Parents rudeness

[happymom92]

Dear daughter is 4.5, reception class. She went to a trampoline park with my sister on saturday because I was working that day and by pure coincidence she met some of her class friends there.
One of them was having a birthday party(basically a booked table or 2 with a few adults and kids in a open space area). So ofc my DD was playing with her classmates and going to their table. The birthday girl mum ignored my daughter and literally turn her back on my daughter and offered all the other kids a slice of pizza. My sister noticed that and tried to remove her from there.
After a while ofc they had cake with Elsa(my daughter’s favourite character) and she was crying and being so upset why she can’t join them celebrate her friend’s birthday and have some cake too.
I do know she had no obligation whatsoever to include my daughter, but I just find it so rude and cruel to act like this with a 4 year old, especially being from the same class. I could never do it. I am thinking to privately message her or put a message on the parents group class(not giving names ofc) that we should all be nicer people(clearly she isn’t), maybe to learn something for the future. Am I overreacting? Should I just let it go and not stir things up and make it awkward when we meet eachother at school pick ups

PS in case she didn’t recognise my daughter, one of the other mums invited with her daughter at the party definitely knows my daughter and she didn’t say anything either (not her place to say it, but just for the record )

But isn’t that what happened? Daughter didn’t get invited?

You are right, under the circumstances I would have given her some cake because she is four and to not do so was unkind.
Really bloody unkind.

I think your sister should have definitely left when your daughter went over to the table, or bought her some food she stayed at her own table. Appreciate it’s difficult for young kids to understand and I’d have definitely given her a slice of pizza and a slice of cake. But do not say anything, I don’t think other parents will necessarily be on your side with this one. It’s possible there wasn’t much pizza anyway and perhaps the actual parent didn’t know it was a child from the class. Just because other parents knew her doesn’t mean they told the parent of birthday child who it was.

Primary school birthday parties, especially in the younger years, are their own special circle of hell but seriously, if you message the other mum or criticise her publicly - and don’t kid yourself that by not specifically naming her you are keeping things private - you do realise that it is likely your DD (and you) won’t be invited to anything this year.

Your sister could have handled things better. Fully understand that your daughter wanted to play with her school pals, quite natural really. It’s your decision if u want to put something on a group chat but remember you have many years of standing at the school gate in front of you! Down through the years I did several of these parties at various venues and it is a very stressful (not to mention expensive) couple of hours. I was constantly counting heads, making sure everyone was ok etc. Yes the mum cd have given your lo some food if there was some left over but she was probably just focusing on her child and the other invited children.

I think it was mean to turn their back on your child but the aunt should have stepped in.

What a horrid situation for your dd.

While it would’ve been nice for your daughter to be asked to join there was no obligation. I don’t think they were being mean - the mum may have thought your daughter was a random child trying to join in.
My dd had a party at a soft play. It just so happened that we had the place to ourselves (it was small) and there was just one other child there who we didn’t know. I did invite him to join in for food and cake as I felt mean otherwise but I wouldn’t have done it if there were loads around.

If I was the mum I'd have given her cake. Tight. But don't say anything as your sister should have been more with it

I wonder if the birthday girl's mum assumed you'd heard about the party from another parent and got your DSIS to turn up at exactly the same with your DD and was angry. Personally I would've been mortified that a child very patently not invited was suddenly at the same venue and would've given them the pizza and cake rather than cause a fuss, but maybe this mum wanted to take a stand against what appeared to be a CF gatecrash.

It's an awkward situation and it's hard for a small child to understand they were not invited when it's such an open area. It would have been understandable if the party area was closed off somewhere more private.

Just see this as a teaching moment for your child and it is ok for children to feel disappointed.

The venue don't charge extra to give out a piece of cake ffs!! If there's enough cake there's enough cake!!
Party mum could have given OP daughter some cake, any party I've been too there is always some left!
There was no admission cost as OP's sister had paid that already! And it doesn't look like OP's child wanted food!
So all this drama to not give a small child a piece of birthday cake!!
The world has gone mad!!!

