as you in terms of teaching DD not to do something, i don't (at least try not to) repeat the same actions back at her.

OP posts:
LeadingStar · 14/12/2022 20:07

This is just as inappropriate as if the staff member had tapped you on the head to demonstrate, it's a completely weird thing to do. Counterproductive too, as others have said- you can't tap a child on the head to teach them 'we don't tap people on the head'.

TiredButAlive · 14/12/2022 20:17

@TeaHotorCold Oh no I realised you clearly weren't a pro-smacker.

Original poster
TeaHotorCold · 14/12/2022 20:20

@TiredButAlive ah sorry, i misunderstood your first line! it's been a long day.

OP posts:
Crazydoglady1980 · 14/12/2022 20:30

Please speak to someone about this, either the nursery worker or management, especially as this was a ‘tap’ to the head. This should not occur whether it’s to demonstrate or as a way of showing your child it’s not okay. This is not about being a ftm but being an advocate for your child.

fedupofthiscoldffs · 14/12/2022 20:35

Tap yourself on the head hard. It's loud but doesn't hurt a bit.

Your child wasn't hurt at all you're being a bit nuts

dooneyousmugelf · 14/12/2022 21:02

It doesn't even sound like the nursery worker was trying to communicate anything negative. She was telling you your kid is growing in confidence, approaching other children and getting their attention :/

SirChenjins · 14/12/2022 21:12

Cuppasoupmonster · 14/12/2022 19:50

Why?

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What do you need me to explain to you?

CrystalTits · 14/12/2022 21:14

So the nursery worker ‘lightly hit’ your child while you were holding her, and you didn’t say a thing at the time?! What?

Figgypuddingpiggyfudding · 14/12/2022 21:16

Agree with @Crazydoglady1980

You didn't like it, your child didn't like it.

A tap on the head from an adult to a child, is not ok. Esp as it doesn't sound it was super light.

Original poster
TeaHotorCold · 14/12/2022 21:18

@CrystalTits i don't know why i didn't say anything at the time!! I wish i did. what i can do now is speak to her tomorrow

OP posts:
AllOfThemWitches · 14/12/2022 21:21

Imogensmumma · 14/12/2022 18:34

Wow what a way to ignore the fact your child is being told to quit doing a desirable action. Can’t handle home truths about your DD not being perfect so finding someone to blame for something else

Use it as an opportunity to tell your DD not to tap other kids on your head as she didn’t like it either!!

Weird response, does the same apply to actions like hitting or biting?

SirChenjins · 14/12/2022 21:22

Go with your convictions OP and with those of us who agree that it was inappropriate. If other posters are OK with a nursery worker tapping their toddler on the head that’s their look out.

Bettyboop3 · 14/12/2022 21:26

fairydustt · 14/12/2022 18:36

Isn't this how kids learn not to do things to others that they wouldn't like done to them?

No this is how children learn behaviours are acceptable when adults are role modelling them.

amonsteronthehill · 14/12/2022 21:31

So it's ok for your DD to wander around tapping other children on the head, but not for the key worker to gently demonstrate what she's been doing.

Ok, then.

SirChenjins · 14/12/2022 21:34

amonsteronthehill · 14/12/2022 21:31

So it's ok for your DD to wander around tapping other children on the head, but not for the key worker to gently demonstrate what she's been doing.

Ok, then.

Ok then - you’ve got it. Well done.

IneedanewTV · 14/12/2022 21:47

I wonder if other parents have complained about your DD tapping / thudding their children? I would certainly not be impressed snd would be asking them to speak to her parent. Kind hands And all that.

SavingKitten · 14/12/2022 21:47

amonsteronthehill · 14/12/2022 21:31

So it's ok for your DD to wander around tapping other children on the head, but not for the key worker to gently demonstrate what she's been doing.

Ok, then.

If the kid had been biting others would you be arguing that the key worker was right to bite the kid to demonstrate?

I agree OP is totally OTT, but your argument is daft, the child is 16 months old, it is not the same as an adult doing something.

nottodaytomorrow · 14/12/2022 21:49

You are officially "that parent" OP