Don't post on the class WhatsApp though...., you need to 'let it go' from that side!

Ah, this happened to me - except I was party host mum and it was at a soft play. I'd paid for 10 friends in the party room, juice , chips, nuggets, a cake I'd brought.
Another of DD's classmates happened to be there, a nice boy she wasn't that friendly with. I felt bad for him seeing his 10 classmates at a party so after they had all played together, I let him join the party table, there was enough food to go around. I did check with the party host first who agreed it was a kind thing to do.

I’m with you OP. It’s is quite rude, I don’t think your dd should have expected pizza or a party bag but a bit of cake would have been nice.

That said, even though other mums recognised your DD, they may just have assumed she was also at the party. So party host mum may have just thought she was a random child.

Let It go, let it go!

OP I think primary school will be rough for you and your child if you don’t get this into perspective.

your instinct to passively aggressively scold the party mum public ally over an incident you didn’t even witness is bonkers.

you can’t expect everyone to react exactly how you would in a situation. Your child should not have been allowed to run up to the party table. It was an awkward situation for your sister to handle but it sounds like she allowed your child to become part of the party group when it was clear the host didn’t want this.

its a shame and some hosts would have welcomed the extra child - this host chose not to and it’s not for you to correct her.

your social antenna is off here. You are caught up in being right rather than accepting not everyone is like you.

I couldn’t leave a child out. A lot of people on here would say otherwise. It was only a bit of pizza and a bit of cake for gods sake. Your child had already paid to enter the building so it’s not as if the party girls mum would need to pay more. But after I’d gauged the unfriendly mums, I would have taken the child away from the situation which I know would have been difficult as the children run around these sort of places. My kids are 10 and 12 now. Over the years I have seen some awful ignorant parents.

Mumsnetters have certain accepted policies and so they're going against you here. But imo you are entirely right. The kids were 4 years old. Of course the adults involved should have been friendly and welcoming. We are live in a strange world where 4 year olds are shunned because they're not on the guest list. I fear for humanity. No don't wrote on the WhatsApp. Too many mean girls will enjoy the drama.

You’re very entitled. Your sister should have taken her away instead of letting her crash a birthday party. Your daughter wasn’t invited and should have been managed much better. Instead your sister allowed a very awkward situation to develop. The mother must have been mortified.

Because those parties cost a fucking fortune and they would 100% either be charged for the extra child or an assumption would be made by the management that they were trying to cheat their business and they could end up unwelcome there in future. Yes, it's a nightmare situation to have a child from the class happen to end up at the party. It's very difficult to deal with as young children won't understand why they can't just fully join their friends. But they can't and it's up to the adult with them to manage it.

And for gods sake don’t message anyone or post a passive aggressive comment on a group chat. The woman has no case to answer - your sister shouldn’t have let her go anywhere near the party room when she wasn’t invited. You’ll look like a dick. If anything, you should message the mum apologising for your sister who should have managed the situation much better.

I think it's a sad indictment of our society that a four year old could be shunned like this over the head's of pizza or a slice of cake.

It's not as if half the class turned up uninvited, it was one little girl.

Party host Mom was mean in her treatment of your DD and I'm shocked at how many on this thread think it's ok to to do this to a small child.

I wouldn't send the message though, if this is how they treat a four year old imagine how they'd behave to an adult!

Soz but keep the child away from the party, explain it's not your party, that's how it goes sometimes. You definitely can't expect to be included or get pizza, doesn't work like that. You have to explain this to your child early on.

You should definitely WhatsApp the other mum. To apologise for your sister's shitty supervision.

OMG OP you have a lot to learn about parenting etiquette! Your DD absolutely should not have been allowed to gatecrash someone else’s party! You just do NOT do that. And if you message the mum or put something in the WhatsApp group I can guarantee you will go 7 years with no mum friends! Your DD and your sister were the rude ones, not the other mum.

I haven’t read all the posts but just wanted to show you some support.
She is four. They should have just given her a slice of cake. Obviously don’t message and move on but I am with you and they could have just been kind.